Category: iPhone

Another "Dummy" Nominee! 5 Day Cell Phone Guy!

Not for Dumbasses

This time of year always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. That’s because I eat a lot of Meskin food during the Holiday Season. Do you realize what a ton of jalapenos and onions will do to your intestinal tract? Two words: Ass. Explosions. ‘Nuff said. 

On the real side, I really do enjoy the latter part of December. Not because of the Christmas thing and all that, but because it’s the time of year that we at Dumbass News get to look back over the 300+ posts from 2011 and determine who wins the most sought after  prize in the History of the Internet ©. The “Dummy”! 

Yes, friends, I have so much time on my hands that I can actually look through over 300 posts from this year and pick out a handful that are “Dummy”-worthy. Is that sad or what? Now, if each of you were to hit the ole “Donate” button in the right sidebar with a five spot once a month, my lifestyle would improve so I could get off my ass and waste a shitload of money at the strip club take my wife and kids out to eat once in a while. Regardless, I shall sally forth in the great name and cause of dumbassery, exposing the truly demented things that Dumbasses from every nook and cranny of this planet do on a daily basis. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. 

Gilligan’s Island Dumbass  

I have posted this one story numerous times throughout the year and it has been a hit every. single. time. It’s that good. It’s about a guy who took a quick trip to an island just off the California coast just to get away from it all. Like millions of other people, the guy took his cell phone along for the ride. Then he got stranded and a major case of the Dumbass set in. Here’s the story in its entirety.

See what I mean? When the Dumbass hits, it knows no limits to the idiocy it heaps on its innocent, but fucking stoopid, victims.

Our Third Nominee  

Any human being with an ounce of brain power that can do something that damn dumb is a perfect candidate for the 2nd Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Award. Hence, this dumbass is our third nominee for this most-cherished of prizes. Let’s just hope the guy doesn’t get lost on the way to the award ceremonies. He might have to call in using his iPhone. And we don’t have five days to wait on this sorry nitwit.

Not for Dumbasses either.



A Dumbass With $500 Wants an iPhone, Instead Gets Robbed at Gunpoint!

Favorite Phone of Dumbasses Everywhere

The internet is a great thing. You can shop, pay bills, find information on almost anything, even find a spouse. However, with all this electronic convenience comes plenty of electronic danger – stolen IDs, credit card fraud, prostitution, even death. Having said all that, the World Wide Web is an incredible tool, with the benefits of it far outweighing its downside. I would think that any almost sane person would know and recognize the warning signs of a bad thing on the net. Still, there are dumbasses who put themselves in situations that could lead to bad things happening to them.

You just know that I am going somewhere with this, don’t you? There’s this dumbass out in California (but, I repeat myself) who found an iPhone for sale on Craigslist and set up a meeting with the seller. The meeting was, get ready for this, to be held behind a Carl’s Jr’! This is one of those bad things I mentioned up there^^^ Did I tell you that the dumbass had $500 cash money on him to purchase the iPhone with? Yep. Let us go over this situation again. Dumbass finds iPhone for sale on Craigslist. Dumbass has $500 cash to purchase iPhone with. Dumbass also sets a meeting with the iPhone seller behind Carl’s Jr. What could possibly go wrong? If you said the “seller” of the iPhone pulls a semiautomatic pistol and robbed the dumbass with $500, you win a Dinky Button. The Police were as dumbfounded as anybody about this crime. A cop from the local PD said, “Broad daylight in a public place — you really can’t ask for anything more than that,” the cop said. “This is so new, we don’t really have guidelines on it,” he said of criminals using online sales to lure victims. “Just be careful.” The cop actually said this with a straight face. He saved the side-busting laughter for later when there were no reporters around.

Just be careful indeed. Here are some tips from Dumbass News that you should follow when making a face to face transaction with someone on the internet: Rule 1) Schedule the meeting to be in a public place like inside the Carl’s Jr. Better yet follow Rule 2) Get a fucking PayPal account! They are FREE to set up and you’ll avoid a lot of hassles that could lead to, let’s say, armed robbery! Dumbass. Rule 3) Go to Best Buy or some other retailer. You can buy an iPhone there and even set up serivce with a major tele-electronics place, like Verizon or AT&T for $500 and they won’t even pull a semiautomatic pistol on you. Dumbass.