Category: Moonbats

A Dumbass Sign of Dumbass Times

Long time readers of Dumbass News know exactly how I feel about Cal-ee-forn-ya. Beautiful place run by dumbass moonbats. Now before I go any further, I want to say upfront that I am not familiar at all with ordinances concerning signage in any given location. What I am about to write is what I think should be the deal regarding billboards, business signs and electronic sign displays where ever there are such signs. When it comes to business signs, with very few exceptions, and using common sense, which is a rare commodity for state or local politicos anywhere, Gubmint should stay the hell out of a business’ business. In other words, screw the local laws about this kind of thing, I am about to tell you the way things ought to be concerning signs in any city in the USA, say like Irvine, Cal-ee-forn-ya for example.

Fitness Club Poster. Offensive?***

Why Irvine?

I chose Irvine over other cities from around the country for a few reasons. First, it’s in Cal-ee-forn-ya. Second, Cal-ee-forn-ya is the Fwance of the United States. And I don’t mean that as a compliment. Third, I like tweaking the Fwench and Cal-ee-forn-yuns. Two birds. One stone. OK. OK. OK. Let me jump in right  here to say that not all Fwench people and residents of the Golden State are gazebo-less pussies, but the great majority of them are. However, both places have a goodly population of Dumbasses like you and me, but sadly not enough of them to make a helluva lot of difference. Therefore, this post is aimed squarely at the more, shall we say “progressive” citizens of the two locales. No, we shall not say “progressive”, we shall say rainbow-flag-waving-kill-the-unborn-I-can-run-your-life-better-than-you-can-tax-the-rich-even-though-a-poor-guy-never-created-a-job-Liberals who have the majority in Cal-ee-forn-ya and Fwance.

A Sign of the Times

This post is built around what an obvious pencil penis Cal-ee-forn-yun, but I repeat myself, has to say about a sign at an Irvine fitness center. Let me splain.

Pencil Penis is a member of a health club in I-town that was recently bought out by another company. When the new people took over the spa, they put up some new signs around the place that portrayed the image the company wants to be known for. The new owners want to project an image of healthy being sexy so they put up some signs that featured some “healthy” young ladies. These posters upset good ole Pencil Penis. He says that the displays “objectify” women. What. The. Hell? We are talking bout a fitness joint aren’t we? Does PP expect the club to have posters of large women (or men) plastered all over the place? Nothing says “health club” like a poster of a woman who screams “triple baconator”! I could understand if the club put up before and after signs of some of its clients, but that requires that one half of the signage on display be of the “healthy” young lady (or man) variety. But slappin’ a shit load of fat folks on the walls of the fitness center wouldn’t exactly fill me with confidence that this business could help me get into a healthy lifestyle. If only the ‘”fat” signs were up, I’d immediately think that the new owners have a major stake in the Burger King across the street. But that’s just me.

Gubmint to the Rescue!

Pencil Penis and some other patrons of the club complained to the City of Irvine about the signs and quick as a hiccup the City jumped all over this stuff. An Irvine City Spokescal-ee-forn-yun said, “The city received complaints that the signage is offensive; we issued a code enforcement notice for the sign to be removed.(by Jan. 19 because) it is a non-permitted sign visible from the exterior of the building that is not part of an approved sign program.”An “approved” sign program. Approved by whom? The moonbats who run the City? Liberals R Us? The Homo Nation? God?

The article I read said nothing of nudity or explicitly sexual content (other than the hot babes themselves), so what’s offensive about that? I personally find no offense in looking at the poster of a young bimbo built like a brick shit house in a bikini urging me to be healthy.  I always thought that being healthy was supposed to make one feel beautiful and proud of the hard work it took/takes to be built like Katy Perry or The Rock. And I can state categorically that the picture of a woman built like Roseanne Barr (or man built like Ed Asner, depending on your perspective) does not in any way entice me to wanna join this spa. Go buy some Pepto Bismol? Sure. Join this fitness club? Not so much.

That Word Again

The rainbow-flag-waving-kill-the-unborn-I-can-run-your-life-better-than-you-can-tax-the-rich-even-though-a-poor-guy-never-created-a-job-Liberal, I call Pencil Penis is really named Angelo Paparelli. Get this. Angelo is a 20 year old guy who is squealing like a bitch over signs at a fitness club that show some good lookin’ chicks! I’m thinkin’ that Angie Boy has deeper issues to deal with than whining about these posters of some female hotties, IYKWIMAITYD.

Angelo, it seems to me that you have other options than to remain a member of this club. Finding another place to work out comes to mind. You know… a place that displays posters of Ricky Martin or that openly gay guy on the Bravo Network. Carson Somethingoranother. (I think). That ought to be right “up your alley”, so to speak.Your other choice is for you and your good lookin’ chick hatin’ buddies to just shut the fuck up and work out where you are members right now. It’s that easy. Trust me on this one, Ang. The market place will determine whether or not posters of hot women (or men) are a beneficial or detrimental to this business.

There ya go, Angie. The choice is all yours. Take your prick pick.

Dumbass.

***Courtesy ocregister.com***

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My Dumbass Dliemma, The Fwench, Utah Dumbasses & 9-1-1 Dumbassery

I Have Been to the Mountain Top!

Fellow Dumbasses, I need you today like I’ve never needed you before. I guess that’s because I’ve never needed you before. Literary Brilliance Note: The first two sentences of this post were put there to “hook” you into reading further. That’s why it is called a “hook”. See? It worked.You’re still here, ain’t you? Just like a hungry catfish that can’t resist that big ass hunk of smelly, juicy chicken live on a 3/0 fishing hook, I have reeled you in. Damn, I’m good!

My Dilemma 


I am facing something that I suppose that every world famous, adualted, idolized two bit blogger like me encounters every once in a while. You see, when you’re at the top your blogging game a retired middle aged piss ant “wirier” like me, there will come a time when it’s almost impossible to live up stay in the cesspool of daily blogging. Sometimes the Blogging gods look down upon you with pity and bless you with a week’s worth of material that is divinely inspired – like last week. The problem is how in the name of all that is Holy do you follow up such sagacity without taking a dramatic plunge back into the depths of internet darkness? That’s the difficulty I confronted this week. How could I not crash and burn???!!!


On a Roll

I don’t know how it happened but it happened. Another Dumbass Week of outstanding dumbassery inj the shadow of the Dumbassery before it, and I pulled it off with aplomb, never once intimidated by the mission before me. It? “It” is following up last week’s masterpieces with equally hypnotic screeds thus preventing that “falling off a cliff” feeling that so often follows such classic works. When you are in the pits, the fall ain’t so bad, but when you are at the apex of blogging brilliance as I was last week, the long, frightening descent to oblivion gives one an emotion of desperation exceeded only by the thoughts of the sudden stop at the end of the seemingly never ending dive.

Dumbassery for the Ages

Alas, next week will present me with a whole new set of tribulations to conquer. The coming days can wait, however, as I bask in the warm glow of my achievements of yesterweek.

Speaking of yesterweek, I just happened to have saved for posterity the timeless musings of your Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde with your children and grand children in mind. Some day the little bastiges tykes will grow up and read the heartwarming prose of their ancestors. When that melancholy moment embraces them, a tear will well up in their eyes, memories of long ago suddenly rushing through their minds, an inaudible whisper will caress their lips as it flows to the ears of the Almighty (or one of his sidekicks)…..”Damn. Dad sure was a Dumbass.” <sniffle>

The Timelessness of Excellence

As type through the mistiness of tears blurring my vision, tearsinspired by the bullshit tenderness, as presented above,of what is yet to come, I impart to you the glue that holds us all together, that all encompassing power that is Dumbassery.

  • Learning from the Fwench – Two words I never thought I’d put in the same sentence. “Learn” and “Fwench”. Raise the Fwench National Flag! The solid white one. The end is nigh.Sacre bleu!
  • Utah and Moonbats – Two more words I would have bet my gazebos on that I would never put in the same sentence. “Moonbats” and “Utah”. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are mounting up for a ride.
  • 9-1-1: Hotline to an Ass Kickin’ – Hello, Police? Would you be so kind as to stop by my place? I need a good ass kickin’. And a few felonies.” The cops are quick to oblige requests like this one. 

I told you. Dumabssery that evokes emotion, thought and projectile puking. 

Adieu, You Cop Fightin’ Fwench Cougars and…

Dumbasses.

FLASHBACK: I have a couple of new sponsors on Dumbass News that I want to bring to your attention. It will be well worth your time to give them a quick look.


Old Time Candy Company This site is GREAT! They have candy from the 1920s to the 1990s! Old Time Candy Company is a terrific place to bring back memories of childhood for everybody from Grandma to teenagers. You’ll find some sweet Valentine’s Day gifts as well.


South Smoke Shop – One word. Cigars. “nuff said.

Dumbass Signs of the Times

Fitness Club Poster. Offensive?***

Long time readers of Dumbass News know exactly how I feel about Cal-ee-forn-ya. Beautiful place run by dumbass moonbats. Now before I go any further, I want to say upfront that I am not familiar at all with ordinances concerning signage in any given location. What I am about to write is what I think should be the deal regarding billboards, business signs and electronic sign displays where ever there are such signs. When it comes to business signs, with very few exceptions, and using common sense, which is a rare commodity for state or local politicos anywhere, Gubmint should stay the hell out of a business’ business. In other words, screw the local laws about this kind of thing, I am about to tell you the way things ought to be concerning signs in any city in the USA, say like Irvine, Cal-ee-forn-ya for example.

Why Irvine?

I chose Irvine over other cities from around the country for a few reasons. First, it’s in Cal-ee-forn-ya. Second, Cal-ee-forn-ya is the Fwance of the United States. And I don’t mean that as a compliment. Third, I like tweaking the Fwench and Cal-ee-forn-yuns. Two birds. One stone. OK. OK. OK. Let me jump in right  here to say that not all Fwench people and residents of the Golden State are gazebo-less pussies, but the great majority of them are. However, both places have a goodly population of Dumbasses like you and me, but sadly not enough of them to make a helluva lot of difference. Therefore, this post is aimed squarely at the more, shall we say “progressive” citizens of the two locales. No, we shall not say “progressive”, we shall say rainbow-flag-waving-kill-the-unborn-I-can-run-your-life-better-than-you-can-tax-the-rich-even-though-a-poor-guy-never-created-a-job-Liberals who have the majority in Cal-ee-forn-ya and Fwance.

A Sign of the Times

This post is built around what an obvious pencil penis Cal-ee-forn-yun, but I repeat myself, has to say about a sign at an Irvine fitness center. Let me splain.

Pencil Penis is a member of a health club in I-town that was recently bought out by another company. When the new people took over the spa, they put up some new signs around the place that portrayed the image the company wants to be known for. The new owners want to project an image of healthy being sexy so they put up some signs that featured some “healthy” young ladies. These posters upset good ole Pencil Penis. He says that the displays “objectify” women. What. The. Hell? We are talking bout a fitness joint aren’t we? Does PP expect the club to have posters of large women (or men) plastered all over the place? Nothing says “health club” like a poster of a woman who screams “triple baconator”! I could understand if the club put up before and after signs of some of its clients, but that requires that one half of the signage on display be of the “healthy” young lady (or man) variety. But slappin’ a shit load of fat folks on the walls of the fitness center wouldn’t exactly fill me with confidence that this business could help me get into a healthy lifestyle. If only the ‘”fat” signs were up, I’d immediately think that the new owners have a major stake in the Burger King across the street. But that’s just me.

Gubmint to the Rescue!

Pencil Penis and some other patrons of the club complained to the City of Irvine about the signs and quick as a hiccup the City jumped all over this stuff. An Irvine City Spokescal-ee-forn-yun said, “The city received complaints that the signage is offensive; we issued a code enforcement notice for the sign to be removed.(by Jan. 19 because) it is a non-permitted sign visible from the exterior of the building that is not part of an approved sign program.”An “approved” sign program. Approved by whom? The moonbats who run the City? Liberals R Us? The Homo Nation? God?

The article I read said nothing of nudity or explicitly sexual content (other than the hot babes themselves), so what’s offensive about that? I personally find no offense in looking at the poster of a young bimbo built like a brick shit house in a bikini urging me to be healthy.  I always thought that being healthy was supposed to make one feel beautiful and proud of the hard work it took/takes to be built like Katy Perry or The Rock. And I can state categorically that the picture of a woman built like Roseanne Barr (or man built like Ed Asner, depending on your perspective) does not in any way entice me to wanna join this spa. Go buy some Pepto Bismol? Sure. Join this fitness club? Not so much.

That Word Again

The rainbow-flag-waving-kill-the-unborn-I-can-run-your-life-better-than-you-can-tax-the-rich-even-though-a-poor-guy-never-created-a-job-Liberal, I call Pencil Penis is really named Angelo Paparelli. Get this. Angelo is a 20 year old guy who is squealing like a bitch over signs at a fitness club that show some good lookin’ chicks! I’m thinkin’ that Angie Boy has deeper issues to deal with than whining about these posters of some female hotties, IYKWIMAITYD.

Angelo, it seems to me that you have other options than to remain a member of this club. Finding another place to work out comes to mind. You know… a place that displays posters of Ricky Martin or that openly gay guy on the Bravo Network. Carson Somethingoranother. (I think). That ought to be right “up your alley”, so to speak.Your other choice is for you and your good lookin’ chick hatin’ buddies to just shut the fuck up and work out where you are members right now. It’s that easy. Trust me on this one, Ang. The market place will determine whether or not posters of hot women (or men) are a beneficial or detrimental to this business.

There ya go, Angie. The choice is all yours. Take your prick pick.

Dumbass.

***Courtesy ocregister.com***