Category: Missouri

Dumbass Lady Has a Hair Brained Hobby, Collects Celebs’ Locks

To borrow a phrase from Jim Morrison, people are strange. And strange people do strange things, like collectfingernails, for example. I’m not making that up. I can tell you I wish I was making up the story you are about to read, alas, I am not.

Independence, Missouri is well-known as the home of President Harry S. Truman, right? Now there’s a lady in Independence that is out to steal a little of Give ’em hell Harry’s thunder. You wonder, how could a regular lady horn in on the spotlight of a former President of the United States? The answer is easy. The lady is a dumbass and dumbasses get publicity like Michael Moore swallows cheeseburgers.

The dumbass in question is Leila Cohoon whose hobby is collecting hair. Yep. Hair. Not just any ordinary hair, but hair from famous people. Oddly enough, Leila is a former hairdresser. Go figure. Leila’s collection of famous hair includes locks from George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Marilyn Monroe and Elvis. It gets weirder. Leila also has a nice selection of jewelry and wreaths made from human hair. This woman needs help. Right now. I offer further proof that Leila is a dumbass. She said this, on TV no less(!), “I love every piece I get,” she said. “I sit down and study them with a magnifying glass.” She forgot to mention that she also has a bottle of Jack Daniels handy while studying the hair of famous people. OK, I made the Jack Daniels part up. Ladies, can you imagine that you see one of your friends whom you haven’t seen in a while and she says, “Hi, Susie! Want to see my hair earrings? And I have this hair wreath on my front door that is to die for?” After the nausea subsides, wouldn’t you haul ass in the opposite direction? Then have a shot or six of some J D? Hell, I’ve finished off half a gallon just writing this stuff! OK, I made that part up, too. But it sounds like a great idea! And I don’t even drink! I may start again though, after writing about Leila the hair-collecting dumbass.

Just thought I’d throw this story out there and see what kind of reaction it got. I know that you are dieing to make comments with dumbass hair-collecting puns in them, so feel free to do so. I look forward to them. Any hair-collection comments that have dandruff will be deleted. hahahahahahahaha

Leila may be a nice grandmotherly lady but she’s gotta cut it out with the hair. hahahahahahaha again. Dumbass.

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Dumbass Tries to Shoot Cat; Shoots Self Instead

Duh?

We have had some really good stories here on Dumbass News, and today is no exception. Some dumbass in Hillsboro, Missouri, called police and told them that he was the victim of a roadside robbery and was shot by the bad guys.The dumbass said that he stopped on the side of the highway to help out a guy who needed some help.
The cops called in a team of canines and a police helicopter to aid in the search for the bad guy who supposedly shot the dumbass in question. However, there is more to this story than meets the eye. On the surface this looks like a fairly routine crime. Problem is that it’s a bald face lie! As it turns out, the dumbass shot himself while  taking a potshot at a feral cat that was in his yard.

I think I am safe in assuming that the local constabulary was not pleased at having to call in the chopper and the police dogs, at taxpayers’ expense , by the way. Just to show how unamused the police were, after being treated for his wounds, the dumbass was arrested and charge “suspicion of filing a false report”.

You know, I write about stuff like this every day and it never ceases to amaze me how stoopid some people are. Like the dumbass in this post. He’s a fucking idiot. Didn’t the thougth of maybe he’d need a pesky little thing called “evidence” to corraberate his version of events? And how could this dumbass not think about the police doing, you know, an investigation into his claims? Astounding, isn’t it?

I do try to find a silver lining in these dumbass stories and this little tale is  no different. Maybe our dumbass should go around Hillsboro wandering through peoples’ yards late at night. Maybe one of those folks willtake a shot at a feral dumbass in their front yard. One can only hope. Dumbass.

Hair Today, Dumbass Tomorrow

Leila’s mattress stuffing

To borrow a phrase from Jim Morrison, people are strange. And strange people do strange things, like collectfingernails, for example. I’m not making that up. I can tell you I wish I was making up the story you are about to read, alas, I am not.

Independence, Missouri is well-known as the home of President Harry S. Truman, right? Now there’s a lady in Independence that is out to steal a little of Give ’em hell Harry’s thunder. You wonder, how could a regular lady horn in on the spotlight of a former President of the United States? The answer is easy. The lady is a dumbass and dumbasses get publicity like Michael Moore swallows cheeseburgers.

The dumbass in question is Leila Cohoon whose hobby is collecting hair. Yep. Hair. Not just any ordinary hair, but hair from famous people. Oddly enough, Leila is a former hairdresser. Go figure. Leila’s collection of famous hair includes locks from George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Marilyn Monroe and Elvis. It gets weirder. Leila also has a nice selection of jewelry and wreaths made from human hair. This woman needs help. Right now. I offer further proof that Leila is a dumbass. She said this, on TV no less(!), “I love every piece I get,” she said. “I sit down and study them with a magnifying glass.” She forgot to mention that she also has a bottle of Jack Daniels handy while studying the hair of famous people. OK, I made the Jack Daniels part up. Ladies, can you imagine that you see one of your friends whom you haven’t seen in a while and she says, “Hi, Susie! Want to see my hair earrings? And I have this hair wreath on my front door that is to die for?” After the nausea subsides, wouldn’t you haul ass in the opposite direction? Then have a shot or six of some J D? Hell, I’ve finished off half a gallon just writing this stuff! OK, I made that part up, too. But it sounds like a great idea! And I don’t even drink! I may start again though, after writing about Leila the hair-collecting dumbass.

Just thought I’d throw this story out there and see what kind of reaction it got. I know that you are dieing to make comments with dumbass hair-collecting puns in them, so feel free to do so. I look forward to them. Any hair-collection comments that have dandruff will be deleted. hahahahahahahaha

Leila may be a nice grandmotherly lady but she’s gotta cut it out with the hair. hahahahahahaha again. Dumbass.