Category: Little People

Dwarf Tossing – The Constitutional Right to Be a Dumbass!

A Dwarf and His Horses

It’s times like these that make me proud to be an American. Last night we had a Republican Presidential Candidate debate in my next door neighbor, New Hampshire. Democracy in action, with each candidate sharing his views on various matters to the citizens of this great land. Just like the Founding Fathers envisioned. One of the major objectives of the Founders was that government remain limited in its role in the American peoples’ lives. I am for that. The government should be really good at three things…Guarding our borders against all enemies, killing bad guys swiftly and efficiently while turning the hell holes they live in into nice parking lots and leaving me the hell alone! And believe it or not a State rep in Florida gets the idea of small government! Let me splain.

Representative Ritch Workman of Melbourne has introduced a bill to the state legislature that repeals a twenty-two year old ban on dwarf tossing! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! we used to do something similar when I was a younger man back home in Texas. We’d throw horse shoes – with the horse still in them! It was a tough go but we managed until we got too drunk and/or stoned at which time we’d throw women. The women loved it! The chicks were drunk an/or stoned also, so it was in the name of fun and togetherness. Besides, the women folk knew if they played that they would “get some” later. OK, I made that stuff up, except for the drunk and/or stoned part.

Back to the midgets. Rep. Workman does not endorse nor condone tossing Little People, but he says that it is every American Midget’s God-given right to be passed around like a good one-hitter amid a sea of drunk dumbasses if he or she chooses to do so. I agree. This is America dammit and each and every one of her 310,000,000 residents has the Constitutional Right to be the best and brightest at his/her chosen field of endeavor. That same right applies to dumbasses too! Stoopid people, homeless people and midgets are guaranteed by the United States Constitution to be the biggest and best dumbass he or she can possibly be! Can I get an amen from the Readership?

Needless to say that the Little People of America is not exactly enthused by this situation. The Head Midget says that dwarfs who worked at being tossed about were alcoholics and had bad self-esteem. No shit, dumbass! Still, cry me a fucking river. Or since you are a Little Person Dumbass, cry me a creek, asswipe. Look, I don’t give a shit about Dwarf Tossing. If a Little Man wants to do that stoopid and demeaning shit, more power to him. It’s NOT about the dehumanizing of midgets being thrown around like rags dolls, it’s about The Right to Be Stoopid as put forth and guaran-fucking-teed by the document that is the very foundation of this country! So relax and puff on a fattie, Little People. “Normal” sized folks do stoopid shit that dwarf (pun intended) Dwarf Tossing all the time. Hideous, vile, destructive, thoughtless things. Like vote for Democrats.

Dumbasses.

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