Category: Mariah Carey

Celebrity Dumbasses: Roseanne, Spike, Hagar and More!

1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, Floor

Like it or not, the American public looks up to celebrities in ways that aren’t always, shall we say, healthy. Many of our fellow citizens look up to celebs as some kind of guru or some stoopid shit, when in reality, most celebrities are just stoopid shits themselves. Talent, or lack thereof, aside, many famous people are just as big a Dumbass as those who worship them.

Some of the more incredibly infamous stunts pulled by these “I’m Famous and Therefore Better Than You” assholes include Roseanne Barr’s screeching rendition of our National Anthem and more recently Spike “I’ll Take the Black Guy’s Side Because Whitey is a Raaaaacist” Lee’s tweet revealing the home address of the “White Hispanic” (whatever the fuck that is) guy who killed a black teenager down South. Spike did this despite the fact that there are conflicting stories about what actually happened! The shooter wasn’t black, so good old Spike jumped right in there condemning the “White Hispanic” guy because, well because he ain’t black. There’s one minor problem here. Lee tweeted the wrong address! The address put out there for the Twitterverse to see belonged to a couple in their 70s that had nothing to do with this whole tragic incident! Nice job, Spike. Bigoted asswipe.

Other Celebrity Dumbasses

There are more than enough Dumbass famous people who do idiotic things to belittle and berate, but I picked a few for today’s post that are real attention grabbers and surefire candidates for Celebrity Dumbass of the Year.

Behold:

Hagar Cabo’d When He Should Have Wabo’d Sammy Hagar is a nut case. Decades of nightly blasting of concert amplifiers have scrambled the Red Rocker’s gray matter. He claims that he was once abducted by aliens! And I don’t mean Meskins.

Remembering Kurt Cobain in a Very Special Way – Cobain’s widow, Courtney Love, has snorted many foreign substances up her nose over her lifetime, but non more special than Kurt Cobain’s cremated remains. No. Shit.

Doggie Therapy for Mariah’s Pooches – Mariah Carey is by most accounts a very nice, if not weird, young lady. With the voice of an angel also comes the brains of a spit wad. When Mariah was preggers with her twins, she put her dogs in therapy so the puppies would learn how to deal with the arrival of the baby bookends. No word yet on whether she’s breast feeding the dogs along side the twins.

I’m sure that I’ll be writing about more Dumbass Celebrities in the future, so these stories will probably seem tame in comparison with what is yet to come. I can’t wait!

Happy Easter & Passover 

I joke and cuss and demean Dumbasses on a daily basis on this blog, so the “Serious Times” are few and far between. I want to, however, wish all of you a blessed Easter and a spiritually edifying Passover. God bless you all.

Dumbasses.  🙂

Advertisements

Say It Ain’t So, Mariah!

Photo by James Devaney

What is it about getting rich and famous that turns seemingly plain old folks into dumbasses? I can understand all of the sudden that you have more money than God and you are now able to go places and do things that before you could only dream of. More power to you in that case. What I am talking about is when sudden riches turn ordinary people into blathering dumbasses, so far removed from reality and where they come from that they are, as a person, completely unrecognizable from what they once were. Mariah Carey is one of those people.

I don’t know much about Ms. Carey except that she a pretty girl and can sing her ass off. I couldn’t name you one of her songs if you held a gun to my head. I also remember a while back when she was in the news all the time because she had some “medical issues”. I thought she had conquered those demons and she made a career comeback of epic proportions, got married and is expecting twins. I think that’s great after all she has been through. Then Mariah goes and opens her mouth and removes all doubt that she is a dumbass. Let me splain.

Mariah has several dogs. Again, good for her. I am sure that she loves her dogs and takes very good care of them. Maybe too good care of them. With the impending arrival of her two little bundles of joy, Mariah cares enough for her pooches that she is sending them to therapy so they won’t feel left out when the babies get here! Are you fucking kidding me? Here’s a quote from the story on BoomBox  “but the mom-to-be is pulling out all the stops to make sure they don’t get jealous of the new addition to the family. Mimi has hired a dog psychologist to treat her four Jack Russell dogs. The singer called on the doc to help prevent the canines from having any sort of envy regarding her imminent twins.” The comments are even better. Check these two out:

Let’s see you have four established Jack Russell terriers in a household where two new babies are about to join. Since Jack Russell’s were originally used for fox hunting and can be quite aggressive I see nothing in getting help for the dogs to cope with the new additions to the household. Pet experts always recommend taking measures to ensure the dogs get acclimated to babies. If the dogs harmed the babies all the haters would be singing a different tune and questioning why Mariah didn’t do anything in advance to prepare the dogs for the babies’ arrival. 

And this doozy from the same dumbass: “Since Jack Russell’s were originally used for fox hunting and can be quite aggressive I see nothing WRONG in getting help for the dogs to cope with the new additions to the household”. Just remember that people like this flaming dumbshit vote. I’m just sayin’.

I’m sure that Mariah Carey is a very nice young lady and a kind hearted soul. And it’s her money so she can waste it any way she sees fit. But, if she’s worried about those damn dogs hurting her babies, she could, oh…I don’t know…give them away or something! I know that if I had a dog and it ever even looked like it was gonna hurt one of my kids, the fucking mongrel would be learning discipline courtesy of Messrs. Smith and Wesson. End of dog. End of story. No fuss, no muss. So, Mariah, save your money and find another good home for your dogs. I’m certain that you wouldn’t as quick as I am to introduce them to Mr. Smith and his buddy Mr.Wesson. But then, again, why would you do that? Dumbass.

 (Hat tip to Heather the Wife)