Category: Katie

A Stoned Dumbass With Ten Big Ones

30 Day Home to a Dumbass

Let me right off the bat say that I am a yay for science kind of guy. Having said that, I think you’ll understand why I have named a lady who spent thirty days in a museum the Dumbass of the Day.

This little tale of dumbassery comes to us from Chicago which soon will not be known as The Windy City, but as The Dumbass City. Here’s why: A lady named Kate won a drawing and the first prize was $10,000 and a thirty day stay at the museum. The ten grand I am all over. But the thirty days in the museum, not so much. I once spent twelve days in a Ford mini van, hoisted about fifteen feet in the air by a big ass crane, as a promotional event for a Ford dealership in Wichita Falls, Texas. Thirty days in a museum would be a cakewalk compared to that, but it’s still not on my Top Ten List Ways to Be Couped Up.

So Katie the Dumbass Lady “won” this contest and spent a month in the Museum of Science and Industry doing God knows what with pistons, fulcrums and levers. Sounds like a porn flick in the making. But I digress.

Katie’s itinerary included breakfast with Apollo astronaut Jim Lovell, watching an open heart surgery and interacting with teachers and students who visited the museum. I don’t know about you, but my perfect day starts off with a pan-fried pork chop, fried eggs and fried taters, followed by a little open heart surgery as a prelude to lunch. I understand that the teachers and students who came across Katie during their field trips to the museum, went home and said, “Mommy! We saw the new dumbass exhibit at the museum today! And she talks!” At which point Mommy replied, “That’s nice, dear.”

“These 30 days have been a whirlwind of ‘firsts’ for me, and it’s been such a great experience,” Katie said. “It’s hard to believe that this adventure is coming to a close, but I have definitely discovered my inner science geek during these 30 days and met some incredible people.” Discovered her inner science geek? I think she discovered her inner “I am a bigger dumbass now than I was thirty days ago” geek who hallucinated on some 2000 year old mushrooms from the “Technology In Farming” exhibit. Put simply, Katie was a stoned dumbass for thirty days. That’s the only explanation I can’t come with in regards to her quote above.

I gotta hand it to Katie in one regard though. She’s a stoned dumbass with ten grand and I’m a sober dumbass who, that if it cost a nickel to go around the world, couldn’t get out of town.

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