Category: Illinois

"I Forgot The Gun Was in My Luggage" – Illinois State Senator Tells Airport Cops

I have openly stated on this blog that I am a political conservative. It is also well-documented on these very pixels that I will make fun of anybody at any time with the exception of my Mother, the Pope and Billy Graham. Why everybody except those three? In order: I love and respect my Mother, I am Catholic and Billy Graham is a great man and my Favorite Protestant.

With that said, it’s now time to play “Rub a Liberal’s Nose in It”!

Let it be said at this point that I’ll blast a Conservative when he or she is Dumbass Blast-worthy. Like I said, anybody, any time. This time the Dumbass in Question just happens to be a Democrat State Senator from Chicago.

Quick Facts: 

El Pistolero
  • Before today, I had never heard of Illinois State Senator Donne Trotter Bond, the man you’ll learn more about in a minute.
  • He is a Democrat from Illinois and, by definition, a Liberal. There are no other kind of Democrats in Illinois.
  • By all accounts, he is a good man who has been married for 26 years, has four kids and 6 Grand children. I am not here to impugn his character, just his judgement. And the fact that he is a Liberal automatically calls into question his judgement.
  • All the news sources I read refer to him as Senator Trotter, not Senator Bond. Senator Trotter it is.
  • I like tweaking Libs.

How Did That Get in There?

The good Senator was about to board a plane at O’Hare International Airport in Chicago Wednesday when airport security checked his carry-on luggage. Everything was hunky dory except for one teensy weensy detail. There was a pistol in the bag! I haven’t flown in quite a few years, but as I recall, packin’ heat on a commercial aircraft is what one would call a BIG no no.

Illinoisreview.typepad.com reveals The 19 yr state senator told law enforcement he had forgotten about the gun found in his carry on luggage after working as a security guard the night before. A Chicago police spokeswoman said Trotter is licensed to carry a weapon and has a current FOID card, however, the gun was not registered in Chicago.

Trotter says that he has a job as a security guard but Allpoints Security, the company Trotter said he was working for, has not yet confirmed to the media if Trotter was on duty the night before. If Trotter works for Allpoints as he says he was doing, the job is either new or not very lucrative. In April 2012, Trotter filed an economic interest disclosure form, and Allpoints Security was not listed anywhere on the form, including as not bringing in more than $1200. 

Questionable Judgement

And boy do I have questions

  1. How is it that famous people or people in positions of authority always forget that they have a handgun in their possession when they are about to get on an airplane?
  2. Allpoint Security, Trotter’s alleged employer, seems to be a major player in the security bidness in the Chicago area. In the company’s mission statement they declare that they utilize the latest technology and training methods in their day to day operations. This begs the question: if Trotter is trained in the latest and greatest security stuff, how in the hell could he forget that he had a weapon in his carry-on luggage? I guess he missed the class on remembering where your firearm is.
  3. Shouldn’t it be real easy for Allpoint to find out who was on duty at a given job just the night before?  This is of course assuming that Donne Trotter Bond even works for them.
  4. Being a security guard is a noble profession, but I am sure that there aren’t very many of them holding state senatorships like Senator Trotter. What gives?

As I wrote earlier, I don’t know this guy from Adam, and it may well be that this whole incident is much ado about nothing. I hope it is. Seriously. Unless the Senator is one of those holier-than-thou-the-rules-that-apply-to-you-don’t-apply-to-me asshats. If he’s one of those, screw him. Let the chips of Justice fall where they may.

The fact remains, however, that Trotter is now an accused felon. There’s no denying that he was in possession of a pistol while in the process of boarding an airplane. This act of stoopid-idity and the fact that he’s an Illinois Liberal (see Quick Facts above) makes him a…

Dumbass.

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Dumbass Calls 9-1-1 & Threatens to Kick Cops’ Asses!

Best of Dumbass News 

There are some places and some people on the Big Blue Marble that are worthy of non-stop contempt and mockery. Other than the sons of motherless goats in the Middle East (I’m looking at you, Iran!), there are some other people and places that give me great pleasure in calling a bunch of pussies and twinkletoes. I am, of course, referring to Fwance and San Fransissy. It’s nothing intentional, but dumbass stories about the two keep pouring into my news readers and email at a rate faster than water barreling over Niagra Falls.

Is that you, John R.?

Fwance and San Fran are the gifts that keep on giving. Kinda like having Christmas every day of the year. As long as they keep on supplying the gift wrapped dumbassery, I’ll keep on rippin’ them to shreds and looking for the goodies in the box.

Florida Gets a Dumbass Pass

I would include Florida on the list of The Mocked & Derided, but the Sunshine State is somewhat handicapped when it comes to this “competitive dumbassery”. The deal with Florida has to do with its diversity. First of all, you’ve the Native Floridians.Plus, the F L A is loaded to the gills with immigrants trying to assimilate into the American way of life (legally) and even I wouldn’t come down on them with the full Wrath of the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. The kicker in this equation is the number of “transplants”, or as Real Florida-ites call them, “Fucking Yankees”, that have invaded the Florida Peninsula.  Therefore, even though I write about an abundance of dumbass F L A – ridians doing dumbass stuff, so many of them are Yankees that it skews the Dumbass Sample Size. I’m just sayin’.

Comin’ Up on the Outside Is…

Illinois! Chi-town and its ‘burbs to be precise. Not only has The Second City produced high powered Dumbasses like former Guv Rod Blogojavich, our current Dumbass in Chief and the Daley Regime, Chicago also turns out a healthy number of “regular” dumbasses. In other words, just plain old dumbasses.

Now The Windy City can lay claim to a dumbass who ranks a notch above “regular” dumbass and a notch below the more prominent purveyors of Dumbassery. If our Dumbass of the Day keeps up the good work....Oh, wait! He can’t ! Why? Because the Dumbass is is the Cook County Crossbar Hilton with $100,000 credit limit bond to help make sure that he enjoys a long vacation courtesy of the fine citizens of Chicagoland.

Today’s Dumbass, John R. Pacella, has earned his stay in the Cook County Slammer by going above and beyond the call of Dumbassery. This guy has gazebos the size of Dallas and a love of likker like a Skid Row Hobo, a very dangerous combination if not kept properly in check. Who am I kiddin’? John R. is a comode huggin’ drunk with about as much sense as a goat humping Ham Hater named Hussein.

You see, good ole John R. got all tanked up on some cheap ass malt likker named BlogObama Brew and began to feel angry. And brave. And fubared. That kind of Canned Courage can lead only to one thing…9-1-1! Yes, fellow Dumbasses, John R. got gassed and immediately picked up the phone and dialed 9-1-1. Was he seeking help for his drinking problem? Nope. Did he injure one of his Big D Sized Gazebos? Negatory.

John R. dialed 9-1-1 at 4AM not needing emergency assistance, but he did tell the 9-1-1 lady that he wanted her to send the cops to his house because he wanted to kick their asses. After recovering her breath from a long bit of hardy laughter, 9-1-1 lady says to John R., “Sure thing, Sir! I’ll send them right over”. So the fuzz made the scene at John R.’s crib and out comes John R. strutting like a banty rooster who just missed being supper. The Peace Officers on the call tried to have a nice friendly talk with the dumbass, and he politely accepted their most gracious offer with a pleasant greeting, “I say, Constable, shall we have a spot of tea and discuss this matter like gentlemen?” Then John R. was heard to yell at the cops something that sounded like “Chuck’s shoe” or “cork screw” and then he shoved a Police Officer. The heat took exception to such a breach of civility and body slammed John R. onto the sidewalk, beat the shit out of him with their night sticks and said in a very surly voice, “Neener, neener, neener!” Everything after “he shoved a Police Officer”, I made that up.

But Wait There’s More!

Did I mention that John R. Pacella of the Chicago area is a registered sex offender? He is. I would go so far as to say that being a registered pervert didn’t help John R. curry any favor with the local constabulary or the judge who set his bail. Throw in the fact that the guy assaulted a cop and resisted arrest, and our man John R. Pacella of Willowbrook, Illinois, convicted sex offender can anticipate a very long and profitable career as a Bona Fide Prison Bitch. It would be a crying shame if the other inmates in John R.’s “home to be” found out that Johnny Boy is a rapist or child molester or whatever, wouldn’t it? They just might try to injure brother John R. Don’t injure the poor man you bastards! Cut off his fucking gazebos!!! One. By. One. S-L-O-W-L-Y.

Have a nice vacation, John R. I hope you make new friends easily. Or get a broom handle up your ass. Personally, I vote for the broom handle up the Hershey Highway.

Dumbass.

Dumbass Calls 9-1-1, Threatens to Kick Cops Asses

Is that you, John R.?

There are some places and some people on the Big Blue Marble that are worthy of non-stop contempt and mockery. Other than the sons of motherless goats in the Middle East (I’m looking at you, Iran!), there are some other people and places that give me great pleasure in calling a bunch of pussies and twinkletoes. I am, of course, referring to Fwance and San Fransissy. It’s nothing intentional, but dumbass stories about the two keep pouring into my news readers and email at a rate faster than water barreling over Niagra Falls. Fwance and San Fran are the gifts that keep on giving. Kinda like having Christmas every day of the year. As long as they keep on supplying the gift wrapped dumbassery, I’ll keep on rippin’ them to shreds and looking for the goodies in the box.

Florida Gets a Dumbass Pass

I would include Florida on the list of The Mocked & Derided, but the Sunshine State is somewhat handicapped when it comes to this “competitive dumbassery”. The deal with Florida has to do with its diversity. First of all, you’ve the Native Floridians.Plus, the F L A is loaded to the gills with immigrants trying to assimilate into the American way of life (legally) and even I wouldn’t come down on them with the full Wrath of the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. The kicker in this equation is the number of “transplants”, or as Real Florida-ites call them, “Fucking Yankees”, that have invaded the Florida Peninsula.  Therefore, even though I write about an abundance of dumbass F L A – ridians doing dumbass stuff, so many of them are Yankees that it skews the Dumbass Sample Size. I’m just sayin’.

Comin’ Up on the Outside Is…

Illinois! Chi-town and its ‘burbs to be precise. Not only has The Second City produced high powered Dumbasses like former Guv Rod Blogojavich, our current Dumbass in Chief and the Daley Regime, Chicago also turns out a healthy number of “regular” dumbasses. In other words, just plain old dumbasses.

Now The Windy City can lay claim to a dumbass who ranks a notch above “regular” dumbass and a notch below the more prominent purveyors of Dumbassery. If our Dumbass of the Day keeps up the good work....Oh, wait! He can’t ! Why? Because the Dumbass is is the Cook County Crossbar Hilton with $100,000 credit limit bond to help make sure that he enjoys a long vacation courtesy of the fine citizens of Chicagoland.

Today’s Dumbass, John R. Pacella, has earned his stay in the Cook County Slammer by going above and beyond the call of Dumbassery. This guy has gazebos the size of Dallas and a love of likker like a Skid Row Hobo, a very dangerous combination if not kept properly in check. Who am I kiddin’? John R. is a comode huggin’ drunk with about as much sense as a goat humping Ham Hater named Hussein.

You see, good ole John R. got all tanked up on some cheap ass malt likker named BlogObama Brew and began to feel angry. And brave. And fubared. That kind of Canned Courage can lead only to one thing…9-1-1! Yes, fellow Dumbasses, John R. got gassed and immediately picked up the phone and dialed 9-1-1. Was he seeking help for his drinking problem? Nope. Did he injure one of his Big D Sized Gazebos? Negatory.

John R. dialed 9-1-1 at 4AM not needing emergency assistance, but he did tell the 9-1-1 lady that he wanted her to send the cops to his house because he wanted to kick their asses. After recovering her breath from a long bit of hardy laughter, 9-1-1 lady says to John R., “Sure thing, Sir! I’ll send them right over”. So the fuzz made the scene at John R.’s crib and out comes John R. strutting like a banty rooster who just missed being supper. The Peace Officers on the call tried to have a nice friendly talk with the dumbass, and he politely accepted their most gracious offer with a pleasant greeting, “I say, Constable, shall we have a spot of tea and discuss this matter like gentlemen?” Then John R. was heard to yell at the cops something that sounded like “Chuck’s shoe” or “cork screw” and then he shoved a Police Officer. The heat took exception to such a breach of civility and body slammed John R. onto the sidewalk, beat the shit out of him with their night sticks and said in a very surly voice, “Neener, neener, neener!” Everything after “he shoved a Police Officer”, I made that up.

But Wait There’s More!

Did I mention that John R. Pacella of the Chicago area is a registered sex offender? He is. I would go so far as to say that being a registered pervert didn’t help John R. curry any favor with the local constabulary or the judge who set his bail. Throw in the fact that the guy assaulted a cop and resisted arrest, and our man John R. Pacella of Willowbrook, Illinois, convicted sex offender can anticipate a very long and profitable career as a Bona Fide Prison Bitch. It would be a crying shame if the other inmates in John R.’s “home to be” found out that Johnny Boy is a rapist or child molester or whatever, wouldn’t it? They just might try to injure brother John R. Don’t injure the poor man you bastards! Cut off his fucking gazebos!!! One. By. One. S-L-O-W-L-Y.

Have a nice vacation, John R. I hope you make new friends easily. Or get a broom handle up your ass. Personally, I vote for the broom handle up the Hershey Highway.

Dumbass.

Drunk Dumbasses Try to Fake Out the Cops

Famous DUI Mugshot

Let’s pretend for a minute. Let’s say that you have just concluded a night of some serious alcoholic beverage intake and you decide to drive yourself and a friend home. First of all, after a rousing night of getting hammered, driving is the last of your options, dumbass. Don’t do it!

There are, however, a couple of guys in Illinois who did a hard night of drinking, tried to drive home while blasted, got pulled over by the law then came up with a novel, if dumbass, way of avoiding the ol’ DUI. When these two dumbasses were stopped by the police, the dumbass passenger in the car pulled out his cell phone, called 9-1-1 and reported gunshots outside a club very close to the DUI stop. This was a dumbass move. As the pasenger was reporting the “gunshots”, the police dispatcher could hear the officer conducting the stop in the background and naturally became suspicious. Needless to say, this el fake-o call did not work. The driver was busted for driving under the influence and the dumbass passenger was popped for filing a false Police Report.

A message to the two bad guys: what the fuck were you thinking? Do they not have cabs in Illinois that take dumbasses home after they’ve had too much to drink? Another thing…did nobody at the club that served these guys past the point of inebriation not notice that they were loaded? Still, it’s ultimately the responsibility of the guy behind the wheel while drunk to accept the consequences for his actions.

Luckily, no one was hurt during this incident and the two drunks will be out of commission for a while as they learn to become sober prison bitches and quite possibly former drunks.

Fucking dumbasses.

One Man, Two Times the Dumbass!

Former Dumbass Burgler, Now a Dumbass Prison Bitch
Persistence overcomes resistance, but persistence does not overcome dumbass. And the story of today’s dumbass further proves that the dumbass is a mighty powerful force in those who are eat up with it.

For the tale of our Dumbass of the Day, we travel to Bolingbrook, Illinois, where we meet up with Robert Osewski, thief on probation and about as useful as tits on a boar hog. You see…on May 28, 2009, Robert the Thieving Dumbass broke into a local residence and stole a bunch of stuff and by stuff I mean a Wii, Xbox, jewelry, stocks and bonds and fifty bucks in change totaling over $20 Large, $20,000. Robert was later arrested, tried, convicted and placed on probation. Probation? For stealing $20,000 worth of stuff? The judge in this case has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt (a little legal lingo there) that he is a dumbass in robes and doesn’t deserve to sit on the bench for which he was entrusted. But I digress.

Back to Robert the Thieving Dumbass. Robert is on probation now and he decides to pull off another burglary. That, in and of itself, is a dumbass thing to do, but our man Robert does the Daily Double of Dumbassery. The burglary he has planned is for….wait… for…. it….the same house that he robbed before! It takes a special kind of dumbass to do what Robert is about to do. When I say “special kind of dumbass”, I don’t mean exemplary, I mean dumb as a box of hammers. Robert failed to see the stupidity of his idea, so he went right ahead and busted in and stole from the same house he had hit a while back. That’s pretty damn stoopid right there, but Robert went above and beyond the call of dumbassery. He brought along a helper, sort of an Apprentice Dumbass, to help him out. Another dumbass move. Oh, but it gets better still! Robert and his Apprentice Dumbass broke into the same house that Robert robbed before, mind you, and stole the same stuff he had stolen before! Does this man’s dumbass know no limit?

The Bolingbrook Cops, not dumbasses at all, quickly saw the link between this burglary and the one Robert was convicted of in 2009. Robert the Thieving Dumbass and his Apprentice Dumbass were arrested and immediately placed in the custody of the Bolingbrook House For the Criminally Dumbass. OK, I made that part up, but the two dumbasses were arrested and taken to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I’m sure it won’t be long until Robert the Thieving Dumbass becomes Robert the Prison Bitch Dumbass and his partner in crime will be an Apprentice Prison Bitch to a loving inmate partner. Frakkin’ dumbasses.