Category: McDonalds

Dumbass Job Hunting Tips

Our country is in a helluva mess these days. We are $16 Trillion (that’s 16 followed by twelve zeros) in the hole with an unemployment  rate officially listed at around 8%. With millions of Americans now so discouraged that they are no longer looking for work, the real jobless figure is in the neighborhood of 18% according to some economists.

These statistics indicate that it’s a very competitive market for job seekers. Too many seekers, not enough jobs.

I am retired so pounding the pavement in search of employment is not high on my list of priorities. However, I am very concerned for my fellow Dumbasses who are looking to rejoin the work force, desperately seeking a way out of Mommy’s basement a source of steady income (other than dealing meth that is).

Job Hunting Tips

Because I care, I am offering, as a public service, the following helpful tips that will make finding a job easier for even the most inexperienced of Dumbasses. And by “most inexperienced of Dumbasses”, I of course mean the lazy bastards who’ll be thrown out on their asses if they don’t come up with something to contribute to Mom’s monthly Cheetos bill.

In order to get the most effective job hunting tips for you chronically unemployed losers, I went to the Professionals at Monster.com.

  • Pick and Choose – Look for companies that you are interested in and that match your job skills and experience. For most of you reading this, that means learn to say “Can I super size that for you?”
  • Work Your Network – In other words, regularly check with your buddies on Facebook and find out where you’ll meet up to smoke your next joint and talk about how “The Man” has stuck it to you. Talking about finding a job is optional.
  • Sell Yourself – Female Dumbasses will understand this tip to mean “become a hooker”.
  • Stay Positive – This is probably the best advice you can get when you are looking for work. After you’ve been turned down a few dozen times, stay positive that you are just a pox on humanity and have no socially redeeming value.
  • Wait for the Job Offers to Pour In – Since we know that you are a scourge to polite society, this will never happen, so now you can go back downstairs and open up a new bag of Cheetos.

I hope that I have been of some sort of help and inspiration to you by offering these invaluable job hunting tips. If you follow them, the hunt for your next welfare pay check will be much smoother and without the hassle of actually doing anything meaningful.

All this because I care.

Dumbasses.  

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McDonalds – No Insurance, Lousy Benefits Turn McD Wimmin into Hookers!

Just what do some Dumbasses have against McDonalds? I can’t figger it out myself. Mcd’s offers some of the best tasteless food in the world. Every once in a while I love to scarf down a Big Mac or Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Or both. My kids loves the nastiness that is a Happy Meal. They also love the lead paint covered cheap ass toys that come with the Happy meal. I don’t mean to get all mushy here, but I have been eating at McDonalds since their hamburgers cost something like 19 cents. I remember when the signs at Mickey D’s read “Over 2 Sold”! I ask these questions for a very good reasons, which I will go into in a just a minute.

Dumbass News has featured dumbass-inspired stories about McDonalds on more than one occasion. For example, here and here. It pains me to say it, but neither of these Dumbass stories has as serious implications as the one you are about to read.

McWhore

There’s a lady, and I use that term loosely, in Las Vegas who has filed a lawsuit against the fast food giant

You Want Me to Do What?

because, as she states in the suit, it is because of the minimum wage salary she was paid at McD’s that she became a prostitute! yes, fellow Dumbasses, I am sad to report that low pay and lack of a good benefits package at the Home of the Quarter Pounder, that has driven women like Shelley Lynn to become skanky sluts. Shame on you Ronald McDonald!

You see, Shelley once worked at a McDonalds owned at the time by her then-husband. As it turns out, there other would-be skanky sluts working there too. And it’s all because of the lousy pay and benefit packages at the Golden Arches. Being the visionary entrepreneur that he was, Shelley’s husband found a way to increase business at his restaurant. A good marketing campaign maybe? Kind of. He started pimping out his female employees! These women were listed on the store menu as the “Furry McTacos”. But I digress.

You wanna know why these whores felt it necessary to sell their McWares? If you guessed the lousy pay ans bennies from their employer, you would be right! These women were not making enough money to support themselves or their families, so they got a second job selling their “McHappy Meals”, if you know what I mean and I think you do. They are inspirations to young sluts everywhere. Did I mention that all this bullshit in Shelley’s lawsuit took place more than twenty years ago? Since then Shelley has been employed by brothels in the Las Vegas area screwing horny dumbasses for what I imagine would be very good money.

What?

Over twenty years ago! That must be some kind of mental duress! It’s also a Top Tier Dumbass Thing to Do. Shelley, we know that were peddling your McMuffin while you worked at McDonalds, now you sell it for thousands of times more money. Only the price has changed. You were twenty years ago and still are today, shit stain on the underwear of society. As for your now ex-husband, the best part of him ran down his mother’s leg.

Look. I know that what Shelley is doing now is perfectly legal in Nevada and I have no qualms about that. It’s the “I am still a victim” mindset that pisses me off. let me tell you, Shelley, if you were ashamed to sell your “woman hood” back then, then why continue to be a Godless Hooker all this time later? Do you have a bad coke habit? Owe the Mob money? Like to fuck a lot? Yeah, you are a “victim” OK. Stoopid cum funnel.

Once this suit goes in front of a judge, Comedy Gold should be at a Three Stooges Level of brilliance. If any of you in the Vegas area have any more on this story now or later, please email it to me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. If you do, I’ll make you the next Dumbass Emeritus, second line only to WTFWiFi founder  Alexandra Janelli, an Honor you’ll cherish for life.


Adios to Shelley

Shelley, keep on selling what you sell, because one day it will as rancid as the maggots on a five year old Big Mac. I was gonna get real graphic here but I decided that even a low life no morals, weenie sucking, skanky swamp donkey whore like Shelley deserves some form of respect. 🙂

But not a day in Court with this kind of shit.

Dumbass.

Low Pay, Lousy Benefits at McDonalds Turns Woman into McSlut

You Want Me to Do What?

Just what do some Dumbasses have against McDonalds? I can’t figger it out myself. Mcd’s offers some of the best tasteless food in the world. Every once in a while I love to scarf down a Big Mac or Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Or both. My kids loves the nastiness that is a Happy Meal. They also love the lead paint covered cheap ass toys that come with the Happy meal. I don’t mean to get all mushy here, but I have been eating at McDonalds since their hamburgers cost something like 19 cents. I remember when the signs at Mickey D’s read “Over 2 Sold”! I ask these questions for a very good reasons, which I will go into in a just a minute.

Dumbass News has featured dumbass-inspired stories about McDonalds on more than one occasion. For example, here and here. It pains me to say it, but neither of these Dumbass stories has as serious implications as the one you are about to read.

McWhore

There’s a lady, and I use that term loosely, in Las Vegas who has filed a lawsuit against the fast food giant because, as she states in the suit, it is because of the minimum wage salary she was paid at McD’s that she became a prostitute! yes, fellow Dumbasses, I am sad to report that low pay and lack of a good benefits package at the Home of the Quarter Pounder, that has driven women like Shelley Lynn to become skanky sluts. Shame on you Ronald McDonald!

You see, Shelley once worked at a McDonalds owned at the time by her then-husband. As it turns out, there other would-be skanky sluts working there too. And it’s all because of the lousy pay and benefit packages at the Golden Arches. Being the visionary entrepreneur that he was, Shelley’s husband found a way to increase business at his restaurant. A good marketing campaign maybe? Kind of. He started pimping out his female employees! These women were listed on the store menu as the “Furry McTacos”. But I digress.

You wanna know why these whores felt it necessary to sell their McWares? If you guessed the lousy pay ans bennies from their employer, you would be right! These women were not making enough money to support themselves or their families, so they got a second job selling their “McHappy Meals”, if you know what I mean and I think you do. They are inspirations to young sluts everywhere. Did I mention that all this bullshit in Shelley’s lawsuit took place more than twenty years ago? Since then Shelley has been employed by brothels in the Las Vegas area screwing horny dumbasses for what I imagine would be very good money.

What?

Over twenty years ago! That must be some kind of mental duress! It’s also a Top Tier Dumbass Thing to Do. Shelley, we know that were peddling your McMuffin while you worked at McDonalds, now you sell it for thousands of times more money. Only the price has changed. You were twenty years ago and still are today, shit stain on the underwear of society. As for your now ex-husband, the best part of him ran down his mother’s leg.

Look. I know that what Shelley is doing now is perfectly legal in Nevada and I have no qualms about that. It’s the “I am still a victim” mindset that pisses me off. let me tell you, Shelley, if you were ashamed to sell your “woman hood” back then, then why continue to be a Godless Hooker all this time later? Do you have a bad coke habit? Owe the Mob money? Like to fuck a lot? Yeah, you are a “victim” OK. Stoopid cum funnel.

Once this suit goes in front of a judge, Comedy Gold should be at a Three Stooges Level of brilliance. If any of you in the Vegas area have any more on this story now or later, please email it to me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. If you do, I’ll make you the next Dumbass Emeritus, second line only to WTFWiFi founder  Alexandra Janelli, an Honor you’ll cherish for life.


Adios to Shelley

Shelley, keep on selling what you sell, because one day it will as rancid as the maggots on a five year old Big Mac. I was gonna get real graphic here but I decided that even a low life no morals, weenie sucking, skanky swamp donkey whore like Shelley deserves some form of respect. 🙂

But not a day in Court with this kind of shit.

Dumbass.

Pot From Wrecked Truck Stolen by Passersby! Munchies Ensue

Making People Hungry for 1000’s of Years

OK fellow Dumbasses, it’s time for another “Dumbass With Marijuana” story. But this story has a Dumbass twist to it. Let me splain.

This particular story takes place in California. (Surprise!) San Jose to be exact. At least one dumbass was driving a truck near a mall in San Jose when the truck overturned. Three guesses as to what was in the vehicle at the time of the accident and the first two don’t count. My first guess was furniture and stuff because they were moving from one house to another. Wrong. secondly, I was thinking that the truck driver was making a delivery of food to the poor people of San Jose, but that was incorrect as well. Then, light a bolt of lightning out of nowhere, it struck me! I bet the dumbass had a truckload of pot. Imagine my surprise that pot was the right answer! I wasn’t really surprised because after all we’re talking about California here.

The twist to this story takes place after the truck crash when witnesses to the crash started picking up large bags of marijuana and running away with them! What fun! And what dumbasses. Of course the truck was abandoned by the time the cops got there, but the cops did see some of the pot buzzards fleeing with the bags of the Herb Superb. This is not a good idea. As a matter of fact, the marijuana thieves committed at least two felonies within the matter of a few seconds – Possession of a controlled substance and eluding police. i am sure a couple more charges could be added to those, but what do I know? I am a dumbass. But I ain’t no pot thief! Besides, because of my bad back, I couldn’t lift a large bag of marijuana on my best day.

Up there ^^^ I said that it’s not a good idea to steal pot right in front of the local constabulary. Why? Because the cops have video cameras in their squad cars! Anyway, the police are on the lookout for the driver of the truck and the dumbasses that stole the contraband. My suggestion to the San Jose PD is to look in all McDonalds in the area. Anybody smoking a large bag full of marijuana is bound to be hungry. Not that I would personally know about such things. I don’t even like McDonalds. I’m just sayin’. 🙂

Dumbasses.

P.S. You can find other dumbass marijuana stories here, here, here and here.

The Touching Tale of a McDumbass

Is it just me or is McDonalds in the news an awful lot lately? Almost every day while I am searching for some Dumbass News, I come across some story about some dumbass either suing McD’s or some dumbass whose order wasn’t to their liking so they go ballistic in the restaurant itself. Today’s dumbass is a member of the latter group, someone who goes bat shit crazy because their order wasn’t made to their satisfaction.

Elaine Emter of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada is now serving 18 months probation and doing 40 hours of community service after she was found guilty of causing a disturbance and resisting arrest for an incident that took place at, you guessed it(!), McDonalds! Elaine was also found guilty of being a dumbass. After reading the article about this, I’m not so sure the employees at McDonalds shouldn’t be labeled as dumbasses too.

Here’s the deal: Elaine went through the Drive Thru at McDonalds and ordered a hot fudge sundae. After taking a look at the sundae, Elaine the Drive Thru Dumbass decided that there wasn’t enough hot fudge on it and she demanded satisfaction. The McDonalds employee at the Drive Thru demanded a receipt. Unfortunately for Elaine, she misplaced her receipt. The McD’s employee told Elaine, no receipt, no more hot fudge. Elaine was not pleased, so she got pissed off and created a scene. The cops were called and when they arrived, Elaine got in their faces and was screaming at them. Elaine, this is a bad thing to do and it removes all doubt that you are a dumbass. It’s at this point, however, that I have a problem with the faithful McDonalds employee. As long as Elaine brought back a hot fudge sundae that resembled a recently served hot fudge sundae, why not just give her another squirt or two of hot fudge to make her happy? Now we have two dumbasses in this story. Elaine and the dumb fuck McDonalds employee for being an asshole.

There is more to our little tale. According to the prosecutor in this case, “said Emter tried to drive away, but was stopped and informed she was being charged with causing a disturbance. However, the woman refused to get out of her car and one of the officers had to place her in a choke hold so she could be handcuffed. Marr said Emter then bit one of the officers and they twice used a stun gun on her head to subdue her.” Elaine, Elaine, Elaine. I was on your side up to this point, but you blew it with the choke hold thing, the biting a cop thing and the stun gun deal. Elaine, you are a major league dumbass and you’re lucky all you got was probation out of this episode. You could have ended up as a “friend” to a chick named Spike while doing time at your local provincial prison.

This whole thing makes me wonder what the hell Elaine would have done if her messed up order included a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese? Dumbass.

Another Dumbass Gets McArrested

Please forgive us, Elaine!

Is it just me or is McDonalds in the news an awful lot lately? Almost every day while I am searching for some Dumbass News, I come across some story about some dumbass either suing McD’s or some dumbass whose order wasn’t to their liking so they go ballistic in the restaurant itself. Today’s dumbass is a member of the latter group, someone who goes bat shit crazy because their order wasn’t made to their satisfaction.

Elaine Emter of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada is now serving 18 months probation and doing 40 hours of community service after she was found guilty of causing a disturbance and resisting arrest for an incident that took place at, you guessed it(!), McDonalds! Elaine was also found guilty of being a dumbass. After reading the article about this, I’m not so sure the employees at McDonalds shouldn’t be labeled as dumbasses too.

Here’s the deal: Elaine went through the Drive Thru at McDonalds and ordered a hot fudge sundae. After taking a look at the sundae, Elaine the Drive Thru Dumbass decided that there wasn’t enough hot fudge on it and she demanded satisfaction. The McDonalds employee at the Drive Thru demanded a receipt. Unfortunately for Elaine, she misplaced her receipt. The McD’s employee told Elaine, no receipt, no more hot fudge. Elaine was not pleased, so she got pissed off and created a scene. The cops were called and when they arrived, Elaine got in their faces and was screaming at them. Elaine, this is a bad thing to do and it removes all doubt that you are a dumbass. It’s at this point, however, that I have a problem with the faithful McDonalds employee. As long as Elaine brought back a hot fudge sundae that resembled a recently served hot fudge sundae, why not just give her another squirt or two of hot fudge to make her happy? Now we have two dumbasses in this story. Elaine and the dumb fuck McDonalds employee for being an asshole.

There is more to our little tale. According to the prosecutor in this case, “said Emter tried to drive away, but was stopped and informed she was being charged with causing a disturbance. However, the woman refused to get out of her car and one of the officers had to place her in a choke hold so she could be handcuffed. Marr said Emter then bit one of the officers and they twice used a stun gun on her head to subdue her.” Elaine, Elaine, Elaine. I was on your side up to this point, but you blew it with the choke hold thing, the biting a cop thing and the stun gun deal. Elaine, you are a major league dumbass and you’re lucky all you got was probation out of this episode. You could have ended up as a “friend” to a chick named Spike while doing time at your local provincial prison.

This whole thing makes me wonder what the hell Elaine would have done if her messed up order included a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese? Dumbass.