Category: Hand That Rocks the Cradle

Happy Mothers Day from "Dumbass News"!

What you are about to witness on this blog is to go no further than your own set of eyes. It is imperative that you heed this warning. I will not be held responsible for your actions once you have visually and mentally consumed what you are about to observe on these very pixels. Kind of like Mission:Impossible, I will disavow any knowledge of you, your assignment or this post.

This blog will self-destruct in 1000 words.

TOP SECRET

The unthinkable is going to happen in front of your very eyes right now. I am about to…Gawd, do I dare say it???!!!…get serious! There! I done it! I actually wrote the dreaded S-word out loud! I shall now be cursed throught out my remaining years on this veil of tears by torments of Biblical proportions. Plagues of locusts. The Kennebec River turning into blood. My kids turning into Red Sox fans!

Oh, the humanity!

For Your Eyes Only 

Even if the only words from this blog that you’ve ever read are the first few of this post, you know that I don’t take too much shit too seriously. Today, however, will be a little different. It is, after all, a very important day.

Mothers Day.

When reading them, those two words have a comforting “feel” to them, don’t they? Go ahead. Read ’em again. Mothers Day. See what I mean? Soft as cotton and cool as the other side of the pillow on a hot summer’s night.

Soothing.

Calming.

Nurturing.

Kind of like a Mom.

For Mom’s Eyes Only

I don’t want to get too sappy here, I have a reputation to live down to. But today is all about Moms – my Mom, your Mom, all God’s children’s Moms. We owe ’em a lot, you know.

Moms, you are the symbol of all that is right with world. The glue of society. The fabric of nations. The truly Chosen Ones .

You are confronted with not only your own set of challenges, but also with the myriad trials and tribulations from us, your children. You are our soft place to fall whether we are five months or five decades of age. You are there for us like the Sun in the Eastern sky every morning. Constant. Warm. Dependable. Unfailing.

We need you, Moms, like the rose needs the rain and the hungry man needs bread. You sustain us. You nourish us. You love us. Unconditionally. We simply cause you pain from the moment we breathe our first till the time you breathe your last.

I think we, the kids, get the better end of the deal.

The Toughest Job in the World is yours, yet somehow you find the strength, courage and determination to see it through until you are called on to make Heaven a better place.

It’s Your Day

So, Moms…..we, your sometimes seemingly ungrateful children, really aren’t ungrateful at all. We are just too stoopid to see what is right in front of our faces sometimes. We may on occasion take you for granted, but we never underestimate the impact that you have had on our lives since the day we were first swatted on the ass by the Doctor.

Nope. We ain’t ungrateful. Ever.

We are, however, Dumbasses. Always. And you still love us.

And we love you.

Happy Mothers Day from the Dumbass Horde.

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