Category: John Wayne

Fearless Leader Remembers Dad

Dad, Debbie & the Young Siblings

Today’s story is very personal. If you came looking for teh funnay, I can’t bring it today. Having said that, I think many of you will relate to what I am gonna write about.

8 Years Ago Today 

June 5, 2004 was just another day at the Dumbass Dome. So I thought.

I was doing the normal routine – having a beer for breakfast, smokin’ a fatty and getting tuned up for work. I was walking past the front door of my house when I saw a black Toyota zoom into my drive way. It was my sister, Cheryl. From Dallas. 100 miles away from where I lived. Instinct told me that something was wrong. Very wrong.

It was. Very wrong.

My Dad had died. Unexpectedly. He was 65 years old. Much too young to meet his Maker. He had been in the hospital for some tests, but I had no idea whatsoever that his condition was life-threatening.

Dad could not have just died. I saw him a couple of days before as he and his wife, Debbie, drove by my house on the way to theirs. I lived about a half-mile down the road, so used to see Dad and Debbie drive by all the time. He looked OK, if not a bit skinny (for him). We chatted for a second or two and I told him, ,”I love you, Dad’. That was the last time I saw my Dad alive.


My Dad
Cecil Shoemaker, October 6, 1938 – June 5, 2004, was Dad to five kids – me and my two sisters he had with my Mom and a brother and sister he had with my Step Mom, Debbie. Dad was a Country Boy from Troup, Texas. He was a truck driver (CB Handle – “Gunslinger”. Dad loved Western movies, especially John Wayne) for over 40 years and countless millions of miles. A simple man who worked hard for everything he got.

He was tough as nails and soft as cotton at the same time. Contradictory? Maybe, but that was the way he was. An enigma. I must say here, however, that the “soft as cotton” side of my Father came a bit later in life. He’d agree with that, I’m sure.

On my birthday one year, I coaxed Dad into going fishing at Joe Poole Lake near Dallas. We were having a few beers and chunkin’ spinner baits along side a tree line in the water and BAM! I had one! It turned out to be a largemouth bass weighing about four pounds. Dad was at the back of the boat smiling like he’d just won the lottery. You know, I think at that moment he felt like he’d just become an instant millionaire. I was somewhere in my 30s when this all took place, but there was something in Dad’s eyes that said he was watching his little boy land his first fish. You know what? I was that little boy landing that first fish. A flood of memories of fishing stock ponds in East Texas when I was a small child inundated my mind. Instead of being in my boat on a big ass lake near one of the nation’s largest cities, there we were – Dad, me, Grandma, Grandpa, my sisters and my Mom – catching crappie on cane poles at my Uncle Walter’s place in Betty, Texas. Dad beaming like I had just become a BASSMasters Champion. Like I was a little boy again. And for a split second, he was “Daddy” and I was five years old.

I shall never forget that moment.

Or Dad.

You Never Know 

Nobody was expecting Dad to die that day eight years ago, but he did and we can’t put sand back into the hourglass, so we all had to adjust to life without him. We have adjusted I suppose, but there are still times when I run into a situation and automatically think to myself, “I’ll call Dad! He knows what to do!”

Then reality sets in in as quick as a hiccup.

I write this today, not only to remember my Dad, but to remind you of yours. If he’s still alive, call him once in a while. Have a beer with him. Take him fishin’. Most of all, tell him that you love him.

It may be the last words he ever hears from you.

Dumbass.

I love you, Dad.

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Cattle Crash Party; Drink All the Beer!

Cattle Prefer One Over the Other

Ahhhh Summer Time. The season of warm weather, gentle breezes, backyard cook outs, cattle drinking all your beer…wait! Whaaaaaat the hell?! Beer-drinking cows? That’s not the only dumbass detail about this story.

Beer-swilling bovine is not exactly a topic commonly brought up around the water cooler at work, but if the subject of cows drinking barley pop ever came up you’d think it would happen in a place famous for having lots of cattle – like Texas, Montana or Wisconsin. That is not, however, the case with this edition of Dumbass News.

A Moooooving Time Was Had By All

Imagine that you are having a few friends over to your pad for a BBQ and cold beer. Easy enough, it’s Summer Time and that sort of thing happens this time of year. It’s also inevitable that some uninvited Dumbass will hear about your soiree and stop by to ruin an otherwise good time. That’s bad enough. But when the party is crashed by a whole herd, and I mean herd, of non-invitees, the damn thing goes to Hell in a hand basket real quick like.

Think about it. There you are swiggin’ co’ beer and bullshittin’ with your buddies and all of the sudden a herd of cattle stampede into your back yard! That’s the “dumbass detail” I alluded to up there^^^^? This incident actually happened in…

in Massachusetts??!! You mean the home of Bean Town, the Patriots, Paul Revere and the Red Sox Massachusetts? Yep. That’s the one.

Head ’em Up, Move ’em Out!

“Quick, boys! Before all the Miller Lite is gone!”

This ordeal took place in Boxford, Massivetwoshits when the police were rounding up a herd of cattle that had escaped their confines. As the (insert John Wayne movie title here) moment unfolded, the cattle decided to break ranks and head for the hills. Or in this case, someone’s back yard.

The cops heard (pun intended; heard; herd; I kill myself sometimes) a shit load of screamimg coming from the back yard and arrived to see the cows drinking all the party goers’ beer! According to an officer on the scene, and I am not making this up, the bovine beer burglars “preferred the Bud Light to the Miller Lite.” I smell a marketing campaign for Bud Light coming up here.

Beef & Beer

I have come to a couple of conclusions after reading about this.

Conclusion 1: Besides the obvious Bud Light campaign yet to be gleaned from this deal, I am firmly convinced that some Einstein out there has already started making plans to keep his cow herd drunk and sell the meat as “pre-marinated”.

and…

Conclusion 2: The next time I am having a party I will be serving my guests Miller Lite just in case there is a cattle stampede. The cattle can bring their own Bud Light.

I’m just sayin’.

Dumbasses.