Category: Naked

Dumbass Bidness Idea: Chicken Sitting!

The greatest asset this country has is its people.

Americans by nature are rugged individualists. Except for Obama voters. They are just stoopid fuckers. But, I digress.

Anyway, Americans in general will see a problem and instinctively look for a way to solve it. We see a need and seek a way to fulfill it.

In other words, we Americans are an industrious bunch. Again with the exception of O-bots, who are, generally speaking, a cabal of lazy motherfuckers. Now before you go postal on me because of my opinion about Obamatrons, I know that many of them are good, decent hard working folks. The fact remains, however, that they are good, decent, hard working stoopid fuckers. Again, I digress.

Overall though, Americans will see an opportunity and seize it.

Take dog poop for example.

Supply and Demand

A guy in Charlottesville, Virginia saw dog doo doo and turned it into gold by starting a bidness named Doody Calls. He, and forty franchisees in twenty-three states, go around picking up Bowser Bombs in dog parks and back yards all over the country. Who knew that Poodle Patties could be turned into gold?

Nekkididity also pays off. A motel owner in Florida was watching his bidness dwindle into near non-existence when he came up with a simple but brilliant way to turn things around. The miraculous solution that saved his motel? Nekkididity. He re-branded his motel as “clothing optional”. He’s now raking in the cheese.

Lubbock, Texas is a college town, home to Texas Tech University. This means that they are thousands of young, unmarried men. This, in turn, means that there are thousands of unkempt houses and apartments in Lubbock. College guys ain’t exactly known as Better Homes and Garden kind of guys. In other words, male college students are pigs when it comes to tidy homes. Seeing a bidness opportunity, a Smart Guy started a maid service. OK, what’s so brilliant about that? The brilliance lies in the fact that it is a Nekkid Maid Service! College Guys and Horny Old Bastards all around Lubbock jumped the Nekkid Maid Train like a duck on  a June bug.

The point is: there was a call for dog shit picker uppers, nekkid motels and nekkid maids and some enterprising Americans answered it.

What a country!

Another Success Story

Linda Walker of Portland, Oregon did a solid (for all the Yoopers in the Reading Audience, that means “a favor”) for a friend and turned it into a start up small bidness.

Linda’s friend was going on her honeymoon and needed someone to baby sit for her. Except the “baby sitting” wasn’t for a baby. It was for over two hundred chickens!

So what does Linda do? She starts her own Chicken Sitting bidness! Linda informs us that she has received over twenty inquiries into her Chicken Sittin’ gig.

I don’t now if Chicken Sitting is worth its weight in dog dookey or not, and it certainly ain’t as cool as nekkididity, but you gotta admit that Linda has hatched a unique idea.

Another benefit to chicken sitting is chicken shit. Lots of chicken shit.

Now that’s a bidness just waitin’ to happen.

Doody Calls.

Dumbasses.

Advertisements

Nekkid Motel Bidness is on the Rise in Florida

Git Nekkid

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

The economic funk that has engulfed the country over the last few years (how’s that hope and change workin’ out for you?) has hit some industries harder than others. My guess is that the ravel industry is being hit hard. I mean the price of a gallon of gas here in Maine is hovering between $3.50 and $4. I am not and economist, but that’s gotta hurt a lot of bidness owners, especially the restaurant and hotel type deals.

That’s exactly what has happened to a hotel owner in Florida. The economic downtown had him on the brink of shutting down his bidness. Then’ like a good American during tough times, he came up with a solution to his problem.

Go nekkid!

The Real Fawlty Towers Resort Motel, 1-800-887-3870, Call ’em Today!

David Broad, not to confused with Stupid Broad and Broad Load, says he was this close || to putting padlocks on the doors of the hotel he manages, when the idea of going clothing optional came up and was decided to be worth the risk.

I am not sure about you, but where I come from “clothing optional” always means nekkid. And it’s kinda funny that nekkid people like to hang around each other a lot. If Church was “clothing optional”, except for the Priest or Minister of course, church buildings. mosques and synagogues would be splittin’ at the seams with nekkid parishioners. I guess that would be OK with the Lord, because he sees us all the same way anyhow.

Back to Fawlty Towers Resort Motel, the nekkid hotel, the move to nekkididity has been a good one. They are no longer in danger of closing down because, like I said earlier, nekkid folks like to “hang out” (hahahahaha I kill  me) together, swimming, playing volleyball and doing the ring toss, if you know what I mean and I think you do. By the way, this is the area’s only nekkid-if-you-wanna motel. No shit.

The Bottom Line

I wonder what would happen if other bidnesses followed to Nekkid Lead. It would certainly liven up a trip to the convenience store. Especially if it is manned by former strippers. Going to Sonic for a Foot Long would have new meaning.

Image the fun you could have with a trip to the fishing supply store if the employess were nekkid. The words “crank bait” and “plastic worm” conjure up some reall doozies of thoughts. How about a new game for fabulous prizes at Dunkin Donuts called Make a Donut Hole in the Dough where the nekkid Dunkin Donut girl would sling a ball of donut dough at nekkid male customers….you get the idea.

Donut holes anyone?

Dumbasses.

Golf Team Does Nekkid Calendar; Cleans Balls First

Hits Balls Like Nothing Else

BEST OF DUMBASS NEWS!

I have been in contact via Facebook with some long-time friends of mine back home in Texas who have kids starting college this fall. Their offspring will be attending fine universities like Texas A & M – Commerce and the University of Texas at Tyler. It’s probably a good thing that my friends are very involved with their kids’ education and helped the youngsters make a decision on the school that is right for them. My friends, and by extension their children, will be pleased that Bethany College in Kansas was not among their final choices of institutions of higher learning. Let me splain.

Not too long ago a few members of the men’s golf team at Bethany posed for a calendar. This was, however, no ordinary calendar! These young men posed nekkid using golf clubs to cover their gazebos and “putters”. Putzes. I have never posed for nekkid photos for a calendar or any other publication, but I used to be a scratch (no pun intended) golfer and I have gazebos. I therefore feel that I am qualified to inject (again no pun intended) my golfing and gazebo knowledge into this conversation.

When trying to conceal one’s “putter” for a photo, one should not use a putter (the golf club) in order to do so. The blade, of the putter would only hide a small portion of a man’s “putter”. Unless he has a small “putter”. One should also consider the loft of the club (the angle at which it connects to the shaft), (again no pun intended…OK…maybe the pun was intended on this one). A pitching wedge, for example, has a loft that would be unsatisfactory in hiding one’s “putter”. A 2 or 3 iron maybe, but not a wedge. My choice would be a driver or a Big Bertha. Both of these clubs have large heads (OK, ALL the puns were intended!) on them that would most likely cover all but the largest of “putters”. Of course, a head cover ( I kill myself) would be the most effective non-club option, but apparently that wasn’t one the choices for the photo shoot. For non-golfers, a club cover is a sock-like gizmo that fits over the club heads of the woods (bwahahahaha) in a set of golf clubs that protects the club head from the elements and scratches, etc. That’s the way I see it anyway.

These young men, their gazebos and “putters” (the clubs and non-clubs versions), were suspended from the first three tournaments in conference play for their shenanigans. Not for posing nude for the calendar, but for using the words “Bethany College” on it.

From the UPI story: 
School officials said the picture did not violate athletic regulations but the caption bore the words Bethany College, which officials said was an inappropriate use of the institution’s name. I just want to make sure they understand life choices and consequences.” Well hell! That cleared that right up, didn’t it? What would the staff at Bethany College do if one of their coeds was a stripper and wore a BC tank top while gettin’ neekid? I’m just askin’.

The golf team bogeyed this one and ended up stymied by the college. Such are the water hazards of life for young people. And par for the course.

Dumbasses.