Category: NYPD

Fake Cop Turns Tricks on Hookers

Dead Giveaway

Dumbasses run the gamut of the human experience – from the poorest of the poor to the heights and glory of the Presidency of the United States. Somewhere between those two extremes lie cops and also hookers.  Both make regular appearances on the pages of Dumbass News. Today’s story features a policeman and his pursuit of ladies of the evening.! Oh, the anticipation of it all is killing me, so let’s not waste another moment before getting down to the nitty gritty.

The Nitty Gritty

On at least four occasions since the first of the year, a dumbass named William Taylor has posed as an NYPD officer. Taylor was targeting hookers, threatening to throw them in the slammer. Unless they performed sex acts on him. He used his status as a “police officer” the coerce those poor whores into doing something they wouldn’t ever do. Work for FREE! I’m sure they’d gladly give a little tit for tat with a real cop, but how dare a fake policeman take advantage of these poor defenseless sluts! What ever will they do for crack money now?!

Apparently one of the prostitutes that Taylor had played “hide the 38 snub nose pistol” with called the hooker version of 9-1-1 (6-9-6-9?) and complained that turning an extra trick each week to recoup her lost income was not good on the old “groceries”. It also cut into her cocaine use by 10%. But dammit, all work and no play makes Shaniqua a bored harlot.

NYPD Ain’t Happy

After laughing their asses off and knockin’ out a couple of dozen Dunkin Donuts, the NYC cops thought about the call for a minute and said, “Hey! Some dumbass is out there stealing our free hookers! Next thing you know he’s gonna be getting free coffee and eclairs at our favorite pastry shops! Something must be done!” Being a police officer is very often a thankless job and when some fake cop is getting all the free tunnel of love and possibly donuts too….well, it’s more than a public servant can’t take. So, they did something. No, they did not put up a 24/7 stakeout on local donut joints, they did actual police work.

Our man William, the El Fake-o Cop, enjoyed the company of one of his coke-addled hoes that he gave her his cell phone number! Because he wanted to be her pimp! I am not now a fake cop (or pimp), nor have I ever been one or played one on TV, but leaving your cell phone number with someone you have basically raped is not a very good idea. The NYPD had the same idea as me and began looking in earnest for William. After polishing off another few Dunkin Munchkins.

The Big Apple’s Finest caught up with William and slapped enough charges on him that his new prison bitch name will be “Sparky”, IYKWIMAITYD.

Epilogue

William Taylor the fake cop of New York City is a blight on humanity and should be dealt with accordingly within the parameters of the law. I think we can all count on the fact that William will be a favorite of many of his new house mates at Sing Sing.

Fart like a man while you can, William, soon you’ll just go “poooooofff” when you break wind. Have a nice day.

Dumbass.

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