|In Need of a Dumbass Hangover Cure|
It’s Sunday and the day after St. Patrick’s Day and I know you Dumbasses are hungover like Charlie Sheen after a night with hookers and nose candy. So, I’ll make it easy on you with another edition of Best of Dumbass News!
Before we get to the meat of the post, I would like to offer some hangover cures as used and approved by a former Professional Drinker – me. Your milage may vary.
Menudo – Menudo is a Meskin soup that uses tripe (cow guts) as it’s major component. It tastes like shit, but if you can stomach a few slurps, it’s the hangover cure for Meskins everywhere. It works. If you have a neighborhood or Mom and Pop Meskin Food place near you, you should score some menudo
Beer – The Hair of the Dog. A rodeo warm Budweiser is best.
Pot – Is there anything a good fatty won’t cure? This is, of course, illegal, so smoke at your own risk. A joint will also make menudo taste like a T-bone steak. Double Hangover Cure! Spark one up!
Lesbians Need Penises – In this masterpiece, I profile a penis museum in Iceland. I am still waiting for a call from the Pulitzer Prize Dumbasses.
Dumbass Emeritus – A lovely young lass named Alexandra is the only Dumbass Emeritus in the history of Dumbass News. The reason is simple. Alex has a website called WTF WiFi which deals with the nnicknames people assigned to the wireless networks in their homes and businesses. It’s a great site with some very funny WiFi Nics. WTF WiFi further proves that dumbasses are everywhere. Plus, Alex makes a little cheese off of such a simple but brilliant idea by following the KISS Theory – Keep It Simple Stupid. Outstanding.
Dumbass Hoarders and a Dead Granny – This is a tale fit for the whole family with a valuable lesson at the end. Be sure to have your children at your side when you read this. They’ll be amazed by this warm, yet sad story.
Well, that’s it for today, Dumbasses. It’s a beautiful day here in Northern New England, so I think I’ll spend some time with my daughters and maybe start some plants so I can have them ready to go come Memorial Day when it’s finally safe to put them outside. Until the next time we convene, do something today that will make Dumbass News headlines tomorrow. You’ll make your family proud.