Category: Midgets

Drunk Guy Goes on Midget Tossing Rampage!

Physically speaking, I am a small man.Some dumbasses would say the same about my mental capabilities and character too. The ones who carry these ludicrous thoughts around with themselves are either 1) Liberals or 2) Those who wish to dethrone me as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. Let me tell you sons of motherless goats in Group 2 that it ain’t gonna happen. As far as Liberals go, I ain’t skeered of a bunch of pussies who want to turn the USA into Fwance. What a perfect match. The Fwench wouldn’t fight to save their own mothers and Liberals won’t work to save their own mothers. I told you the Libs were pussies, and we already knew as much a bout the people of the Flag of Surrender. Knowing that, I’m pretty sure that my reign as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde is safe. But I digress….

No Fearless Leader Tossing

As I said up there^^^^^, physically I am not what you’d call a candidate to play Middle Linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. I am about a foot too short and at least a hundred pounds too light. As unimposing as I am, there are smaller men in the world than me who are imposing only in the movies and the WWE. Where I come from we call them “midgets”. They prefer to be called “Little People”. Forget that noise. My two youngest children (ages 4 & 9) are “little people”. A fully grown human bean that got the raw end of the “Verticality Stick” is a friggin’ midget! End.Of.Story. Besides, nobody in his right Dumbass Mind would dare to try to do some Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde tossing. Midgets on the other hand are thrown around, willingly in the great majority of cases, like a drunk hooker at a bachelor party. I’m just sayin’.

Drunk Guy Shot Puts Midget, Much to Midget’s Dismay

The Telegraph reports that “A dwarf claims he was partially paralyzed on his birthday when a stranger lifted and heaved him onto the hard ground outside an English pub.” Did I mention that there was a dwarf tossing event at the pub in question when this incident occurred? It’s not stated in the Telegraph article whether the midget victim, Martin Henderson, was participant in the “Mad Midget Weekender” as the show was called, nonetheless Martin was tossed like a salad at a Weight Watchers meeting. The tosser was a drunk bloke who Martin claims was encouraged by a drunk rugby team into giving Martin the Midget the ol’ heave ho. While I certainly sympathize with Martin regarding his injuries, that’s where my concerns for Martin come to an abrupt halt.

Martin Is a Dumbass

While no midget deserves to be blindsided and flung around for the sheer enjoyment of some inebriated asshole…oh, wait! That’s what dwarf tossing is all about! Watching teensy weensy full grown men getting pitched all over the pub to the bemusement of the likkered up assholes in said pub. What the hell was to be expected of a shit load of Brits drinking warm beer, for God’s sake? These are the same people who drink hot tea also! Haven’t these dumbasses ever heard of ice? No wonder the UK is going to Hell in a hand basket. Warm beer indeed.

Let me go through this ordeal step by step: 1) There is a “Mad Midget Weekender” 2) At a British pub 3) That serves warm beer 4) With a lorry load (<——a little Brit lingo there) of drunk dumbasses in attendance. I can’t see any potential problems with that set of circumstances, could you? Evidently Martin the Teensy Weensy Full Grown Man didn’t and look what happened to him.

Giving the Runt Credit

I won’t list them, but suffice it to say that Martin suffered some pretty serious injuries as a result of being unexpectedly dwarf tossed by some plowed dickweed and still has significant health issues from his experience. But is that what has Martin so pissed off about this ordeal? Not from what I can tell.

The reason that the Midget in Question is perturbed is because the impairments from which he suffers have ” derailed what he described as a promising acting career” Acting career? In what, short subjects? A mini series? After reading that, I am of the opinion that martin himself was a few pints along the Drunk Highway on the night in question. Again, I digress…..

The credit Martin is due is because all he wants out this horrible happening is an apology from the rugby that supposedly egged on the Surprise Dwarf Slammer into his commode-huggin’ drunk actions. After all, this could have rather easily a long drawn out court battle taking God knows how long to determine the outcome of.

Way to go, Martin Old Bean! Your sense of Justice is to be admired. However, your sense of the common leaves a lot to be desired. Wrong place, wrong time and all that sort of rot. (<—–more Brit lingo there). Have a nice rodeo warm beer on me, mate. But seriously get the pub owners to fucking ice down some of the ole Amber Current, will ya?

And a pip, pip cheery oh to you.

Dumbass.

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Midget Bullfighting and Negroes For Supper

Toro! ***

Oh boy! One of my favorite, and one of the most popular, subjects on this blog is midgets. I have absolutely nothing at all against midgets. Hell, I am only 5’4″ myself. That ain’t exactly Andre the Giant territory. It’s just that so many people, many of them midgets themselves, get so fucking bent when a midget goes against what they (the bent people) think is “proper” behavior for a “little person”. A shitload of midgets get pissed off as well.

A Little Bull 

The latest thing to put a knot in the panties of a bunch of sissy do-gooders is Midget Bullfighting. You got it. Little People doing the cucaracha with bulls. Baby bulls of course. And this pisses off so many pussies why? Why is it that midgets have to all be exactly the same following the same rules or living the same lifestyle? I don’t get it. The Little People doing the bullfighting surely know what they are getting into. Or are they, as the Pissed Off Pussies seem to insinuate, too stoopid to make their own decisions? I go with the Bullfighting Midgets on this one. They are playing the hand that they’ve been dealt and making some cheese (that’s money for those of you in New Jersey) also. Do these same protesters think less of Meskins or Spaniards for bullfighting? Or are they expected to bend tacos and make sangria simply because of some pre-conceived idea of what Meskins and Spaniards are “expected” to do? I can’t remember his name, but did you know that the richest man in the world is a Meskin? I guess he bent a shit load of tacos to get there. Oh, did I mention that dwarf bullfighting is very popular in Mexico? I wonder if the Rich Meskin Guy has a stake in it?

Hypocrites 

This is what all these Liberals and Pissed Off Pussies do. They complain and bitch and moan that white guys, particularly Southern White Guys, placed people in categories because of their skin color, ethnicity or some other stoopid shit. Some do. But the vast majority of these rednecks would be happy to have a midget over for dinner. Why hell, they’d even let the midget sit at the grown up table. You’d be surprised to learn that 99% of these same “bigots” would actually have supper with Negroes! Yes, Negroes! Of course the Negroes would have to sit at the back of the dining room, but at least they eat fairly close to the Southern White Guys. What more do you expect from raaaaacists and bigots? BTW, raaaaacist always has five “a”s in it.

My point is that while all the Pissed Off Pussies and Liberals, but I repeat myself, are supposedly the people who think that all men are equal, but they are the ones constantly grouping people by race, religion, midgetry, etc. I say fuck the Pissed Off Pussies and their ilk. They are a bunch of hypocritical assholes who need to get laid. Or summarily shot at sun up. I am only kidding. They don’t need to get laid. They might reproduce and we can’t have that. Just shoot ’em.

Or make ’em have a Negro over for supper. NO! Not as the main course! As a guest, dickweed!

The Pissed Off Pussies and other Liberal Asswipes should be looking up to midget bullfighters. But then they’d (the POP) would have to be bigger men to do it. And the only bull they know is the bullshit they are so full of.

Dumbasses.

Hat tip to The Dumbass Wife

***Photo from Getty via HuffPo***

Dwarf Ambushed & Tossed by Drunk Brit!

Physically speaking, I am a small man.Some dumbasses would say the same about my mental capabilities and character too. The ones who carry these ludicrous thoughts around with themselves are either 1) Liberals or 2) Those who wish to dethrone me as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde. Let me tell you sons of motherless goats in Group 2 that it ain’t gonna happen. As far as Liberals go, I ain’t skeered of a bunch of pussies who want to turn the USA into Fwance. What a perfect match. The Fwench wouldn’t fight to save their own mothers and Liberals won’t work to save their own mothers. I told you the Libs were pussies, and we already knew as much a bout the people of the Flag of Surrender. Knowing that, I’m pretty sure that my reign as The Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde is safe. But I digress….

No Fearless Leader Tossing

As I said up there^^^^^, physically I am not what you’d call a candidate to play Middle Linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. I am about a foot too short and at least a hundred pounds too light. As unimposing as I am, there are smaller men in the world than me who are imposing only in the movies and the WWE. Where I come from we call them “midgets”. They prefer to be called “Little People”. Forget that noise. My two youngest children (ages 4 & 9) are “little people”. A fully grown human bean that got the raw end of the “Verticality Stick” is a friggin’ midget! End.Of.Story. Besides, nobody in his right Dumbass Mind would dare to try to do some Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde tossing. Midgets on the other hand are thrown around, willingly in the great majority of cases, like a drunk hooker at a bachelor party. I’m just sayin’.

Drunk Guy Shot Puts Midget, Much to Midget’s Dismay

The Telegraph reports that “A dwarf claims he was partially paralyzed on his birthday when a stranger lifted and heaved him onto the hard ground outside an English pub.” Did I mention that there was a dwarf tossing event at the pub in question when this incident occurred? It’s not stated in the Telegraph article whether the midget victim, Martin Henderson, was participant in the “Mad Midget Weekender” as the show was called, nonetheless Martin was tossed like a salad at a Weight Watchers meeting. The tosser was a drunk bloke who Martin claims was encouraged by a drunk rugby team into giving Martin the Midget the ol’ heave ho. While I certainly sympathize with Martin regarding his injuries, that’s where my concerns for Martin come to an abrupt halt.

Martin Is a Dumbass

While no midget deserves to be blindsided and flung around for the sheer enjoyment of some inebriated asshole…oh, wait! That’s what dwarf tossing is all about! Watching teensy weensy full grown men getting pitched all over the pub to the bemusement of the likkered up assholes in said pub. What the hell was to be expected of a shit load of Brits drinking warm beer, for God’s sake? These are the same people who drink hot tea also! Haven’t these dumbasses ever heard of ice? No wonder the UK is going to Hell in a hand basket. Warm beer indeed.

Let me go through this ordeal step by step: 1) There is a “Mad Midget Weekender” 2) At a British pub 3) That serves warm beer 4) With a lorry load (<——a little Brit lingo there) of drunk dumbasses in attendance. I can’t see any potential problems with that set of circumstances, could you? Evidently Martin the Teensy Weensy Full Grown Man didn’t and look what happened to him.

Giving the Runt Credit

I won’t list them, but suffice it to say that Martin suffered some pretty serious injuries as a result of being unexpectedly dwarf tossed by some plowed dickweed and still has significant health issues from his experience. But is that what has Martin so pissed off about this ordeal? Not from what I can tell.

The reason that the Midget in Question is perturbed is because the impairments from which he suffers have ” derailed what he described as a promising acting career” Acting career? In what, short subjects? A mini series? After reading that, I am of the opinion that martin himself was a few pints along the Drunk Highway on the night in question. Again, I digress…..

The credit Martin is due is because all he wants out this horrible happening is an apology from the rugby that supposedly egged on the Surprise Dwarf Slammer into his commode-huggin’ drunk actions. After all, this could have rather easily a long drawn out court battle taking God knows how long to determine the outcome of.

Way to go, Martin Old Bean! Your sense of Justice is to be admired. However, your sense of the common leaves a lot to be desired. Wrong place, wrong time and all that sort of rot. (<—–more Brit lingo there). Have a nice rodeo warm beer on me, mate. But seriously get the pub owners to fucking ice down some of the ole Amber Current, will ya?

And a pip, pip cheery oh to you.

Dumbass.

Dumbass of the Year Nominee – Dwarf Tossers!

Potential Tossees

There are many things that make this country the unique place that it is. The Declaration of Independence, The Constitution, the Federalist Papers and so on and so forth. But enough he secondary things that separate us from the rest of the world. 

All American

Let’s get to the red meat. Real American things. Merle Haggard. Shakespeare with a guitar. The guy is brilliant. NASCAR. Turn left a lot, go faster than the other guy and try not to wreck when you’re 6 inches off another car’s rear bumper going 200 mph. These men are frakkin’ incredible.  And certainly last but not least by any means, dwarf tossing! There is nothing more American than picking up a small person and hurling them through the at incredible speeds. OK, I made up the part about incredible speeds. That requires rockets and most Dwarf Tossers do not own or have access to rockets. Unless they are terrorists. But terrorists only toss teensy weensy camels, so screw ’em all. Pussies. 

As I note in the post you will read in a moment,  dwarf tossing is a God-given right as noted in the Constitution of the United States. Or Dwarf Tossing Weekly, I forget. Anyway, dwarf tossing is an activity the whole family can enjoy together, especially the runts in your family. Dwarf tossing gives them hope for a bright future, a chance to put their natural abilities to work for them. <sniffle> I love this country.

“You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Nominee

Above, I gave you some facts about dwarf tossing. Not only is it the future of America, it is a sport that has made headlines even in the Dumbass World. Read this post to find out more about our second nominee for the coveted Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award. It is sure to make you proud to be an American. I know it did me.