Category: Immigration

Playboy Playmate Smuggles Canuck into USA!

Illegal immigration is a major problem in this country right now and both sides of the political divide rail on about what ever their side believes on this very important issue.

When we think of illegal aliens in the United States, we generally think of Meskins, Guatemalans, Hondurans and all the Latin American people south of the border. regardless of your stance on the argument. Oh, yeah, we think of a lot of guys named Muhammad and Abdul also, but only because so many of them want to blow us to smithereens. The Meskins, et al, generally speaking, are simply looking for a better life for their families and are eager to get into Los Estados Unidos by any means possible, including being smuggled into the country in jam packed vans and 18 wheelers, risking life and limb. However, illegal is illegal, no matter one’s intentions, so I do not condone smuggling or assisting any foreign national in getting into the USA by any other than lawful means.

Canadians, on the other hand, ain’t exactly beating down the border trying to get here, but when they do so, they do so in style.

Permtiame explicar. A little Meskin lingo there that roughly translates as “let me splain”.

Jug Shot

Playboy Playmate, Human Smuggler 

You gotta admit that a mighty fine way to commit a felony by attempting to enter the USA illegally would involve a Playboy Playmate. i wouldn’t know for sure as I am an American citizen, but I do know that it would certainly beat the hell out of swimming across the Rio Grande or riding in an oven of an 18 wheeler to get here.

This scenario actually took place.

Mug Shot

 A Wacky Canadian Guy, WCG, wanted to get into the US real bad. His girlfriend wanted to get him here real bad. WCG’s woman is a Playboy Playmate! Were I younger and unattached and a Canuck, sneaking across the border with a Playmate would be a grand idea. I am not a large person, so there would be all kinds of nifty hiding places on a Playmate for a guy my size. I won’t elaborate as some things are better left unsaid for fear of paying child support and alimony.

My lips are sealed.

The Playmate

The Playboy Chick is Colleen Shannon, who appeared in the 50th Anniversary Edition of Playboy in 2004, so this is not a homely woman. Why an intelligent, patriotic young woman (smell the sarcasm I am cookin’ here?) want to smuggle a Canadian into the United States for Gawd’s sake? All the dude had to was get a few papers in order with the Immigration Department Dumbasses and he could have come on over without a problem. Does he think he’s Meskin or something? Or how about, you know, marrying the Playboy Playmate you fucking moron! There are worse ways to go through life than to spend it with a semi-hooker, prolly-Lesbian hot fucking tamale.

But hell no! These two Einsteins went the illegal route and now face up to ten years in prison for their misdeeds.

On the bright side, Colleen could always film a few “Prison Hooker in Chains ” movies to keep her fans’ “attention” while she’s in the Slammer. I’m just sayin’. And writin’ movie scripts.

On the flip side, I am sure that there are some very nice Canuckistani Playmates cavorting about the night clubs of Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver. can’t you just start porking one of them instead of the American bimbo? I am also pretty sure than there are some red blooded American dudes who would love to be smuggled into the Great White North in some Playmate’s cleavage.

Collen,the next time you feel the need to deal in human trafficking, do it the old fashioned way – in a 53 foot trailer loaded with hockey pucks or moose innards.

Like the Meskins do.



Castration by Dennis Rodman, Cow Sex & Immigrant Felonies!

This was a very busy week at Dumbass News. We had an outstanding crop of Dumbasses to harvest for you, but unfortunately many of you missed the pickin’s. 

So for the Dumbasses that were for some reason unable to enjoy the fruits of our labors, and for the newest Dumbasses who just now smelling the manure of our Garden of Dumbassery, we give you, in spite of Public Outrage and Threats of Litigation, the Dumbass Week in Review!

  • There’s no better way to start a new week than with a good rousing session of  Mad Monkey Cow Sex and it’s role in ushering in The End of the World. This kind of stuff is the reason I live to do write this blog. I am a blessed man.
  • We have another case of a woman, or in this case, King Kong, going completely off her rocker and doing major damage to some poor guys gazebos. This is an epidemic and it must be stopped at any cost, or soon there will be no men with gazebos left in the world!
  • There are hundreds of millions of the world’s 7 billion people who see the United States as a beacon for Freedom, Liberty and a place in which to create a better lifestyle for their families in a land of limitless opportunity. Unfortunately we also have Liberals who take the opposite view of their own country. Maybe we can trade a Liberal for each Freedom-seeking immigrant who goes through the proper channels to become an American Citizen. One for one. Immigrant becomes American, Liberal becomes foreigner. I like it. With that brilliant idea on the table for our elected Dumbasses in Congress to consider, we covered the story of an immigrant who wanted to become an American in the worst way. “The worst way” meaning she beat the hell out of her boyfriend because he didn’t want to marry her.

You can look on the internet for years and not find a collection of Dumbassery like this. I care enough about you to do it for you. So, sally forth my Dumbass Minions into the Realm of What the Hell Am I Doing This For? 

You deserve it.


Lady Wants to Get Married, Become American; Beats the Hell Out of Boyfriend Instead

Lookin’ for Love

I am an America and damned proud to be one. I love this country more than everything but God and Family. Evidently there are millions of others around the world who love the good ole USA also. While hundreds of thousands go through the immigration system to become American citizens, others try, and many succeed, in entering the country illegally. Then are the lucky foreign nationals who are already here and trying like hell to stay here. These people realize that we’ve got it pretty good.

Sometimes immigrants use nefarious ways to gain American Citizenship. Like marriages of convenience – marrying an American citizen in order to not be deported.

Did somebody out there say “Dumbass”?

Well, it just so happens……

Wanting a New VISA (and I Don’t Mean Credit Card)

Nikoleta Karoly is a foreigner with a just-about-to-expire-VISA. She desperately wants to stay in the United States. She is so adamant about staying here that she was willing to marry her boyfriend so she would not be sent back to her country of origin, which no doubt is some Communist Hellhole. Like Massivetwoshits.

There was, however, one teensy weensy hitch in Niki’s plan to marry her beau and remain in the US. The groom-to-be did not want to be a groom. No matter how you view this situation, this minute detail throws a monkey wrench into Niki’s plan. Another small detail not to be overlooked is the fact that Nikoleta is now a felon.

Well, somebody sure pissed in her Cheerios, didn’t they?

Wedding Bell Blues

Upon being told that The Guy did not want to marry her, thereby blowing her immediate chances of not being deported, Niki became a bit upset. And by a “bit upset”, I mean she beat the shit out of her boyfriend. Yep, nothing says “I want to spend the rest of my life with you, you American pig” like a good ole country ass kickin’.

According to the American Pig Boyfriend, this was not the first time that Niki was violent towards him because he was hesitant to marry her. I, for one, am all about a serious “come to Jesus” meeting when it’s necessary to the plot, but this is not the method best-suited for encouraging one’s lover into the Holy bond of matrimony.

But, then again, I am a Dumbass. What do I know?

What I Know

I know that:

  • Nikoleta Karoly is now in the Collier County (FLA) Jail.
  • Nikoleta Karoly may well spend some time in a nice comfy Florida State Prison.
  • Nikoleta Karoly will not become an American citizen.
  • Nikoleta Karoly’s boyfriend is a pussy for letting a woman beat his ass.


  • Nikoleta Karoly will not be getting married to an American Pig any time soon. Unless it’s to a fellow inmate at an FLA Women’s Correctional Facility whose nickname is “Spike” who is also in The Slammer for beating the shit out of her boyfriend.