It’s not often that I get to write about a New England Dumbass on this blog, unless they are from MassiveTwoShits, so it’s always a pleasure to be able to do so.
Sadly, our Dumbass of the Day is not from my Adopted Home State of Maine, but there is some consolation in the fact that she’s from the only state we share a border with – New Hampshire. Epping, NH, to be exact. Also kind of cool is the fact that New Hampshirians (New Hampshireites? New Hamboners?) talk real funny like Maine-ards do. Pahk the cah in the yahd, lobstah and all that stuff. They also have great taste in music, AC/DC specifically. Problem is a New Hamboner tends to overdo it when peeling the paint off the wall with AC/DC classics like Hell’s Bells, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap and the old standard, Highway to Hell.
|Highway to Hell|
It was, in fact, Highway to Hell that put a New Hambshirianbonerite Dumbass on the, um, er, Highway to Hell.
Let me splain.
She Likes the Song
The story comes from the HuffingPuffingAwayOnTheHighwayToHellPost: “Authorities say a New Hampshire woman has been arrested four times in 26 hours for blasting the AC/DC song “Highway to Hell” and other loud music from her home and for throwing a frying pan.
Police first issued a warning to Joyce Coffey on Tuesday afternoon at her home in Epping. They say they were called back an hour later and arrested her for the loud music.
Police say Coffey was arrested again five hours later. She was released and arrested again before dawn Wednesday over more loud music.
Police arrested her again after her nephew said he tried to remove some of his belongings from her house and she threw the frying pan at him.
I like Highway to Hell too, but not enough to get hauled off to jail for. Four times no less! Hell, if you’re gonna be repeatedly arrested for loud music violations, which is stoopid as fuck anyway, (turn the damn music down!) at least throw in a little Hank Williams, Jr or Lynyrd Skynyrd or some shit.
Let Me Speculate Here
The story doesn’t mention it, but is it possible that (gasp!) alcohol was involved in this incident? Or pot? or some other elicit substance like burning moose turds?
For the life of me I can’t figger this one out. As I asked up there ^^^, why didn’t she just turn the damn music down when she was first approached by the Law? And, she heaved a fryin’ pan at her nephew for trying to get his own shit from her house? If that doesn’t scream drunk, I don’t know what does! Then again, New Hamboners do smoke a ton of Moose Weed which tends to make them act like they are from the aforementioned MassiveTwoShits. But arrested four times for loud music? Even MassiveTwoShitters get it after the first three times. And they are beyond stoopid. Just look how many times they voted into Congress a Kennedy or Bawney Fwank. But I digress.
When all is said and done, I hope the New Hambonershireite bitch has learned her lesson about playing AC/DC at high volumes and violating local noise ordinances.
As a public service to her, I offer this free advice so she can avoid arrest on similar charges: next time blast some Justin Bieber. Even the most hardened cop won’t come near that shit. After all, he just deals with felons and killers all the time.
|Bring it, Bitch!|
As you probably know there is a little thing going on in the Atlantic Ocean. It’s called Hurricane Irene. Irene is a nasty bitch headed straight up the East Coast and will eventually run her bitch ass course somewhere in Canada. Many of you may not know that I live in Maine and Maine is next door neighbors with Canada and therefore this fucking hurricane is going to pass right through the middle of the Pine Tree State. Further, this Irene will pass nearly directly over where I am sitting right now. I do not look forward to this, but being a Texan and all, this hurricane is really not much more than a West Texas Turd Floater.
People all over the Globe read this blog and they may not have experienced such a potentially devastating weather event as a hurricane. I will, therefore, as long as the electricity stays on, try to live blog the passing of Irene as she makes her way over my house. The storm’s arrival (here in Maine) is not due until Sunday afternoon or night, so I have a little time to keep you posted as to what is going on in regards to what’s shakin’. (pun intended)
Here’s a shot of the predicted path of Irene as she slams into the state this weekend:
Now here’s a link to accuweather.com that goes into more detail about Irene and what to expect for the Northeast US and New England, where I live. Augusta is teetering right on the edge of “thank goodness” and ‘oh, shit!” as far as the intensity of the hurricane goes, but I think we’ll be OK since we are the East, or “good” side of the storm.
Believe it or not, I am more worried about the damage to my small garden than I am to our residence. We’ll be OK, the garden, not so much. Oh, well…There’s always next year.
|The Small Garden|
In conclusion I’d like to say…Bring it on, Irene! we ain’t skeered.
UPDATE: Not as bad as we thought? Irene weakens.
UPDATE #2: It’s a dud.