Category: New England Patriots

Dumbassery at a High Level – Except in Green Bay & The Big Easy

Not Anymore. Dammit.

The week that we are ending today has been a memorable one.

It all started for me during the National Football League Playoffs last Sunday. Needless to say, from my perspective, starting about 4PM EST, things sucked from that moment on. A little while after four, the Divisional Playoff game between the San Francisco Ballerinas and Nawlins Saints. The Pansies won and the Coon Asses headed back to the Big Easy. Dammit. Things did not get any better from there for me.

My favorite NFL team of over 50 years, the Green Bay Packers, were next to make me wanna barf when they lost to the New York Mannings. In Green Bay no less! What.The.Hell. I remain in shock. How could the defending Super Bowl Champs lose to a team that squeaked into the playoffs beat creaming the Dallas Rhinestone Cowboys in the last game of the regular season! I mean for Vince Lombardi’s sake, the Pack was 15 – 1 during the regular season and the Mannings finished at 9 – 7 by virtue of their win over Dallas. That’s SIX game spread! In lieu of this upset, I am still boycotting all cheese from Wisconsin. Until I make a double decker Toby Burger later today, protest be damned!

To top off the whole disastrous week, my wife and/or one or both of my little girls have been sick all week. Actually this is about the third week that Heather and Issy have been on again off again ill. Heather and Issy Woo Woo are still under the weather. Whatever it is that’s kickin’ their asses will not go the hell away! Now I wear the “I’m Next to Contract the Super Crud” bull’s eye on my back. Oh, the joy! Dammit. Again.

Even though this week sucked swamp donkey gazebos for my family and me (and my beloved Packers), the dumbassery we displayed in our posts was at a very high level, with each day presenting a tough act to follow for the next day’s story. It wasn’t easy, but through hard work, determination and cheating, we did it.

  • On Monday, we paid tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Also on Monday, I had a dream! A dream of eliminating terrorists in a most unusual way. Penis cancer!
  • I have posted several stories about dwarf tossing on Dumbass News, but the one we had up on Tuesday had a bit of a twist to it. Ambush Dwarf Tossing!
  • Some weenie at a fitness club in Cal-ee-forn-ya was mortified, mortified, I tell you at posters in the club that featured young, pretty fit women in minimal clothing. BTW…his name is “Twinkletoes”, IYKWIMAITYD.

That’s an All Pro lineup of Dumbassery if I’ve ever seen one. Of course I said the same thing about the Green Bay Packers and the Nawlins Saints last Sunday and look how that worked out. Both teams got their asses handed to them by inferior teams. On any given Sunday, I suppose. Dammit.