Category: National Forest

Driving While Star-Gazing! Guess What Happens?

Don’t Look at This While Driving

I like outer space. I like stars. I like to look at stares in outer space. At almost any time throughout the day, you can find me tuned in to NatGeo, Discovery Network or, oddly enough, the Green Channel. Those networks often carry stuff about outer space and I’m  always amazed at what’s out there. The billions of galaxies, “solar systems”, black holes and such. Fascinating stuff. Seeing God’s Handiwork intrigues me like nothing else can. Except Swedish lesbians in a loser strips nekkid Mud Match. I wonder if  Lesbian Mud Matches exist on other planets? Sorry…I got carried away. Where I live in New England (on the outskirts of a small city) lights from town are not a major factor when looking for certain stars, constellations or meteors. Did I say “meteors”? 

Meteors

A good meteor shower is a grand thing to watch. To me, it’s like a train whistle in the distance. It always makes me wonder where the train is headed to. Some exotic locale thousands of miles away? The same applies to meteors. After they flash by going a gazillion miles per hour, where do they go? The outer reaches of the universe? A trip around the sun that sling shots them back to where they came from? I wish meteors could make a train whistle sound. I like train whistle sounds off in the distance coming from an invisible train on its way to Whereverville.

Our dumbass today likes meteors too. A few nights ago we had the spectacle of the Geminid meteor shower. It happens every year at this time. Anyway, our dumbass whose name wasn’t mentioned in the story I read, was driving along through the Angeles National Forest in Calee-forn-ya watching the Geminids flash through the night sky in all their celestial splendor. Problem was, he was still driving while meteor gazing. What could possibly go wrong? I’ll tell you what could possibly go wrong. The dumb fuck ran off a cliff while looking at the sky and not the road! The guy went tail pipe over engine block a hundred feet down a damn cliff!

This incident automatically brings to mind a few questions, the most obvious being “Why was this dumbass watching the sky while still driving?” when pulling off onto the aside of the road would have been the safe thing to do. This is Los Angeles! That’s why. Next Question: You never know when star gazing gang bangers will happen by and say, “Why look fellows! That Caucasian chap in the Mustang pulled onto the side of the road meteor watching needs to relinquish possession  of his fine automobile to us”. Gang bangers don’t really talk like that…unless they are from Beverly Hills.Translated to the vernacular the gang guy said, “Look, homies, let’s go smash in the honky’s skull and take the mothah fuckah’s car, my niggas”.

Another thing is, ain’t it even more dangerous (and stoopid) to star watch while you are actually in a moving car than it is to talk on cell phone while tooling along? Maybe it’s just me who thinks like that, but it seems logical to me…and the cops. But we are dealing with a dumbass here so I doubt safe driving was in the same zip code as his mind.

Saved

The dip shit was rescued by the CHP and local cops a bit later and amazingly enough, he walked away with only minor injuries. And a totaled Ford Mustang, model year not given. So, all you young people let this be a lesson to you. Never, I mean never watch a meteor shower while in  moving vehicle. But, there’s another lesson we can all learn from this story. Don’t pull over to the side of the road either! You never know when a group of gang bangers will come by and crack open your honky skull !

My niggas.

Dumbasses.

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