The 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States reads thusly: “a well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed”.
A bank employee in Trimble, Missouri recently exercised his 2nd Amendment rights when some Dumbass tried to rob the First Security Bank.
Michael Oliva is one of those Dumbasses who on occasion comes up with a brilliant idea. And y “brilliant” I of course mean “stoopid as fuck”.
Michael was sittin’ around one day sparkin’ up the ol’ crack pipe, throwin’ back some foaties (that’s “forties” as in 40oz beer for all you Old White Guys out there) and singin’ Kanye West songs, hereafter referred to as “shit”, trying to think of something to do. All of the sudden Michael came up with a brilliant (“stoopid as fuck”) idea. Michael exclaimed, “El Frito Bandito es pendejo!” which is Meskin lingo for, “Hey! I have a stoopid as fuck idea! I’m gonna go rob a bank with a realistic looking but fake hand gun!”.
So he set out on his felonious feat.
Penalty for Early Withdrawal
At 1:25 PM one recent Friday afternoon, Michael Oliva arrived at First Security Bank, 202 US Highway 169 in Trimble, MO. Michael had his Fake But Realistic Looking Hand Gun at the ready. What could possibly go wrong?
I’m glad you asked that question.
So Michael pulls a black ski mask over his head and makes his entry into the bank. He goes up to one of the bank tellers and demands the money in her cash drawer. At this point, a bunch of noisy shit and commotion goes on catching the attention of another bank employee in an office near the teller area.
Remember up there ^^^ when you asked “what could possibly go wrong?”
This is What Could Possibly Go Wrong
The Bank Guy who came running to the front of the bank from an office? He confronted Michael and his Fake But Looks Like a Real Gun Gun face to face. Did I mention that the Bank Guy has a concealed carry permit for a REAL gun? He does.
Anyway, here’s the Bank Guy with a .357 staring straight into the eyes of Michael Oliva who is in possession of a Realistic Looking But FAKE Gun. It is at this point that the Bank Guy aims his very real .357 at Michael and blasts him in the face with a very real .357 bullet.
Somehow, by the Grace of God I suppose, Michael is not graveyard dead and manages to escape with a gun shot wound to the jaw.
Long story short….Michael gets away and then leads the cops on a high speed car chase before finally being apprehended. Upon being nabbed by The Fuzz, Michael was heard to say, “Hace mucho calor” which translates to: “Boy was that a stoopid as fuck idea”.
Ay! Ay! Ay! Canta y no llores! Translation: