Category: Internet

Buying Pot Online, Shipping It Via USPS = Bad Idea

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I love the internet. I really do. If something can be done, it can be done on the world wide web, or the “3 Dub” as we international “3 Dub” blogging sensations call it.

Think about it, you look up the latest news, sports, weather, etc. You can locate long lost friends on sites like Facebook, do background checks on potential employees, do banking, buy pot…What? Yes, fellow Dumbasses, drug dealing runs amok on the internet. What in the name of the Patron Saint of the 3 Dub (Al Gore) is going on here?

Let me splain. puffpuffpasspass

Bluegrass State

High on the List of Cool Things to Do on the 3 Dub is gaming. Millions people from all over the Planet play games and make friends with others from far away places every day, even in Kentucky. The thing is that every Tom, Dick and Jim Bob with an internet connection and a $20 computer recently bought at a yard sale in the trailer park can access the web and do all kinds of stoopid shit stuff. Like buy pot from essentially a total stranger in a far away land named Cal-ee-forn-ya. My guess is that all Gomer in Kentucky knows about Cal-ee-forn-ya is what he “cyphered”from watching reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies and wondering how in the name of corn likker did they get those people in that little TV box.

Billy Wayne does, however, know weed and he has probably read, or should I say had somebody read to him, all about the killer herb grown on the Left Coast. This is where internet gaming comes in.

Johnny Jethro became friends with a Dumbass Out West by way of the Xbox Network for Idiots Who Have No Teeth or Socially Redeeming Value. So, what does Willie Duke do? He orders some pot from the Dumbass Out West – a pound to be exact – and has it shipped from Cal-ee-forn-ya to Korntucky! Via the United States Postal Service! Maybe Silas Curtis has heard this before, but Inspectors from the USPS have absolutley no sense of humor when some asswipe tries to make them look stoopid by shipping contraband across thre country by way of Snail Mail.

123 Main Street

Or was that 132 Main Street? Well, good ole Homer Goober got his pot shipped without a hitch – until it arrived in his hometown of Lawrenceburg, Kentucky. See those addresses I typed back there? At first glance, you can see where some one might get the two confused. 99% of the time this would not be a big deal. It’s the 1% that is a big deal that it’s a BIG DEAL. Big deal as in major prison bitch hood awaits me in The Cornhole Unit of the KY (KY! Prison bitch! bwahahahahaha) State Penis-tentiary big deal.

You see, Jimmy Jake the Internet Pot Guru lives at 123 Main Street in L-burg. BUT! The pound of pot he bought from the Dumbass Out West was delivered to 132 Main Street! The poor guy who lived a 132 Main was, to say the least, surprised when he opened the package that he thought contained that “special friend” from Big Bob’s Blow Up Doll Emporium and Green Stamp Redemption Center, only to discover over $2000 worth of Latin Lettuce. After the initial shock (and a couple of bong hits) wore off, Poor Guy at 132 Main called the local constabulary and Jakey Jim was arrested and will undoubtedly be the talk of the Cornhole Unit soon.

Advice That’s Too Late

As Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde, the duty to counsel one of the minions on the proper way to avoid getting busted during a narcotics shipment, falls on my shoulders. It is, however, a burden that I was born to bear, so I do it freely and with great compasion.

Dude, there is a 100% guaranteed fool-proof way to avoid getting busted when shipping marijuana across state lines. Don’t do it, Dumbass! Good Gawd, son. You dare to call yourself a loyal member of the Dumbass Nation and pull stunts like this? Next time you decide you want or need an LB, grow it yourself! Do I have to tell you how to do illegal shit every. single. time? I am your Fearless Leader, not your fucking nanny.

Growing your own weed in Kentucky shouldn’t be that difficult to do and keep it on the down low. Think about it. Take away the populations of Louisville and Lexington and how many people actually live in Kentucky? Four? Five? Six, tops. See where I am going here? There aren’t enough people in the whole damn state (minus L & L) who would give a shit whether or not you farm a little “Blue Grass”. Why take a chance on getting popped for interstate pot selling and buying when you can grow it right out in your own Back 40?

To be sure, I am not advocating that any member of the Dumbass Community do something stoopid like grow pot (coughcoughbullshitcoughcough) Shipping your stash through the United States Postal Service, though,  is something that I highly recommend against. 

So, it’s off to the Big House for Frankie Joe where his new nick name (besides “Fresh Meat”) will be “Xbox Live”. And I’m sure his “Xbox” will be thoroughly “360”ed on a regular basis.

The guy is an afront to good, honest, hard-working dope-smoking hillbillies everywhere.

Dumbass.

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30 Women Riot Over Facebook Comment!

The internet is a powerful machine. Facebook is a powerful cog in this powerful machine.

Generally speaking, Facebook is a great way to, like I do, stay in touch with friends and family or to reconnect with people you haven’t seen or heard from in many moons (a little Injun Lingo there). The social network is also a great source of comedic, if felonious, material. I should know. I have an FB account and it gets weird enough there, but the stories I come across when doing research for stuff to write about on this blog are, to say the least, fucking outrageous.

Troublemaker

Social Media Stoopididity

Some examples of Facebook Dumbassery that we’ve covered on Dumbass News include the story of a guy who stole some Christmas stuff then posted the details of his theft on his Facebook page! Another time a Florida couple got into a disagreement over a Facebook comment that landed them both in the slammer! Then in a touching Moment of Muslim Social Media Madness, a raghead somewhere named his newborn daughter “Facebook”! Allah will not be pleased.

But wait! There’s more!

Facebook Comment Incites 30 Woman Riot!

A good cat fight between two Dumbasses of the female persuasion is a man’s dream, even if it’s over something posted on FB.

This brawl then must be a man’s wet dream. Not only does it involve females at war over some stoopid shit placed on a Facebook page, it evolves into a full out free for all with over thirty bitches erupting into a full scale armed conflict, the likes of which have not been seen since the Beatles appeared at Shea Stadium in NYC in the mid 60s.

From the HuffPuffSnuffIsEnuffPost

More than 30 women gathered for a large street fight in Sacramento on Sunday afternoon, reportedly over a Facebook post.

According to Sacramento Police Department Officer Michele Gigante, the fight reportedly began when a woman saw what she interpreted as a suggestive post on her husband’s Facebook account from another woman.
“The incident is still under investigation,” said Gigante to The Huffington Post. “But it looks like the women then met for a fight, along with their friends or other people involved.”
By the time police arrived, the fight had already dispersed. But witnesses reported seeing at least 30 women using baseball bats, bottles, rocks and other weapons.
According to CBS, one woman reportedly broke a candleholder from a nearby memorial and used it as a weapon. At least two people were hospitalized.
“Two people really sustained major injuries,” said Sacramento Police Sgt. Andrew Pettit to CBS. “Those two people were reportedly hit with bats and they went to the hospital requiring stitches.”
CBSLocal in NutSackTown reported that after the melee, some of the brawling bitches went into a nearby convenience store for cold drinks! A couple of foatys (Hood Rat talk meaning 40s), no doubt.
On the Other Hand
What if this Clash of the Titans and Louisville Sluggers had involved a man’s comment to a woman other than his wife? Mayhem, massive bloodshed and a gazebo-removing frenzy would have ensued with gazebos rolling like Homeless Marbles down the streets of NutSackramento. 
Then the women would have jumped in and the REAL horror would have begun.
I shudder at the thought. 
Dumbasses.

Buying Pot Online, Then Shipping Through the US Mail is Not a Good Idea

I love the internet. I really do. If something can be done, it can be done on the world wide web, or the “3 Dub” as we international “3 Dub” blogging sensations call it.

Think about it, you look up the latest news, sports, weather, etc. You can locate long lost friends on sites like Facebook, do background checks on potential employees, do banking, buy pot…What? Yes, fellow Dumbasses, drug dealing runs amok on the internet. What in the name of the Patron Saint of the 3 Dub (Al Gore) is going on here?

Let me splain. puffpuffpasspass

Bluegrass State

High on the List of Cool Things to Do on the 3 Dub is gaming. Millions people from all over the Planet play games and make friends with others from far away places evry day, even in Kentucky. The thing is that every Tom, Dick and Jim Bob with an internet connection and a $20 computer recently bought at a yard sale in the trailer park can access the web and do all kinds of stoopid shit stuff. Like buy pot from essentially a total stranger in a far away land named Cal-ee-forn-ya. My guess is that all Gomer in Kentucky knows about Cal-ee-forn-ya is what he “cyphered”from watching reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies and wondering how in the name of corn likker did they get those people in that little TV box.

Billy Wayne does, however, know weed and he has probably read, or should I say had somebody read to him, all about the killer herb grown on the Left Coast. This is where internet gaming comes in.

Johnny Jethro became friends with a Dumbass Out West by way of the Xbox Network for Idiots Who Have No Teeth or Socially Redeeming Value. So, what does Willie Duke do? He orders some pot from the Dumbass Out West – a pound to be exact – and has it shipped from Cal-ee-forn-ya to Korntucky! Via the United States Postal Service! Maybe Silas Curtis has heard this before, but Inspectors from the USPS have absolutley no sense of humor when some asswipe tries to make them look stoopid by shipping contraband across thre country by way of Snail Mail.

123 Main Street

Or was that 132 Main Street? Well, good ole Homer Goober got his pot shipped without a hitch – until it arrived in his hometown of Lawrenceburg, Kentucky. See those addresses I typed back there? At first glance, you can see where some one might get the two confused. 99% of the time this would not be a big deal. It’s the 1% that is a big deal that it’s a BIG DEAL. Big deal as in major prison bitch hood awaits me in The Cornhole Unit of the KY (KY! Prison bitch! bwahahahahaha) State Penis-tentiary big deal.

You see, Jimmy Jake the Internet Pot Guru lives at 123 Main Street in L-burg. BUT! The pound of pot he bought from the Dumbass Out West was delivered to 132 Main Street! The poor guy who lived a 132 Main was, to say the least, surprised when he opened the package that he thought contained that “special friend” from Big Bob’s Blow Up Doll Emporium and Green Stamp Redemption Center, only to discover over $2000 worth of Latin Lettuce. After the initial shock (and a couple of bong hits) wore off, Poor Guy at 132 Main called the local constabulary and Jakey Jim was arrested and will undoubtedly be the talk of the Cornhole Unit soon.

Advice That’s Too Late

As Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde, the duty to counsel one of the minions on the proper way to avoid getting busted during a narcotics shipment, falls on my shoulders. It is, however, a burden that I was born to bear, so I do it freely and with great compasion.

Dude, there is a 100% guaranteed fool-proof way to avoid getting busted when shipping marijuana across state lines. Don’t do it, Dumbass! Good Gawd, son. You dare to call yourself a loyal member of the Dumbass Nation and pull stunts like this? Next time you decide you want or need an LB, grow it yourself! Do I have to tell you how to do illegal shit every. single. time? I am your Fearless Leader, not your fucking nanny.

Growing your own weed in Kentucky shouldn’t be that difficult to do and keep it on the down low. Think about it. Take away the populations of Louisville and Lexington and how many people actually live in Kentucky? Four? Five? Six, tops. See where I am going here? There aren’t enough people in the whole damn state (minus L & L) who would give a shit whether or not you farm a little “Blue Grass”. Why take a chance on getting popped for interstate pot selling and buying when you can grow it right out in your own Back 40?

To be sure, I am not advocating that any member of the Dumbass Community do something stoopid like grow pot (coughcoughbullshitcoughcough) Shipping your stash through the United States Postal Service, though,  is something that I highly recommend against. 

So, it’s off to the Big House for Frankie Joe where his new nick name (besides “Fresh Meat”) will be “Xbox Live”. And I’m sure his “Xbox” will be thoroughly “360”ed on a regular basis.

The guy is an afront to good, honest, hard-working dope-smoking hillbillies everywhere.

Dumbass.

30 Women Riot Over Facebook Comment to Dumbass’s Husband!

The internet is a powerful machine. Facebook is a powerful cog in this powerful machine.

Generally speaking, Facebook is a great way to, like I do, stay in touch with friends and family or to reconnect with people you haven’t seen or heard from in many moons (a little Injun Lingo there). The social network is also a great source of comedic, if felonious, material. I should know. I have an FB account and it gets weird enough there, but the stories I come across when doing research for stuff to write about on this blog are, to say the least, fucking outrageous.

Social Media Stoopididity

Some examples of Facebook Dumbassery that we’ve covered on Dumbass News include the story of a guy who stole some Christmas stuff then posted the details of his theft on his Facebook page! Another time a Florida couple got into a disagreement over a Facebook comment that landed them both in the slammer! Then in a touching Moment of Muslim Social Media Madness, a raghead somewhere named his newborn daughter “Facebook”! Allah will not be pleased.

But wait! There’s more!

Facebook Comment Incites 30 Woman Riot!


A good cat fight between two Dumbasses of the female persuasion is a man’s dream, even if it’s over something posted on FB.

This brawl then must be a man’s wet dream. Not only does it involve females at war over some stoopid shit placed on a Facebook page, it evolves into a full out free for all with over thirty bitches erupting into a full scale armed conflict, the likes of which have not been seen since the Beatles appeared at Shea Stadium in NYC in the mid 60s.

From the HuffPuffSnuffIsEnuffPost

More than 30 women gathered for a large street fight in Sacramento on Sunday afternoon, reportedly over a Facebook post.

According to Sacramento Police Department Officer Michele Gigante, the fight reportedly began when a woman saw what she interpreted as a suggestive post on her husband’s Facebook account from another woman.
“The incident is still under investigation,” said Gigante to The Huffington Post. “But it looks like the women then met for a fight, along with their friends or other people involved.”
By the time police arrived, the fight had already dispersed. But witnesses reported seeing at least 30 women using baseball bats, bottles, rocks and other weapons.
According to CBS, one woman reportedly broke a candleholder from a nearby memorial and used it as a weapon. At least two people were hospitalized.
“Two people really sustained major injuries,” said Sacramento Police Sgt. Andrew Pettit to CBS. “Those two people were reportedly hit with bats and they went to the hospital requiring stitches.”
CBSLocal in NutSackTown reported that after the melee, some of the brawling bitches went into a nearby convenience store for cold drinks! A couple of foatys (Hood Rat talk meaning 40s), no doubt.
On the Other Hand
What if this Clash of the Titans and Louisville Sluggers had involved a man’s comment to a woman other than his wife? Mayhem, massive bloodshed and a gazebo-removing frenzy would have ensued with gazebos rolling like Homeless Marbles down the streets of NutSackramento. 
Then the women would have jumped in and the REAL horror would have begun.
I shudder at the thought. 
Dumbasses.