Category: Midget

Coming to An Olympic Games Near You: Midget Throwing!

On Your Mark, Get Set….

One of my favorite things about blogging is that I get to tweak Liberals and do-gooders like Rush Limbaugh tweaks Democrats. You see, leftists have no sense of humor and think that they know what’s better for you than you do for yourself, high and mighty sanctimonious dickweeds that they are. And The Lord’s Day is as good a time as any to pester the bejeebers outta them. They are already in a snit because so many of you are going to Church today. Liberals hate Church, so their panties are already in major knot. So, let’s ramp it up a notch and get them fuming about something else while we’re at it. 

Enter dwarf tossing!

It’s times like these that make me proud to be an American. Last night we had a Republican Presidential Candidate debate in my next door neighbor, New Hampshire. Democracy in action, with each candidate sharing his views on various matters to the citizens of this great land. Just like the Founding Fathers envisioned. One of the major objectives of the Founders was that government remain limited in its role in the American peoples’ lives. I am for that. The government should be really good at three things…Guarding our borders against all enemies, killing bad guys swiftly and efficiently while turning the hell holes they live in into nice parking lots and leaving me the hell alone! And believe it or not a State rep in Florida gets the idea of small government! Let me splain.

Representative Ritch Workman of Melbourne has introduced a bill to the state legislature that repeals a twenty-two year old ban on dwarf tossing! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! we used to do something similar when I was a younger man back home in Texas. We’d throw horse shoes – with the horse still in them! It was a tough go but we managed until we got too drunk and/or stoned at which time we’d throw women. The women loved it! The chicks were drunk an/or stoned also, so it was in the name of fun and togetherness. Besides, the women folk knew if they played that they would “get some” later. OK, I made that stuff up, except for the drunk and/or stoned part.

Back to the midgets. Rep. Workman does not endorse nor condone tossing Little People, but he says that it is every American Midget’s God-given right to be passed around like a good one-hitter amid a sea of drunk dumbasses if he or she chooses to do so. I agree. This is America dammit and each and every one of her 310,000,000 residents has the Constitutional Right to be the best and brightest at his/her chosen field of endeavor. That same right applies to dumbasses too! Stoopid people, homeless people and midgets are guaranteed by the United States Constitution to be the biggest and best dumbass he or she can possibly be! Can I get an amen from the Readership?

Needless to say that the Little People of America is not exactly enthused by this situation. The Head Midget says that dwarfs who worked at being tossed about were alcoholics and had bad self-esteem. No shit, dumbass! Still, cry me a fucking river. Or since you are a Little Person Dumbass, cry me a creek, asswipe. Look, I don’t give a shit about Dwarf Tossing. If a Little Man wants to do that stoopid and demeaning shit, more power to him. It’s NOT about the dehumanizing of midgets being thrown around like rags dolls, it’s about The Right to Be Stoopid as put forth and guaran-fucking-teed by the document that is the very foundation of this country! So relax and puff on a fattie, Little People. “Normal” sized folks do stoopid shit that dwarf (pun intended) Dwarf Tossing all the time. Hideous, vile, destructive, thoughtless things. Like vote for Democrats.

Dumbasses.

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More Midget Mania! Motel 6 and the Midget

We’ll Leave a Midget in Your Closet for You

I have lots of stuff to do today, including a Doctor’s visit for me and my oldest daughter. I won’t have time this morning to write a new post, so I’ll leave you with more Midget Fu. I wrote this one a while back and it has got to be one of our Top 5 Most Popular Posts. It won’t take long to read. After all, it’s a short story. 🙂

Nobody is immune to doing something stupid once in a while. Not me, you or anybody we know. Some people, however, do stupid shit on a regular basis because they are stupid and they know nothing else but being stupid. In such cases, the person is a dumbass.

When I do a Dumbass News story, I try to take into account various aspects of the story and whether or not it is Dumbass News worthy. I consider whether or not the incident in the story is just plain old bad luck or being at the right place at the wrong time. Bad luck and bad timing do not a dumbass make….most of the time.

The dumbass in this story was definitely at the  right place at the wrong time, which would normally not be sufficient evidence to declare him a dumbass. But, the dude took right place, wrong time to a previously unheard of level. And by that, I mean he got into a hole and kept digging, with one foot on a banana peel and his head up his ass.

The dumbass in question was staying in a Motel 6 in Spartanburg, South Carolina when the phone in his room rang. An unknown male was the caller and he promptly told the dumbass that there were hidden cameras in the motel room and he was to destroy the television and mirrors in the room so he could disable the “hidden cameras”. Our dumbass dutifully did as he was told by a total stranger on the phone! This is only half the dumbassery, there was more to unfold. Next, the caller instructed the dumbass to break into the room next door and FREE A TRAPPED MIDGET! Surely, our hero would realize that at this point, he was being pranked. But no! With the aid of aid of a wrench, the dumbass broke through the wall leading to the room next door. That’s when the cops showed up. The ending of this story is different than what you might expect.

Despite having done a few thousand dollars worth of damage to his motel room, the dumbass was not charged with any crimes, he was simply asked to leave the Motel 6 and they will not leave the light on for him.

Dumbass.

Dwarf Tossing – The Constitutional Right to Be a Dumbass!

A Dwarf and His Horses

It’s times like these that make me proud to be an American. Last night we had a Republican Presidential Candidate debate in my next door neighbor, New Hampshire. Democracy in action, with each candidate sharing his views on various matters to the citizens of this great land. Just like the Founding Fathers envisioned. One of the major objectives of the Founders was that government remain limited in its role in the American peoples’ lives. I am for that. The government should be really good at three things…Guarding our borders against all enemies, killing bad guys swiftly and efficiently while turning the hell holes they live in into nice parking lots and leaving me the hell alone! And believe it or not a State rep in Florida gets the idea of small government! Let me splain.

Representative Ritch Workman of Melbourne has introduced a bill to the state legislature that repeals a twenty-two year old ban on dwarf tossing! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! we used to do something similar when I was a younger man back home in Texas. We’d throw horse shoes – with the horse still in them! It was a tough go but we managed until we got too drunk and/or stoned at which time we’d throw women. The women loved it! The chicks were drunk an/or stoned also, so it was in the name of fun and togetherness. Besides, the women folk knew if they played that they would “get some” later. OK, I made that stuff up, except for the drunk and/or stoned part.

Back to the midgets. Rep. Workman does not endorse nor condone tossing Little People, but he says that it is every American Midget’s God-given right to be passed around like a good one-hitter amid a sea of drunk dumbasses if he or she chooses to do so. I agree. This is America dammit and each and every one of her 310,000,000 residents has the Constitutional Right to be the best and brightest at his/her chosen field of endeavor. That same right applies to dumbasses too! Stoopid people, homeless people and midgets are guaranteed by the United States Constitution to be the biggest and best dumbass he or she can possibly be! Can I get an amen from the Readership?

Needless to say that the Little People of America is not exactly enthused by this situation. The Head Midget says that dwarfs who worked at being tossed about were alcoholics and had bad self-esteem. No shit, dumbass! Still, cry me a fucking river. Or since you are a Little Person Dumbass, cry me a creek, asswipe. Look, I don’t give a shit about Dwarf Tossing. If a Little Man wants to do that stoopid and demeaning shit, more power to him. It’s NOT about the dehumanizing of midgets being thrown around like rags dolls, it’s about The Right to Be Stoopid as put forth and guaran-fucking-teed by the document that is the very foundation of this country! So relax and puff on a fattie, Little People. “Normal” sized folks do stoopid shit that dwarf (pun intended) Dwarf Tossing all the time. Hideous, vile, destructive, thoughtless things. Like vote for Democrats.

Dumbasses.

Motel 6 and the Midget

Light Not Left On

Nobody is immune to doing something stupid once in a while. Not me, you or anybody we know. Some people, however, do stupid shit on a regular basis because they are stupid and they know nothing else but being stupid. In such cases, the person is a dumbass.

When I do a Dumbass News story, I try to take into account various aspects of the story and whether or not it is Dumbass News worthy. I consider whether or not the incident in the story is just plain old bad luck or being at the right place at the wrong time. Bad luck and bad timing do not a dumbass make….most of the time.

The dumbass in this story was definitely at the  right place at the wrong time, which would normally not be sufficient evidence to declare him a dumbass. But, the dude took right place, wrong time to a previously unheard of level. And by that, I mean he got into a hole and kept digging, with one foot on a banana peel and his head up his ass.

The dumbass in question was staying in a Motel 6 in Spartanburg, South Carolina when the phone in his room rang. An unknown male was the caller and he promptly told the dumbass that there were hidden cameras in the motel room and he was to destroy the television and mirrors in the room so he could disable the “hidden cameras”. Our dumbass dutifully did as he was told by a total stranger on the phone! This is only half the dumbassery, there was more to unfold. Next, the caller instructed the dumbass to break into the room next door and FREE A TRAPPED MIDGET! Surely, our hero would realize that at this point, he was being pranked. But no! With the aid of aid of a wrench, the dumbass broke through the wall leading to the room next door. That’s when the cops showed up. The ending of this story is different than what you might expect.

Despite having done a few thousand dollars worth of damage to his motel room, the dumbass was not charged with any crimes, he was simply asked to leave the Motel 6 and they will not leave the light on for him.

Dumbass.

Light Turned Off for Dumbass at Motel 6

Lights Out

Nobody is immune to doing something stupid once in a while. Not me, you or anybody we know. Some people, however, do stupid shit on a regular basis because they are stupid and they know nothing else but being stupid. In such cases, the person is a dumbass.

When I do a Dumbass News story, I try to take into account various aspects of the story and whether or not it is Dumbass News worthy. I consider whether or not the incident in the story is just plain old bad luck or being at the right place at the wrong time. Bad luck and bad timing do not a dumbass make….most of the time.

The dumbass in this story was definitely at the  right place at the wrong time, which would normally not be sufficient evidence to declare him a dumbass. But, the dude took right place, wrong time to a previously unheard of level. And by that, I mean he got into a hole and kept digging, with one foot on a banana peel and his head up his ass.

The dumbass in question was staying in a Motel 6 in Spartanburg, South Carolina when the phone in his room rang. An unknown male was the caller and he promptly told the dumbass that there were hidden cameras in the motel room and he was to destroy the television and mirrors in the room so he could disable the “hidden cameras”. Our dumbass dutifully did as he was told by a total stranger on the phone! This is only half the dumbassery, there was more to unfold. Next, the caller instructed the dumbass to break into the room next door and FREE A TRAPPED MIDGET! Surely, our hero would realize that at this point, he was being pranked. But no! With the aid of aid of a wrench, the dumbass broke through the wall leading to the room next door. That’s when the cops showed up. The ending of this story is different than what you might expect.

Despite having done a few thousand dollars worth of damage to his motel room, the dumbass was not charged with any crimes, he was simply asked to leave the Motel 6 and they will not leave the light on for him.