Category: Mickey Mantle

Moonshine, Bigfoot, $25 Million and Hissing Cockroaches

Dumbass Colonoscopy

The World Serious is over and the St. Louis Cardinals are the World Champions for 2011. Congrats to the Cards and their fans. You guys had a magical season in 2011, especially from late August on. What your team accomplished is something extraordinary and you should cherish every single inning of it. St. Louis is a great baseball town and the fans are some of the most knowledgeable in the Majors. Keep in mind that Spring Training is just three and a half months away and every team in the National League will be gunning for the Champs in 2012. Go forth and celebrate your 11th World Serious title, because next year the Texas Rangers will be back and better than ever!

Other than being disappointed about the outcome of the Series, it was a great week here at Dumbass News. For those of you dumbasses that missed out on some of my brilliant writing and unmatched commentary, today is your chance to catch up with the latest in the World of Dumbassery. For example…

  • Moonshine and Bigfoot – If the urge to go out into the wilderness and become the first to document the existence of Bigfoot, hooch is a necessary scientific research tool. If you are unable to find Bigfoot, you’ll certainly find Big Hangover. 
  • It’s Raining Money in Oklahoma I goof on Okies on a regular basis, but I mean it in a loving way. The people of Oklahoma are some of the finest people you’ll ever meet – Salt of the Earth kinda folks. Hell, Oklahoma has given us Mickey Mantle, Troy Aikman, Garth Brooks and my favorite Redhead, Reba McEntire. Who could hate a place that has produced that group? Not me. BTW, the only reason Texas doesn’t drift off into the Gulf of Mexico is because Oklahoma sucks. 🙂
  • Eating BBQ Flavored Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches! – As a former Broadcast Professional (Radio and TV), I can tell you first hand that people will do some seriously stoopid shit in order to win a prize. The bigger the prize, the stoopider the shit they will do. Don’t believe me? Read this post and you’ll want to projectile vomit immediately tune in to your favorite radio station and see what kind of stoopid shit you yourself will do for a fabulous prize!
  • The $25 Million Dollar Dumbass Mistake – Here are some clues: 1.) Ay-rab. 2) 7-11.3.) Dumbass and 4.) Lotto. Go see what I mean. 

That’s the Dumbass News Week in Review for the last full week of October. I must now hunker down as we have a Winter Storm on the way that could dump as much as a foot of snow on Augusta (where I live) and the rest of South Central Maine. The average first day of measurable snowfall for us is November 17, so we are definitely ahead of schedule this year. It’s gonna be a long, cold, snowy winter in New England. Why did I ever leave Texas? Because I am a…

Dumbass.

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