Best of Dumbass News
Boy, have I got a doozy of a dumbass story for you today. If the dumbass were any thicker in this story, you could cut it with a knife. So, let’s get to slicin’.
A man and a woman recently took off from Utah heading across the country to North Carolina. However, this was no ordinary cross country cruise. On the leg of their trip that found them in Wyoming, the couple was carjacked by three men in a red SUV. “That’s terrible!,” you’re thinking. Yes and no. It’s terrible that the two were carjacked, but not as terrible as you might suspect. You see, our two lovers were hauling over $425,000 worth of pot from Utah to North Carolina. Not only did they get carjacked, but almost a half million dollars worth of pot was stolen along with their car! Dumbasses. This constitutes a bad day if you are a drug dealer. Totin’ over four hundred “large” worth of weed for over 2000 miles is stupid enough, but when you get carjacked and your Latin Lettuce is taken, too, we are getting dangerously close to dumbass territory. One would think that having been the victim of this crime and somebody’s very large cargo of chronic is stolen from you, it seems like this might be a good time to thank God that you are alive, despite being more stupid than a rat’s asshole, cut your losses and get as far away as possible from the guy who entrusted you with $425,000 worth of Meskin Marlboros. The Pot Guy just might be a smidgen miffed when he’s told his pot has been stolen from his trustworthy couriers. Why he might even be mad enough to, oh, I don’t know, KILL SOMEONE!!! When the Pot Guy finds out that you called the Police to report the carjacking, I’ve got this sneaky suspicion that he’ll become even more unhinged over this turn of events.
Have you ever noticed when reading about or watching one of those cop shows, that only dumbasses haul large quantities of drugs around? I mean aside from the fact that hauling large amounts of contraband is a dumbass thing to do anyway. These two dumbasses got carjacked, but I have read a hundred times that so many of these losers get pulled over for the most minor of offenses – not using a turn signal, a brake light is out, speeding…you get the idea. But the two dumbass pot haulers in this story get carjacked, lose the pot to the other bad guys and call the cops to report the carjacking, never once (apparently) thinking that the cops might find over $400,000 worth of ganja is their car? The couple and one of the other bad guys were arrested and put in a Wyoming jail.
This has to be one of the stupidest things I have ever heard in my life. I’m sitting here as I type this, still wondering what. the. fuck.?! These two goofballs give even drug runners a bad name.
***Photo from LA Times***