The Mississippi Squirrel Revival – Ray Stevens (1985)
For today’s story we are going to inject a little culture into The Dumbass Horde Routine – a routine that normally includes heavy consumption of alcohol, a little Latin Lettuce, farting and scratching of gazebos. Then the weekend comes along and the real fun begins.
Our venture into culture involves music. Why music? Because today is World Music Day (WMD). According to Wikipedia, “The Fête de la Musique, also known as World Music Day, is a music festival taking place on June 21.World Music Day is a day on which the world celebrates the magical gift of music.” And by “magical gift of music” they mean shit like Slim Whitman’s “Una Paloma Blanca”.
WMD was started in Fwance by an American musician, Joel Cohen. This Fete de la Musique is celebrated in over TWO countries worldwide! Actually World Music Day is duly feted in 32 (and counting) nations all over the globe.
In trying to keep up with cultural events in every town and city on the planet, and the chance to insult the Fwench, I, as your Fearless Leader have declared today as the first ever in the history of civilization, Dumbass Music Day©! Fwance, with its fucked up food (the Frogs eat shitloads of liver. I hate liver. Except for catfish bait), women who’d rather star in some Prison Slut movie with subtitles instead of shaving their armpits, their solid white
surrender national flag and their hoity toity pussified Fete de la Musique, ain’t got nuthin’ on Dumbass Music Day©.
|The Undisputed King of Dumbass Music
I am bound and determined to show those androgynous bunch of pansies what a real worldwide music day is like. Therefore, I have chosen a few songs that are definitely worthy of being presented to the Dumbass Nation. The selections for Dumbass Music Day © will be listed in no particular order, so this is not a ranking of Dumbass Music. All of these real gone gassers are #1 !!!
Sooooooooooo, Dumbass Horde…ready yourself for stacks and stacks of hot wax, get loosened up to shake your groove thang and have a barf bag handy! Dumbass Music Day© is next!!!
And Now, Ladies & Gentlemen…
Google, Blogger and YouTube loudly resent and in spite of public opinion, the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde
reluctantly proudly presents The First Ever in the History of Civilization Dumb…Ass…Music Day!!!!! (frenzied applause)
We get this historic event underway with s song that will tickle your didgeridoo. It comes to us from Down Under…leading off momentous occasion is Rolf Harris with the 1963 smash hit “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport”
Thanks for that bit of Aussie culture, Rolf! But culture at what price? Why would Rolf request that Sport tie his kangaroo down? My guess is that Sport is a little bit light in the loafers. It must get pretty lonely in the far reaches of the Out Back and after a while those
giant rats ‘roos begin to look pretty damn good. I’m just sayin’.
Your Fearless Leader was once a radio DJ. Yes I was a star on another form of media for over 15 years. I was lucky enough to meet and interview dozens of Country Music superstars of the day – Hank Williams, Jr, Willie Nelson (I smoked a joint w/ Willie) and Merle Haggard to name a few. I also played some damn fine songs on my radio show during that time. This was not one of them.
This Dumbass Tune was both a blessing and a curse for Billy Ray Cyrus. It shot him into international superstardom and made him a rich man. That’s the blessing. The curse is that the song sucks and it is the one memory that country music fans will have of Billy Ray. It’s a shame, too. BRC has written and recorded some good songs. Like “Some Gave All”.
Even the Holiest of Days is not immune from Dumbass music. If memory serves me correctly the guy who wrote this song was of the Jewish Persuasion. A Christmas song, maybe even the most popular secular Christmas song ever was written was the brain storm of a freakin’ Hebe! You can’t make this stuff up.
The song of course is….
Excuse me while I wipe a teensy weensy tear from my face. Hell no! I ain’t cryin’ because some old battle axe got creamed by a Fat White Guy and some reindeer in some low ridin’ sleigh, I’m cryin’ because my ears are screaming in pain at the thought of hearing this song AGAIN! Is there no Gawd!!!!????
The King of Dumbass Music
A thought crossed my mind as I typed out the five words above. We need a symbol for Dumbass Music Day. This guy is PERFECT for the role. He’s been making hit Dumbass records for fifty years! That’s half a century, folks. The Undisputed King of Dumbass Music is Roy Ray Ragsdale! What. The. Hell? You know him better as Ray Stevens! (rousing, emotional standing O) The first Ray Stevens song I remember is from the early 60s. It was all about the Sheik of the Burnin’ Sand – “Ahab the Arab”!
I’d love to do a long story on Ray Stevens, but I’ll save that for another day. So, as we say farewell today, the following video is probably the most popular novelty song in history.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my distinct privilege and an honor to present to you a man who has put more smiles on faces than anyone in the history of Mankind, with possible exception of the 3 Stooges, the King of Dumbass Music and the Official Symbol of this joyous day…Mister…Ray Stevens!!!!!!!!!!! (crowd goes completely ape shit)…
The Streak -Ray Stevens (1974)
This was a very difficult story to complete simply because the tremendous inventory of Dumbass Music available on the web. Plus my faulty memory. If you have a Dumbass Song that you’d like to share with The Dumbass Horde, just email me with a link to the Dumbass song at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com, or just leave a link or the song title (and I’ll try to find a link for it) in the comment section of this post.
that’s it for today Fellow Dumbasses! I’m sure that throughout the day, I’ll recall a Dumbass Song and will in turn post it and send out a Dumbass Update so you too can enjoy the art that soothes the savage Dumbass.
For the King of Dumbass Music, Ray Stevens, I am the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. Get stuffed…
Update: New Dumbass Song!
This was actually the first Dumbass song that came to my mind when I decided to show the Fwench that Dumbass Music Day is far superior to their pussified World Music Day. Top this, you Frog Fellaters! This Dumbass Tune Video even has a flip side!
They’re Coming to Take Me Away – Napoleon IVX (1966, Charted #3)
Purple People Eater – Sheb Wooley (June, 1958, Charted #3)
The King of Dumbass Songs rates a few entries on Dumbass Music Day. Here’s another classic Dumbass Song by The Master, Ray Stevens
Gitarzan, Released January 6, 1969
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah – Allan Sherman, (1963)
My Dingaling – Chuck Berry, (1972)
My Girl Bill – Jim Stafford, (1974)