Category: Murder

Step Mom Hate Your Boyfriend? Poison Her!

It was bound to happen again.

Back in September, 2012 (the 2nd Birthday of Dumbass News), I regaled you with the tale of a woman who felt like she was being shunned by her boyfriend. The chick was starving for attention. After much emotional neglect from said boyfriend, she devised a unique way to renew his interest in her. She poisoned him! With nose drops.

To be sure, I am not a big fan of poisoning another human bean in order to attract his or her attention. In this particular case, it appears to me that a more effective, and non-lethal, method of gaining notice from the boyfriend would have been to have made a special dinner for him or perhaps to buy some slutty Catholic School Girl lingerie. 

But that’s just me.


Here We Go Again

Alexis

Today’s story is eerily similar to the one I just told you about. Simply, change the word “boyfriend” to “step mother” and it’s basically the same deal.

The pissed off female in today’s post is Alexis Jennings of Casper, Wyoming. Getting their information from an arrest affidavit, trib.com reveals some of the facts of this case: Jennings, 18, began slipping the drops into her stepmother’s tea and coffee in July 2012. By the time Jennings was arrested in November, the alleged victim had involuntarily consumed about 20 bottles of Visine and was subsequently hospitalized twice.

The obvious question here is why in the name of all that is Holy would a young lady with her whole life in front of her want to poison to death her step mother? Physical abuse? Wire hangers? No! Alexis wanted her step mom pushing up daisies because the Wicked Old Step Mother aid something not nice about Alexis’ boyfriend! Well, hell, that explains everything!

The Trib story continues, at first, Jennings told the deputy, she just wanted to make the alleged victim sick, but she eventually determined she’d rather the woman die. Over time, Jennings reportedly increased the dosage from one-sixth of a bottle to one-fourth of a bottle. 

Ways to Avoid the Temptation of Killing Your Step Mother

  1. Ignore her and dismiss any negative things she says about your significant other.
  2. Ask her nicely to shut the fuck up.
  3. Listen to what she says. Maybe Step Mom is right and you need a new boyfriend.
  4. Kick her ass. This method of murder avoidance is a one time deal. If after you pound her face to a bloody pulp she persists in her unacceptable behavior, then and only then is it permissible to escalate your attacks on her to homicidal levels. 
  5. Just kidding about the homicide thing in Number 4.
  6. Count to 10.
  7. Move out.
  8. Kill yourself.

I offer to you these alternatives to killing one of God’s children as a Public Service. It is incumbent upon me as your Fearless Leader to do so, to offer you inner peace when the fires of rage envelope your soul. I am here for you always.

If, at this point, all else fails, then it’s time to fucking go postal.

Dumbass.

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Dumbass Shoots, Kills Wife During Sex!

Not a Sex Aid

The story you are about to read is both dumbass and tragic. It provides a valuable, although horrific, lesson that even being a dumbass has its limits before you cross over into negligence and criminality. Sadly, the dumbass in our story today learned a lesson he’d rather not have been taught, I hope. here’s what I mean by “I hope”:

A 23 year old man and his wife, 50, were having sex when the woman was killed by a single gunshot wound to the head. WTF? you are asking. I’ve heard of people dieing of heart attacks during sex, but a fatal gunshot during the act? Not so much.

The 23 year old man told police that he and his wife often played a little game during sex in which he would put a handgun to her head while they did the deed. They were engaged in sex when he grabbed a gun off the nightstand not realizing that it was loaded and he put it to her head like he said he always did, when the gun accidently discharged, killing the woman. What a fucking dumbass. I won’t go into gun safety here, because I would just be preaching to the choir. On top of that, the dumbass guy owned several other weapons and should have damn sure known better. Instead, a woman lays dead in cold storage in an Oklahoma morgue.

Not surprisingly, the cops believed this dumbass’ story like I believe in the Tooth Fairy. He’s being held on charges of first degree murder, soon to be in his own private little domicile on Death Row in an Oklahoma State Penitentiary, assuming of course that he found guilty by a jury of his peers, many of whom will be responsible gun owners who look down on such reckless behavior while in possession of a firearm.

Even if this dumbass gets life in prison, he’ll almost certainly become a prison bitch to Leon “Hung Like a Horse” Williams. And Leon hates people who are such dumbasses with a weapon, but Leon loves to show his new bitches his “howitzer”. Enjoy it, dumbass. I know Leon will.

Another Dumbass With a Tattoo Becomes a Prison Bitch

A Tattoo is Worth 1000 Words

I have never been one for tattoos, on me at least. I have seen some tats that look real good…on other people. I don’t begrudge those who have “body art” on their persons because some times the tattoos lead to a perfect Dumbass News story, like this one. After reading that post, you just had to know that another tattooed dumbass would eventually come down the pike. Lo, it is that time.

Unlike the dumbass in the link above who got his tattoo to win a radio contest, today’s dumbass, Anthony Garcia, got his ink because he KILLED somebody. What could possibly go wrong with that? I mean other than the fact that he could get arrested at a later time and the “confession” in his tattoo would get him convicted of murder.

Yahoo! News has the story and from it we get this clip, “Back in 2004, Lloyd had been working as a sergeant at the Pico Rivera station when he was called to the scene of a shooting outside a liquor store, in which 23-year-old John Juarez was gunned down. The murder was never solved.
But Lloyd quickly realized that the tattoo on Garcia’s chest showed the scene. It wasn’t just the image of the liquor store itself. It was the artistic details: the Christmas lights on the roof; the street lamp in the corner; and the murder victim depicted as a peanut, which is a gang terminology for a rival gang member. And above it all was a banner reading “Rivera Kills”—a reference to the Rivera-13 gang.” What. A. Dumbass.

The cops found and arrested Garcia and threw his dumb ass in the lockup. The cops also placed another “prisoner” in the cell with Garcia. but this “prisoner” was actually an undercover policeman who just happened to be wired so any conversation he had with Garcia could be recorded and used as evidence against him at trial. Being a typical dumbass gangbanger, Garcia started singing like Old Blue Eyes Hisownself, with each syllable being carefully recorded by the heat.

Long story short, Garcia the Pendejo was tried and convicted of murder because of a fucking tattoo! Well, that and the small matter of murder. So Tony is now a long-term guest of the State and a booty call for many inmates that have “needs”. After all, felons are only human.

Dumbass.

Hat tip to Mark the Brother

Dumbass Shoots and Kills Wife During Sex

Not a Sex Aid

The story you are about to read is both dumbass and tragic. It provides a valuable, although horrific, lesson that even being a dumbass has its limits before you cross over into negligence and criminality. Sadly, the dumbass in our story today learned a lesson he’d rather not have been taught, I hope. here’s what I mean by “I hope”:

A 23 year old man and his wife, 50, were having sex when the woman was killed by a single gunshot wound to the head. WTF? you are asking. I’ve heard of people dieing of heart attacks during sex, but a fatal gunshot during the act? Not so much.

The 23 year old man told police that he and his wife often played a little game during sex in which he would put a handgun to her head while they did the deed. They were engaged in sex when he grabbed a gun off the nightstand not realizing that it was loaded and he put it to her head like he said he always did, when the gun accidently discharged, killing the woman. What a fucking dumbass. I won’t go into gun safety here, because I would just be preaching to the choir. On top of that, the dumbass guy owned several other weapons and should have damn sure known better. Instead, a woman lays dead in cold storage in an Oklahoma morgue.

Not surprisingly, the cops believed this dumbass’ story like I believe in the Tooth Fairy. He’s being held on charges of first degree murder, soon to be in his own private little domicile on Death Row in an Oklahoma State Penitentiary, assuming of course that he found guilty by a jury of his peers, many of whom will be responsible gun owners who look down on such reckless behavior while in possession of a firearm.

Even if this dumbass gets life in prison, he’ll almost certainly become a prison bitch to Leon “Hung Like a Horse” Williams. And Leon hates people who are such dumbasses with a weapon, but Leon loves to show his new bitches his “howitzer”. Enjoy it, dumbass. I know Leon will.