Category: Obama

Chicago Gun Control Laws Lead to Bullet Wound in Weenie!

Chicago.

Chi-town.

The Windy City.

The Second City.

Gun Control Capital of the United States. Hence, Murder Capital of the United States.

Closing in on being The Dumbass Capital of the United States of America, but, for the moment, Florida has the most concentrated Dumbass per capita ratio in The Fruited Plain. Chicago, on the other hand, does lay claim to being The City With the Highest Concentration of Powerful Dumbasses in the United States of America.

A quick roll call of Powerful Dumbasses with Ties to Chicago:

  • President of the United States
  • Mayor of Chicago, Rahm Emanuel
  • Rev. Jesse Jackson
  • Jesse Jackson, Jr.
  • Father Michael Pfleger
  • Rev. Jeremiah Wright
  • William Ayers, Terrorist
  • Bernadette Dohrn, (Mrs. Wm. Ayers)
  • Jay Cutler, QB, Chicago Bears
  • Chicago White Sox

That’s quite a list, ain’t it?

The Powerful Dumbasses on The List better make room, because it looks like Chicago has a rising Powerful Dumbass-in-Waiting and at the rate this Young Dumbass is going, he’ll be on The List by his 18th birthday. If he lives that long.

Gun Go BOOM!

The Protagonist in our Dumbass Drama today is but 17 years old.

Shooters of Weenies***

Our Protagonist was chillin’ wit sum hoes (a little South Side lingo there) in Northwest Chi-Town one night recently when he thought he’d be cool. And, as you might have guessed, by “be cool” I mean “do something extraordinarily fucked up”.

The kid with the bleeding weenie called the cops. He told them that two guys dressed like ninjas jumped out of a black van and summarily shot him in his package. Then he changed his story. Then he changed his story again. And again. He went on lying to the cops until he got tired of his weenie bleeding like a stuck pig when finally ‘fessed up.

The Young Dumbass was hospitalized and he’ll be fine in due time.

WTF?

The last paragraph in this story as written on HuffPo goes like this: As of Saturday, multiple reports indicated it was unclear what charges the boy would face, if any. According to the state’s criminal code, giving false reports to police could be classified disorderly conduct and punishable by fines.

“What charges, if any…”? Are you fucking kidding me? You mean “if any” like discharging a firearm within the city limits? No kind of “recklessness with a deadly weapon”-type charges? How about possession of an unregistered pistol? Granted, the HuffPo story doesn’t say that the gun is unregistered, but you can bet your bottom dollar that it ain’t.

“But, Fearless Leader,” you plea, “how can you be so sure of that?”

It’s really quite simple. With the kind of draconian and, in my opinion, unconstitutional, gun control measures in Chicago, along with the Commie mainstream media’s leftist bias concerning firearms, if this pistol was in fact a registered weapon, they (the media and every Illinois politician within range of a TV news camera) would have pounded that point home with Thor’s hammer.

Did I mention that the Powerful Dumbass-in-Waiting came clean to the police about being affiliated with at least one Chicago gang?

“What charges, if any…” Really?

Fucking Dumbasses.

***Photo from Huffington Post via Alamy***

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Phone Sex Ain’t Prostitution Says Italy’s High Court!

There are times when even the greatest country in the history of Mankind, the United States, can look to its overseas brethren for guidance and inspiration.

Granted these time are extremely rare, because the rest of the world is completely off its collective nut (as a whole), and generally has little to offer us in the way of making our lives better. Is that a Snobbish American Dumbass Attitude? Maybe. Is it the truth? Definitely. Sorry, Other Countries of the World.

In one case Italy is our Beacon of Hope. The lighthouse in the distance after weeks in a stormy sea. The shining city at the top of the hill. The…oh, hell, you get the idea.

The Background Story

Some Eye-talian guy named Giancarlo ( a nom de phone john) was charged with the Eye-talian equivalent of solicitation of prostitution not for offering money to a hooker for sexual favors, but for paying a phone sex pro to talk dirty to and, presumably, give a jolly to a business client!

Say what?

If this is indeed the case, then AOL is, or was, the biggest hooker solicitor in the history of the world. After all, ten of millions of people used to pay AOL for services that eventually led to phone sex, if what I have read is true. AOL executives had to have some idea that this sort of lewd and lascivious behavior was taking place, right? They are (were), by its very definition, procurers of prostitutes!

Or not.

Eye-talian Supreme Court

The Court Ruling

This travesty in the name of Justice was rightly appealed time and again, finally reaching the Eye-talian Supreme Court. The High Court ruled for Giancarlo saying, “Verbally servicing an interlocutor for the purpose of sexual excitement does not constitute a sexual service, if it does not involve the bodily erogenous zones of the person who is getting paid for such a service.” In other words in this case, if the “service provider” does not physically touch the pee pee of the “service seeker”, then it ain’t prostitution.

I agree.

If such an act were considered an act of prostitution, then what would the act of willingly driving nekkid and duct taped through a major US city for sexual gratification be considered? Organ-ized crime? (“organ”-ized. hahahahaha)

Keep Phone Sex Legal and Safe  

The United States of America should and must be at the forefront in the fight to keep phone sex safe and legal. I mean, many Americans are standing up for other things that are considered out of the ordinary to the mainstream of society. Like homos getting “married”. Single people adopting children. Homos adopting children! Homos adopting single people!

If phone sex is criminalized what will be next? Playboy Magazine? Penthouse? National Geographic?

I don’t give a damn about phone sex as long as the participants are consenting adults and no children or small animals are involved in their “conversations”. As I see it, no harm, no foul (generally speaking). I only care about phone sex on the occasional Saturday night when Mrs. Fearless Leader and I play “A T & T”, if you know what I mean and I think you do. I especially enjoy the “Caller I.D.” part of our little game. 🙂 But, I digress.

Gubmint Intrusion

This is just another example of why Europe is a cess pool of Socialism – the gubmint getting involved in even the tiniest part of our private lives. This also is a prime example of why the US should stay away from the policies of people (see Obama, Barry) that tend to micromanage our very existence.

Let me put it this way, the Eye-talian Gubmint, which the 4 billionth Eye-talian Gubmint since the end of the Big One, WW2, spent countless millions of dollars prosecuting a guy for setting up a phone sex deal for a business client while their economy crumbles like an Oreo in the hands of a fat kid. This makes perfect sense to me. <—That’s molasses-thick sarcasm there, folks.

Now if we could just get Liberals and homos to join the cause of smaller and less intrusive gubmint, then some of the things they actually believe in (both of them!) might come to fruition.

I think we stand a better chance of getting Socialism and all its glorious failure out of Europe.

What was I thinking?

Dumbasses.

***Hat tip HuffPo***

Obama Condoms? Why Not? He’s Screwing the Whole Damn Country

It’s Second Chance Sunday for you Dumbasses.

Obama Cond

Back in the 70’s there was a joke going around about Richard Nixon where the punchline was something like this: ‘No, but we’ve got a dick in the White House screwing the whole country”. Jokes, good and bad, tend to come around in new iterations many years later. Recently someone (I forget who, sorry) called the current Dumbass-in-Chief a “dick”. There are prolly a few decent “dick” jokes that can be made from that bit of wisdom, but they wouldn’t be nearly as funny since our current President is not named “Dick”. He’s just a “dick”.  Just ask Jose the Condom Guy in New York City.

Jose has been selling “novelties” in the Big Apple for a while now and he has also had some run-ins with the NYPD. Long story short. Jose went to Court and won the right to sell his “novelties” as an unlicensed vendor in the the City. The City appealed the decision and the police continue to arrest Jose when he’s doing business on NYC streets. Wonder if it’s because NYC is a Liberal haven and Jose is selling condoms with Preznit Obama’s image on them? But who am I to speculate on such things? I am a dumbass, that’s who!Now, I have a question. Would the City of New York go after Jose if he sold condoms with, oh I don’t know, George W. Bush’s image on them? I think I know the answer.

More and more Americans each day are coming to the realization that our Fearless Leader is a dick and if the shoe condom fits…I really didn’t intend for this post to go in this direction, it just kind of happened. Do I apologize? Not only “no”, but “hell no”! Obama is a 98 pound weakling on a beach full of body builders, so why apologize? And why stop Jose from expressing his opinion with his Obama condoms? The Courts have already ruled in his favor, and until that decision is overturned, he’s within his rights to do so. Freedom of speech, anyone?

So screw (with an Obama condom, of course) the higher ups in the NYPD and/or City of New York who continue to harass this man. Bunch of dicks…I mean…

…Dumbasses.

Obama Condoms and Dickishness in NYC

Obama Condoms

Back in the 70’s there was a joke going around about Richard Nixon where the punchline was something like this: ‘No, but we’ve got a dick in the White House screwing the whole country”. Jokes, good and bad, tend to come around in new iterations many years later. Recently someone (I forget who, sorry) called the current Dumbass-in-Chief a “dick”. There are prolly a few decent “dick” jokes that can be made from that bit of wisdom, but they wouldn’t be nearly as funny since our current President is not named “Dick”. He’s just a “dick”.  Just ask Jose the Condom Guy in New York City.

Jose has been selling “novelties” in the Big Apple for a while now and he has also had some run-ins with the NYPD. Long story short. Jose went to Court and won the right to sell his “novelties” as an unlicensed vendor in the the City. The City appealed the decision and the police continue to arrest Jose when he’s doing business on NYC streets. Wonder if it’s because NYC is a Liberal haven and Jose is selling condoms with Preznit Obama’s image on them? But who am I to speculate on such things? I am a dumbass, that’s who!Now, I have a question. Would the City of New York go after Jose if he sold condoms with, oh I don’t know, George W. Bush’s image on them? I think I know the answer.

More and more Americans each day are coming to the realization that our Fearless Leader is a dick and if the shoe condom fits…I really didn’t intend for this post to go in this direction, it just kind of happened. Do I apologize? Not only “no”, but “hell no”! Obama is a 98 pound weakling on a beach full of body builders, so why apologize? And why stop Jose from expressing his opinion with his Obama condoms? The Courts have already ruled in his favor, and until that decision is overturned, he’s within his rights to do so. Freedom of speech, anyone?

So screw (with an Obama condom, of course) the higher ups in the NYPD and/or City of New York who continue to harass this man. Bunch of dicks…I mean…

…Dumbasses.

The little d, A Once Great City Is Full of Dumbasses

A soaring crime rate, an unemployment rate higher than many of its residents’ IQs, corrupt dumbasses running the place and maybe the highest dumbass to normal people ratio in the country. Other than that, Detroit is a regular paradise. I am not here to make fun of the hard working, respectable populace of the city (as few as that may be), I am here to belittle and amuse myself at the expense of the many dumbasses who populate The little d. You know the people I’m talking about. The ones that elect corrupt bastards to public office time after time after time and expect the sons of bitches to do something that actually benefits the voters who elected them. Recent examples include Marcia Conyers, a convicted felon and the mayor Kwame Whateverthefuckhisnameis, who was convicted of accepting bribes (I think). The guy looked more like a pimp than a respectable elected official. I could go on, but, out of compassion, I’ll stop there. My point is that other than the pro athletes, the guys on TV who run that big ass pawn shop and are getting richer by the day with the money of the felon-electing dumbasses, and the above-mentioned respectable citizens, Detroit is a fucking hell hole.

Another way that Detroit shows that is a loser of a town is the continued support so many of its residents give to the Dumbass in Chief in DC, despite the fact that his policies are crippling their city. Take for instance Sam Bazzi. Sam owns some gas stations in The little d that used to have nice names like Texaco, Exxon or Shell. But Sam is one of the dumbasses that make Detroit what it is…Haiti North. Sam re-named his gas stations “Obama”. I shit you not. Here’s part of the story from UPI, Two years on, amid a decline in the economy, Bazzi said he doesn’t think Obama’s name and face on his business has any negative impact.

1) His customers tend to agree, saying they don’t blame the president for rising gas prices.

2) “No, I can’t do that,” customer Famous Ellis said. “He’s doing everything he can to help us out.”

3) Another customer said there are better ways to combat rising gas prices than just assigning blame.

4)”More than anything, we need to get those electric cars out here,” Monte Harris said. “With that, we don’t need to worry about gas that much.”

I don’t need to point out the obvious dumbassery in those quotes. that would be beating a dead horse. On the other hand, maybe I do. In the order of the comments, here are my rebuttals:

1) Funny that these same dumbass dickweeds blamed George W. Bush every time gas went up a penny. Obama has blocked drilling in places that could get us off our dependence on foreign oil in fairly short order. But it’s not Obama’s fault, you see. These people are dumbasses.

2) He’s doing everything he can to help you? What the hell are these dumbfucks smoking? Obama has put this country $14 trillion dollars in debt. That asshole ain’t helping you, idiot, he’s squishing your city like a fucking cockroach. Does the government/union take over of GM and Chrysler ring a bell? fucking moron.

3) Again, you blamed Bush, why not blame Obama? Oh, that’s right, he’s black. It would be raaaaacist to blame him for anything, no matter the evidence that says otherwise looking you right in your dumbass face.

4) Get electric cars out there and we wouldn’t need that much gas? If that were possible right now, I’d agree, but it ain’t happening for a while. I have three words that will blast this dumbass comment out of the water. “Drill, baby, drill.” Now shut up, dipshit. You are a waste of skin.

Sam (remember him?) ain’t gonna change the names of his gas stations, even if Obama loses the 2012 election. Sam, I have some news for you. You won’t have to worry about changing the name of your stations if Odumbass wins re-election. They’ll be closed down shortly after the election! The unemployed of Detroit won’t be getting jobs anytime soon and the Dumbass in Chief ain’t gonna deviate from his Socialist agenda either. Simply put, you Detroiters are getting fucked by the very man you praise. Open your damned eyes! Dumbasses.