|I Have Been to the Mountain Top!|
Fellow Dumbasses, I need you today like I’ve never needed you before. I guess that’s because I’ve never needed you before. Literary Brilliance Note: The first two sentences of this post were put there to “hook” you into reading further. That’s why it is called a “hook”. See? It worked.You’re still here, ain’t you? Just like a hungry catfish that can’t resist that big ass hunk of smelly, juicy chicken live on a 3/0 fishing hook, I have reeled you in. Damn, I’m good!
I am facing something that I suppose that every
world famous, adualted, idolized two bit blogger like me encounters every once in a while. You see, when you’re at the top your blogging game a retired middle aged piss ant “wirier” like me, there will come a time when it’s almost impossible to live up stay in the cesspool of daily blogging. Sometimes the Blogging gods look down upon you with pity and bless you with a week’s worth of material that is divinely inspired – like last week. The problem is how in the name of all that is Holy do you follow up such sagacity without taking a dramatic plunge back into the depths of internet darkness? That’s the difficulty I confronted this week. How could I not crash and burn???!!!
On a Roll
I don’t know how it happened but it happened. Another Dumbass Week of outstanding dumbassery inj the shadow of the Dumbassery before it, and I pulled it off with aplomb, never once intimidated by the mission before me. It? “It” is following up last week’s masterpieces with equally hypnotic screeds thus preventing that “falling off a cliff” feeling that so often follows such classic works. When you are in the pits, the fall ain’t so bad, but when you are at the apex of blogging brilliance as I was last week, the long, frightening descent to oblivion gives one an emotion of desperation exceeded only by the thoughts of the sudden stop at the end of the seemingly never ending dive.
Dumbassery for the Ages
Alas, next week will present me with a whole new set of tribulations to conquer. The coming days can wait, however, as I bask in the warm glow of my achievements of yesterweek.
Speaking of yesterweek, I just happened to have saved for posterity the timeless musings of your Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde with your children and grand children in mind. Some day the little
bastiges tykes will grow up and read the heartwarming prose of their ancestors. When that melancholy moment embraces them, a tear will well up in their eyes, memories of long ago suddenly rushing through their minds, an inaudible whisper will caress their lips as it flows to the ears of the Almighty (or one of his sidekicks)…..”Damn. Dad sure was a Dumbass.” <sniffle>
The Timelessness of Excellence
As type through the mistiness of tears blurring my vision, tearsinspired by the
bullshit tenderness, as presented above,of what is yet to come, I impart to you the glue that holds us all together, that all encompassing power that is Dumbassery.
- Learning from the Fwench – Two words I never thought I’d put in the same sentence. “Learn” and “Fwench”. Raise the Fwench National Flag! The solid white one. The end is nigh.Sacre bleu!
- Utah and Moonbats – Two more words I would have bet my gazebos on that I would never put in the same sentence. “Moonbats” and “Utah”. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are mounting up for a ride.
- 9-1-1: Hotline to an Ass Kickin’ – Hello, Police? Would you be so kind as to stop by my place? I need a good ass kickin’. And a few felonies.” The cops are quick to oblige requests like this one.
I told you. Dumabssery that evokes emotion, thought and projectile puking.
Adieu, You Cop Fightin’ Fwench Cougars and…
FLASHBACK: I have a couple of new sponsors on Dumbass News that I want to bring to your attention. It will be well worth your time to give them a quick look.
Old Time Candy Company – This site is GREAT! They have candy from the 1920s to the 1990s! Old Time Candy Company is a terrific place to bring back memories of childhood for everybody from Grandma to teenagers. You’ll find some sweet Valentine’s Day gifts as well.
South Smoke Shop – One word. Cigars. “nuff said.