|The Spiders are Coming! Maybe.|
Down in The Big Apple (from where I sit, it’s down there) they grow some of the best dumbasses in the world. They still have a way to go before catching up with California, but there are some mighty fine dumbasses in New York City. Like this guy:
There’s an “artist” in NYC that has a weird, nay, dumbass idea for the Brooklyn Bridge. I think that “artist” in this case means “he who drinks too much Mad Dog 20/20, but I digress. Leon Reid, IV, (the artist) wants to build a 30ft by 15ft spider on the world famous bridge. Mad Dog tends to do shit like that to the mind after a while. Quick aside: who the hell names their kid “Leon” for four generations? This is further proof that not only Leon is a Mad Dog kinda guy, but his parents and those relatives all the way up to his Great Grandfather were fucking drunks. Anyway, Leon was walking across the Brooklyn Bridge with his wife, who is a boxed wine drinker, and through the powers of inebriation and Dumbassery, Leon said to himself one day, “Hey, wouldn’t a 30ft by 15ft spider look great in this bridge?!” His wife simply said, ‘Buuuuuurrrrpppppp.” Leon took that as a “yes”. “I’m trying to draw a similarity between the architecture of humankind and that of spiders,” Leon Reid IV told The New York Post. I think Leon is trying to show a connection between too much Mad Dog and the accompanying hallucinations it produces. Once again, Mrs. Leon, the boxed wine drinker said, “Buuuuuurrrrrppppp”. This time Leon took that as “I am almost out of boxed wine” from his lovely bride.
There are a couple of roadblocks on the artistic 9and drunk) highway that Leon travels. One such roadblock is, of course, money. This project will require eight hundred thousand dollars to complete. What the hell!!?? Leon plans to finance the big spider by redeeming all of his old Mad Dog 20/20 bottles. Each bottle carries a 15 cent cash deposit, further proving that Leon slams MD 20/20 like a baby drinks milk if he can round up 800 grand like that. OK, I made the old MD bottles thing up. Where do you think Leon will get the funds he needs? My guess is from the taxpayers of New York City! And the Mayor of NYC, El Bloombito, is just dumbass enough to grant Leon his wishes. Which leads us to Roadblock number 2, permissiom from the City to build the spider on the bridge. But that’s a mere formality as El Bloombito will likely give Leon the cheese anyway.
I do this post as a public service to the residents of New York City. So far, New Yorkers, we have learned that Leon is a Mad Dog Dumbass and upon imbibing an adequate amount of said vino, Leon sees weird shit and wants to build big weird shit on bridges. Leon should be institutionalized and put on some safe medication like Demerol. It can’t be nearly as powerful as the Mad Dog. While being “treated”, I also propose that the staff at the Funny Farm cut into Leon’s gazebo holder and snip that little tube that makes babies – in this case, babies named Leon V, etc., and babies prone to Mad Dog abuse. A lobotomy might not be a bad idea either. I’m just sayin’.
Leon’s wife says, “Buuuuuuurrrrrrrrppppp.”