Category: Mice

Nekkid Golfers, Mice-a-Roni & Dead Guy Dots The "I" at Ohio State

Mice-a-Roni

Best of Dumbass News

 
‘Tis the Sabbath and it’s gonna be a busy one here at the Dumbass Dome. Believe it or not, I am gonna do some gardening, indoors of course. For new readers, I live in Maine therefore November is not the best time to grow shit. Being the mule headed sumbitch I am, I like to try to do shit under adverse conditions just to see if I can make it work. I will make it work. Hence, gardening in November in Maine. I will prolly plant some cool weather stuff like lettuce. I would try to grow some warm weather crops, but my wife is a native Mainer and likes the house kept colder than a well digger’s ass in January. Adios good stuff like tomatoes and peppers until spring time. Asi es la vida.

Here is some stuff that doesn’t require heat, but it is loaded with fertilizer bullshit.

  • College Golf Team Poses for Nekkid CalendarThese dumbasses posed nekkid for the calendar, but they hid their gazebos with golf clubs. It’s funny stuff, so it’s worth the read just to see how many golfing metaphors I can use in lieu of cuss words.
  • Dead Guy Dots the EyeThis is a rather timely story, it being football season and all. This is the tale of a dead guy that pays his last respects to the Ohio State University by dotting the “i”. Read it to see what I mean.
  • Mice-a-Roni!Thank God this story wasn’t about Hamburger Helper. 

That’s a pretty good lineup for perusal during beer commercials for the NFL games being broadcast today, especially the “Dead Guy “I” dotter.

Here’s something that I should do every day, but I am a Dumbass and for whatever reason(s),  just forget to do it. In the side bar to the right you’ll find several buttons where you can follow me on several social media sites. Please do so! Don’t forget that I am a 55 year old guy who has 9 and 4 year old daughters who need something new, like shoes, clothes and all that shit, every 10 minutes. Well…it seems like every 10 minutes. And Christmas isn’t that far away. Having said that, also in right sidebar you’ll see a “Donate” button. I know times are tough for so many dumbasses worried about their own families, but if you can donate a dollar or two (any amount is welcome), it would make a Middle Aged Dumbass very happy and grateful. I guess I could use the direct approach to this donation thing as well.  

 
Dumbass.
Advertisements

Mice-a-Roni! The Upper Darby, PA Treat!

It’s refreshing to know that the spirit of competition is alive and well in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. Well, it’s not exactly the spirit of competition, it’s more like the spirit of sabotage. But, you can see how I could mistake one for the other. Speaking of sabotage…

This dumbass guy named Nik is a pizza joint owner and he had a great marketing idea that would crush the competition. Nik’s idea involved live mice and this other pizza restaurant down the street. You can see where I am going with this. Here’s a bit of the story from UPI, “Nik came into Verona Pizza while two officers were dining Monday and asked to use the restroom. The owner of the restaurant soon found footprints on a toilet seat and the officers looked inside the ceiling and discovered a bag containing several live mice.” the cops had enough evidence to nail Nik, so they did. one of Upper Darby’s Finest shared this with us, “We have never had anything like this, where mice have been used as an instrument of crime,” the Philadelphia Inquirer quoted the cop spokesguy as saying. “This is food terrorism by mice,” he said. What a dumbass. I don’t if I mean Nik is the dumbass or the cop spokesfuzz dude. But, I digress.

As if we didn’t have enough trouble already, now we got to worry about some guy named Adbul carrying a load of suicide mice in his back pack or briefcase. At the point I have a question. How on Earth can the bad guys get those little bitty suicide bomb belts on the mice? Could somebody help a bruthah out on this? Inquiring dumbasses want to know. Let’s see, where were we? Oh, yeah. Nik the dumbass was busted for putting a bag full of live mice in the ceiling of his pizza joint competitor down the street. One of the charges Nik faces is “This is food terrorism by mice”.
So, once again some dumbass American invents a new way to become a bigger dumbass. If it wasn’t so damn funny, it would be pitiful. But, hey, we prey on the pitiful here at Dumbass News, so the more dumbasses, the better for us. Bring us your downtrodden, your poor, your hungry, your dumbasses and we’ll be more than happy to berate and belittle them like the scuz they are. Having been downtrodden, poor, hungry and a dumbass at one point or another in my life, I have earned the right to make fun of anybody, anywhere except my Mama. So show me a list of rich ambulance-chasin’ Attorneys at Law, I’ll make fun of those bastards, too. I am an equal opportunity insulter. That’s the second time I have digressed in this one post. I gotta watch out for that. And mice. I gotta watch out for mice.

Dumbass.

Nekkididity, Dead Guy Dots the "I" and Mice-a-Roni!

Mice-a-Roni

‘Tis the Sabbath and it’s gonna be a busy one here at the Dumbass Dome. Believe it or not, I am gonna do some gardening, indoors of course. For new readers, I live in Maine therefore November is not the best time to grow shit. Being the mule headed sumbitch I am, I like to try to do shit under adverse conditions just to see if I can make it work. I will make it work. Hence, gardening in November in Maine. I will prolly plant some cool weather stuff like lettuce. I would try to grow some warm weather crops, but my wife is a native Mainer and likes the house kept colder than a well digger’s ass in January. Adios good stuff like tomatoes and peppers until spring time. Asi es la vida.

Here is some stuff that doesn’t require heat, but it is loaded with fertilizer bullshit.

  • College Golf Team Poses for Nekkid CalendarThese dumbasses posed nekkid for the calendar, but they hid their gazebos with golf clubs. It’s funny stuff, so it’s worth the read just to see how many golfing metaphors I can use in lieu of cuss words.
  • Dead Guy Dots the Eye – This is a rather timely story, it being football season and all. This is the tale of a dead guy that pays his last respects to the Ohio State University by dotting the “i”. Read it to see what I mean.
  • Mice-a-Roni! – Thank God this story wasn’t about Hamburger Helper. 

That’s a pretty good lineup for perusal during beer commercials for the NFL games being broadcast today, especially the “Dead Guy “I” dotter.

Here’s something that I should do every day, but I am a Dumbass and for whatever reason(s),  just forget to do it. In the side bar to the right you’ll find several buttons where you can follow me on several social media sites. Please do so! Don’t forget that I am a 55 year old guy who has 9 and 4 year old daughters who need something new, like shoes, clothes and all that shit, every 10 minutes. Well…it seems like every 10 minutes. And Christmas isn’t that far away. Having said that, also in right sidebar you’ll see a “Donate” button. I know times are tough for so many dumbasses worried about their own families, but if you can donate a dollar or two (any amount is welcome), it would make a Middle Aged Dumbass very happy and grateful. I guess I could use the direct approach to this donation thing as well. Hit the fucking tip jar, Dumbass!  🙂

Mice-a-Roni, The Pennsylvania Treat!

It’s refreshing to know that the spirit of competition is alive and well in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. Well, it’s not exactly the spirit of competition, it’s more like the spirit of sabotage. But, you can see how I could mistake one for the other. Speaking of sabotage…

This dumbass guy named Nik is a pizza joint owner and he had a great marketing idea that would crush the competition. Nik’s idea involved live mice and this other pizza restaurant down the street. You can see where I am going with this. Here’s a bit of the story from UPI, “Nik came into Verona Pizza while two officers were dining Monday and asked to use the restroom. The owner of the restaurant soon found footprints on a toilet seat and the officers looked inside the ceiling and discovered a bag containing several live mice.” the cops had enough evidence to nail Nik, so they did. one of Upper Darby’s Finest shared this with us, “We have never had anything like this, where mice have been used as an instrument of crime,” the Philadelphia Inquirer quoted the cop spokesguy as saying. “This is food terrorism by mice,” he said. What a dumbass. I don’t if I mean Nik is the dumbass or the cop spokesfuzz dude. But, I digress.

As if we didn’t have enough trouble already, now we got to worry about some guy named Adbul carrying a load of suicide mice in his back pack or briefcase. At the point I have a question. How on Earth can the bad guys get those little bitty suicide bomb belts on the mice? Could somebody help a bruthah out on this? Inquiring dumbasses want to know. Let’s see, where were we? Oh, yeah. Nik the dumbass was busted for putting a bag full of live mice in the ceiling of his pizza joint competitor down the street. One of the charges Nik faces is “This is food terrorism by mice”. Dumbass.

So, once again some dumbass American invents a new way to become a bigger dumbass. If it wasn’t so damn funny, it would be pitiful. But, hey, we prey on the pitiful here at Dumbass News, so the more dumbasses, the better for us. Bring us your downtrodden, your poor, your hungry, your dumbasses and we’ll be more than happy to berate and belittle them like the scuz they are. Having been downtrodden, poor, hungry and a dumbass at one point or another in my life, I have earned the right to make fun of anybody, anywhere except my Mama. So show me a list of rich ambulance-chasin’ Attorneys at Law, I’ll amke fun of those bastards, too. I am an equal opportunity insulter. That’s the second time I have digressed in this one post. I gotta watch out for that. And mice. I gotta watch out for mice. Dumbass.

Hello, Dumbass Pizza? I’d like a Large Pepperoni and Mouse Pizza Delivered

Terrorist?

It’s refreshing to know that the spirit of competition is alive and well in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. Well, it’s not exactly the spirit of competition, it’s more like the spirit of sabotage. But, you can see how I could mistake one for the other. Speaking of sabotage…

This dumbass guy named Nik is a pizza joint owner and he had a great marketing idea that would crush the competition. Nik’s idea involved live mice and this other pizza restaurant down the street. You can see where I am going with this. Here’s a bit of the story from UPI, “Nik came into Verona Pizza while two officers were dining Monday and asked to use the restroom. The owner of the restaurant soon found footprints on a toilet seat and the officers looked inside the ceiling and discovered a bag containing several live mice.” the cops had enough evidence to nail Nik, so they did. one of Upper Darby’s Finest shared this with us, “We have never had anything like this, where mice have been used as an instrument of crime,” the Philadelphia Inquirer quoted the cop spokesguy as saying. “This is food terrorism by mice,” he said. What a dumbass. I don’t if I mean Nik is the dumbass or the cop spokesfuzz dude. But, I digress.

As if we didn’t have enough trouble already, now we got to worry about some guy named Adbul carrying a load of suicide mice in his back pack or briefcase. At the point I have a question. How on Earth can the bad guys get those little bitty suicide bomb belts on the mice? Could somebody help a bruthah out on this? Inquiring dumbasses want to know. Let’s see, where were we? Oh, yeah. Nik the dumbass was busted for putting a bag full of live mice in the ceiling of his pizza joint competitor down the street. One of the charges Nik faces is “This is food terrorism by mice”. Dumbass.

So, once again some dumbass American invents a new way to become a bigger dumbass. If it wasn’t so damn funny, it would be pitiful. But, hey, we prey on the pitiful here at Dumbass News, so the more dumbasses, the better for us. Bring us your downtrodden, your poor, your hungry, your dumbasses and we’ll be more than happy to berate and belittle them like the scuz they are. Having been downtrodden, poor, hungry and a dumbass at one point or another in my life, I have earned the right to make fun of anybody, anywhere except my Mama. So show me a list of rich ambulance-chasin’ Attorneys at Law, I’ll amke fun of those bastards, too. I am an equal opportunity insulter. That’s the second time I have digressed in this one post. I gotta watch out for that. And mice. I gotta watch out for mice. Dumbass.