Category: Kentucky

Roadkill Restaurant!

Best of Dumbass News

You know how in any town of any size there are 134 Dine In/Take Out Chinese Restaurants to every citizen? I have, and I’m sure you have as well, wondered how they could serve an All You Can buffet fit for an Emperor for only $5.99.

Now we have an answer. And it ain’t purty.

Roadkill.

All Joking Aside…

I have often joked about the reason the prices are so low is that the owners of the restaurant, often immigrants to America and unfamiliar with our customs and laws, probably got the meat on the buffet from the local Animal Shelter. It’s worse than that, folks. Much worse.

CBS affiliate WYMT tells us about a Chinese restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky that went the extraa mile in feeding their customers. And by “extra mile” I mean to the nearest interstate highway. WYMT reports, “Two of the workers came in wheeling a garbage can and they had a box sitting on top of it. And hanging out of the garbage can, they were trying to be real quick with it. So that nobody could see it. But there was like a tail, and a foot and leg. Sticking out of the garbage can and they wheeled it straight back into the kitchen,” adds Hopkins. (ed.- “Hopkins” was a customer/witness to this mess)
Hopkins, who described the scene that left a trail of blood across the floor as ‘very disturbing,’ called the health department immediately.
An environmental health inspector, Paul Lawson, reportedly arrived at the Chinese restaurant after the complaint to find a dead deer in the restaurant’s kitchen.

The workers did this with customers in the dining room!

Woops!

What? No Possum?

Before reading the story, I was thinking that some Ma and Pa cafe had been caught serving possum or raccoon in their place. I never in a million years would have guessed it was a Chinese restaurant. We’re talking about Kentucky, not Cal-ee-forn-ya here.

What kills me is the fact that the two China Guys thought they could get away with wheeling the dead deer in the trash can through the dining area. With actual customers in there and everything. I would give a thousand bucks to have heard the hatching of this brilliant plan.

China Guy 1: Hey, Won Hung Lo! Let’s go on the north side of Interstate 75 and look for tomorrows buffet meet. I hear the truckers run over deer and possum there like crazy and just leave them laying on the roadside. Those ungrateful Imperialist Yankee Pigs!

China Guy 2: OK, Dum Phuk Er! Let’s go!

China Guy 1: When we get back to the restaurant, we must quickly wheel the roadkill in through the Dining Room Got It? Those Amerian Dogs will be too busy eating yesterday’s skunk, which they think is beef! Hahahahaha!

China Guy 2: You crack me up, Dum Phuk Er! Wait’ll they get a load of the “duck”!

China Guys 1 & 2: bwahahahahahahahaha !!!! 

Which brings me to a joke. How many Chinese restaurant owners does it take to make a lunch buffet? Two. One to watch out for traffic! bwahahahahahahahahaha I kill myself sometimes.

Penalty Box

You’d think that some major closure and/or fines would be imposed on the restaurant owners, right? Wrong. The WYMT report goes on, “The Red Flower Chinese Restaurant will not face any fines and will be able to reopen if they pass a secondary health inspection. The restaurant owner alleges that he was going to serve the deer to his family and not to customers.” 

Riiiiiiiiiiiighttt. And I am the fucking Tooth Fairy

Dumbasses.

(Image from WYMT.com)

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Buying Pot Online, Shipping It Via USPS = Bad Idea

Best of Dumbass News
Order Now!
I love the internet. I really do. If something can be done, it can be done on the world wide web, or the “3 Dub” as we international “3 Dub” blogging sensations call it.

Think about it, you look up the latest news, sports, weather, etc. You can locate long lost friends on sites like Facebook, do background checks on potential employees, do banking, buy pot…What? Yes, fellow Dumbasses, drug dealing runs amok on the internet. What in the name of the Patron Saint of the 3 Dub (Al Gore) is going on here?

Let me splain. puffpuffpasspass

Bluegrass State

High on the List of Cool Things to Do on the 3 Dub is gaming. Millions people from all over the Planet play games and make friends with others from far away places every day, even in Kentucky. The thing is that every Tom, Dick and Jim Bob with an internet connection and a $20 computer recently bought at a yard sale in the trailer park can access the web and do all kinds of stoopid shit stuff. Like buy pot from essentially a total stranger in a far away land named Cal-ee-forn-ya. My guess is that all Gomer in Kentucky knows about Cal-ee-forn-ya is what he “cyphered”from watching reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies and wondering how in the name of corn likker did they get those people in that little TV box.

Billy Wayne does, however, know weed and he has probably read, or should I say had somebody read to him, all about the killer herb grown on the Left Coast. This is where internet gaming comes in.

Johnny Jethro became friends with a Dumbass Out West by way of the Xbox Network for Idiots Who Have No Teeth or Socially Redeeming Value. So, what does Willie Duke do? He orders some pot from the Dumbass Out West – a pound to be exact – and has it shipped from Cal-ee-forn-ya to Korntucky! Via the United States Postal Service! Maybe Silas Curtis has heard this before, but Inspectors from the USPS have absolutley no sense of humor when some asswipe tries to make them look stoopid by shipping contraband across thre country by way of Snail Mail.

123 Main Street

Or was that 132 Main Street? Well, good ole Homer Goober got his pot shipped without a hitch – until it arrived in his hometown of Lawrenceburg, Kentucky. See those addresses I typed back there? At first glance, you can see where some one might get the two confused. 99% of the time this would not be a big deal. It’s the 1% that is a big deal that it’s a BIG DEAL. Big deal as in major prison bitch hood awaits me in The Cornhole Unit of the KY (KY! Prison bitch! bwahahahahaha) State Penis-tentiary big deal.

You see, Jimmy Jake the Internet Pot Guru lives at 123 Main Street in L-burg. BUT! The pound of pot he bought from the Dumbass Out West was delivered to 132 Main Street! The poor guy who lived a 132 Main was, to say the least, surprised when he opened the package that he thought contained that “special friend” from Big Bob’s Blow Up Doll Emporium and Green Stamp Redemption Center, only to discover over $2000 worth of Latin Lettuce. After the initial shock (and a couple of bong hits) wore off, Poor Guy at 132 Main called the local constabulary and Jakey Jim was arrested and will undoubtedly be the talk of the Cornhole Unit soon.

Advice That’s Too Late

As Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde, the duty to counsel one of the minions on the proper way to avoid getting busted during a narcotics shipment, falls on my shoulders. It is, however, a burden that I was born to bear, so I do it freely and with great compasion.

Dude, there is a 100% guaranteed fool-proof way to avoid getting busted when shipping marijuana across state lines. Don’t do it, Dumbass! Good Gawd, son. You dare to call yourself a loyal member of the Dumbass Nation and pull stunts like this? Next time you decide you want or need an LB, grow it yourself! Do I have to tell you how to do illegal shit every. single. time? I am your Fearless Leader, not your fucking nanny.

Growing your own weed in Kentucky shouldn’t be that difficult to do and keep it on the down low. Think about it. Take away the populations of Louisville and Lexington and how many people actually live in Kentucky? Four? Five? Six, tops. See where I am going here? There aren’t enough people in the whole damn state (minus L & L) who would give a shit whether or not you farm a little “Blue Grass”. Why take a chance on getting popped for interstate pot selling and buying when you can grow it right out in your own Back 40?

To be sure, I am not advocating that any member of the Dumbass Community do something stoopid like grow pot (coughcoughbullshitcoughcough) Shipping your stash through the United States Postal Service, though,  is something that I highly recommend against. 

So, it’s off to the Big House for Frankie Joe where his new nick name (besides “Fresh Meat”) will be “Xbox Live”. And I’m sure his “Xbox” will be thoroughly “360”ed on a regular basis.

The guy is an afront to good, honest, hard-working dope-smoking hillbillies everywhere.

Dumbass.

In Case You Missed It: Dine In/Take Out Roadkill

You know how in any town of any size there are 134 Dine In/Take Out Chinese Restaurants to every citizen? I have, and I’m sure you have as well, wondered how they could serve an All You Can buffet fit for an Emperor for only $5.99.

Now we have an answer. And it ain’t purty.

Roadkill.

All Joking Aside…

I have often joked about the reason the prices are so low is that the owners of the restaurant, often immigrants to America and unfamiliar with our customs and laws, probably got the meat on the buffet from the local Animal Shelter. It’s worse than that, folks. Much worse.

CBS affiliate WYMT tells us about a Chinese restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky that went the extraa mile in feeding their customers. And by “extra mile” I mean to the nearest interstate highway. WYMT reports, “Two of the workers came in wheeling a garbage can and they had a box sitting on top of it. And hanging out of the garbage can, they were trying to be real quick with it. So that nobody could see it. But there was like a tail, and a foot and leg. Sticking out of the garbage can and they wheeled it straight back into the kitchen,” adds Hopkins. (ed.- “Hopkins” was a customer/witness to this mess)
Hopkins, who described the scene that left a trail of blood across the floor as ‘very disturbing,’ called the health department immediately.
An environmental health inspector, Paul Lawson, reportedly arrived at the Chinese restaurant after the complaint to find a dead deer in the restaurant’s kitchen.

The workers did this with customers in the dining room!

Woops!

What? No Possum?

Before reading the story, I was thinking that some Ma and Pa cafe had been caught serving possum or raccoon in their place. I never in a million years would have guessed it was a Chinese restaurant. We’re talking about Kentucky, not Cal-ee-forn-ya here.

What kills me is the fact that the two China Guys thought they could get away with wheeling the dead deer in the trash can through the dining area. With actual customers in there and everything. I would give a thousand bucks to have heard the hatching of this brilliant plan.

China Guy 1: Hey, Won Hung Lo! Let’s go on the north side of Interstate 75 and look for tomorrows buffet meet. I hear the truckers run over deer and possum there like crazy and just leave them laying on the roadside. Those ungrateful Imperialist Yankee Pigs!

China Guy 2: OK, Dum Phuk Er! Let’s go!

China Guy 1: When we get back to the restaurant, we must quickly wheel the roadkill in through the Dining Room Got It? Those Amerian Dogs will be too busy eating yesterday’s skunk, which they think is beef! Hahahahaha!

China Guy 2: You crack me up, Dum Phuk Er! Wait’ll they get a load of the “duck”!

China Guys 1 & 2: bwahahahahahahahaha !!!! 

Which brings me to a joke. How many Chinese restaurant owners does it take to make a lunch buffet? Two. One to watch out for traffic! bwahahahahahahahahaha I kill myself sometimes.

Penalty Box

You’d think that some major closure and/or fines would be imposed on the restaurant owners, right? Wrong. The WYMT report goes on, “The Red Flower Chinese Restaurant will not face any fines and will be able to reopen if they pass a secondary health inspection. The restaurant owner alleges that he was going to serve the deer to his family and not to customers.” 

Riiiiiiiiiiiighttt. And I am the fucking Tooth Fairy

Dumbasses.

(Image from WYMT.com)

Dine In/Take Out Chinese Roadkill Buffet

You know how in any town of any size there are 134 Dine In/Take Out Chinese Restaurants to every citizen? I have, and I’m sure you have as well, wondered how they could serve an All You Can buffet fit for an Emperor for only $5.99.

Now we have an answer. And it ain’t purty.

Roadkill.

All Joking Aside…

I have often joked about the reason the prices are so low is that the owners of the restaurant, often immigrants to America and unfamiliar with our customs and laws, probably got the meat on the buffet from the local Animal Shelter. It’s worse than that, folks. Much worse.

CBS affiliate WYMT tells us about a Chinese restaurant in Williamsburg, Kentucky that went the extraa mile in feeding their customers. And by “extra mile” I mean to the nearest interstate highway. WYMT reports, “Two of the workers came in wheeling a garbage can and they had a box sitting on top of it. And hanging out of the garbage can, they were trying to be real quick with it. So that nobody could see it. But there was like a tail, and a foot and leg. Sticking out of the garbage can and they wheeled it straight back into the kitchen,” adds Hopkins. (ed.- “Hopkins” was a customer/witness to this mess)
Hopkins, who described the scene that left a trail of blood across the floor as ‘very disturbing,’ called the health department immediately.
An environmental health inspector, Paul Lawson, reportedly arrived at the Chinese restaurant after the complaint to find a dead deer in the restaurant’s kitchen.

The workers did this with customers in the dining room!

Woops!

What? No Possum?

Before reading the story, I was thinking that some Ma and Pa cafe had been caught serving possum or raccoon in their place. I never in a million years would have guessed it was a Chinese restaurant. We’re talking about Kentucky, not Cal-ee-forn-ya here.

What kills me is the fact that the two China Guys thought they could get away with wheeling the dead deer in the trash can through the dining area. With actual customers in there and everything. I would give a thousand bucks to have heard the hatching of this brilliant plan.

China Guy 1: Hey, Won Hung Lo! Let’s go on the north side of Interstate 75 and look for tomorrows buffet meet. I hear the truckers run over deer and possum there like crazy and just leave them laying on the roadside. Those ungrateful Imperialist Yankee Pigs!

China Guy 2: OK, Dum Phuk Er! Let’s go!

China Guy 1: When we get back to the restaurant, we must quickly wheel the roadkill in through the Dining Room Got It? Those Amerian Dogs will be too busy eating yesterday’s skunk, which they think is beef! Hahahahaha!

China Guy 2: You crack me up, Dum Phuk Er! Wait’ll they get a load of the “duck”!

China Guys 1 & 2: bwahahahahahahahaha !!!! 

Which brings me to a joke. How many Chinese restaurant owners does it take to make a lunch buffet? Two. One to watch out for traffic! bwahahahahahahahahaha I kill myself sometimes.

Penalty Box 

You’d think that some major closure and/or fines would be imposed on the restaurant owners, right? Wrong. The WYMT report goes on, “The Red Flower Chinese Restaurant will not face any fines and will be able to reopen if they pass a secondary health inspection. The restaurant owner alleges that he was going to serve the deer to his family and not to customers.” 

Riiiiiiiiiiiighttt. And I am the fucking Tooth Fairy

Dumbasses.

(Image from WYMT.com)

Buying Pot Online, Then Shipping Through the US Mail is Not a Good Idea

I love the internet. I really do. If something can be done, it can be done on the world wide web, or the “3 Dub” as we international “3 Dub” blogging sensations call it.

Think about it, you look up the latest news, sports, weather, etc. You can locate long lost friends on sites like Facebook, do background checks on potential employees, do banking, buy pot…What? Yes, fellow Dumbasses, drug dealing runs amok on the internet. What in the name of the Patron Saint of the 3 Dub (Al Gore) is going on here?

Let me splain. puffpuffpasspass

Bluegrass State

High on the List of Cool Things to Do on the 3 Dub is gaming. Millions people from all over the Planet play games and make friends with others from far away places evry day, even in Kentucky. The thing is that every Tom, Dick and Jim Bob with an internet connection and a $20 computer recently bought at a yard sale in the trailer park can access the web and do all kinds of stoopid shit stuff. Like buy pot from essentially a total stranger in a far away land named Cal-ee-forn-ya. My guess is that all Gomer in Kentucky knows about Cal-ee-forn-ya is what he “cyphered”from watching reruns of the Beverly Hillbillies and wondering how in the name of corn likker did they get those people in that little TV box.

Billy Wayne does, however, know weed and he has probably read, or should I say had somebody read to him, all about the killer herb grown on the Left Coast. This is where internet gaming comes in.

Johnny Jethro became friends with a Dumbass Out West by way of the Xbox Network for Idiots Who Have No Teeth or Socially Redeeming Value. So, what does Willie Duke do? He orders some pot from the Dumbass Out West – a pound to be exact – and has it shipped from Cal-ee-forn-ya to Korntucky! Via the United States Postal Service! Maybe Silas Curtis has heard this before, but Inspectors from the USPS have absolutley no sense of humor when some asswipe tries to make them look stoopid by shipping contraband across thre country by way of Snail Mail.

123 Main Street

Or was that 132 Main Street? Well, good ole Homer Goober got his pot shipped without a hitch – until it arrived in his hometown of Lawrenceburg, Kentucky. See those addresses I typed back there? At first glance, you can see where some one might get the two confused. 99% of the time this would not be a big deal. It’s the 1% that is a big deal that it’s a BIG DEAL. Big deal as in major prison bitch hood awaits me in The Cornhole Unit of the KY (KY! Prison bitch! bwahahahahaha) State Penis-tentiary big deal.

You see, Jimmy Jake the Internet Pot Guru lives at 123 Main Street in L-burg. BUT! The pound of pot he bought from the Dumbass Out West was delivered to 132 Main Street! The poor guy who lived a 132 Main was, to say the least, surprised when he opened the package that he thought contained that “special friend” from Big Bob’s Blow Up Doll Emporium and Green Stamp Redemption Center, only to discover over $2000 worth of Latin Lettuce. After the initial shock (and a couple of bong hits) wore off, Poor Guy at 132 Main called the local constabulary and Jakey Jim was arrested and will undoubtedly be the talk of the Cornhole Unit soon.

Advice That’s Too Late

As Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde, the duty to counsel one of the minions on the proper way to avoid getting busted during a narcotics shipment, falls on my shoulders. It is, however, a burden that I was born to bear, so I do it freely and with great compasion.

Dude, there is a 100% guaranteed fool-proof way to avoid getting busted when shipping marijuana across state lines. Don’t do it, Dumbass! Good Gawd, son. You dare to call yourself a loyal member of the Dumbass Nation and pull stunts like this? Next time you decide you want or need an LB, grow it yourself! Do I have to tell you how to do illegal shit every. single. time? I am your Fearless Leader, not your fucking nanny.

Growing your own weed in Kentucky shouldn’t be that difficult to do and keep it on the down low. Think about it. Take away the populations of Louisville and Lexington and how many people actually live in Kentucky? Four? Five? Six, tops. See where I am going here? There aren’t enough people in the whole damn state (minus L & L) who would give a shit whether or not you farm a little “Blue Grass”. Why take a chance on getting popped for interstate pot selling and buying when you can grow it right out in your own Back 40?

To be sure, I am not advocating that any member of the Dumbass Community do something stoopid like grow pot (coughcoughbullshitcoughcough) Shipping your stash through the United States Postal Service, though,  is something that I highly recommend against. 

So, it’s off to the Big House for Frankie Joe where his new nick name (besides “Fresh Meat”) will be “Xbox Live”. And I’m sure his “Xbox” will be thoroughly “360”ed on a regular basis.

The guy is an afront to good, honest, hard-working dope-smoking hillbillies everywhere.

Dumbass.