I love college football. In one way it’s too bad that the season is winding down. On the other hand, it’s time for some of the greatest rivalries in the game. This week alone we have Texas vs Texas A&M (Hook ’em Horns!), the Georgia Bulldogs play the Ramblin’ Wreck from Georgia Tech and The Big House in Ann Arbor, Michigan will be the site of one of college football’s greatest and most fierce rivalries as The Ohio State University visits the Wolverines of Michigan. I lived in Ohio for a while and let me tell you first hand how much OSU and its fans hate UM. Besides the normal fuck Michigan and Michigan sucks stuff, Buckeye fans take their animosity a little bit further. Taking it further meaning all the way their vanity license plates. Ohioans pay damn good money for those plates then the Department of Dumbasses at the Ohio Department of Motor Vee-hickles pull the rug right out from under them (the citizens) by declining their request for certain phrases on vanity plates.
The pussies at the Ohio DMV have denied requests for some stoopid phrases on vanity plates The to me seem relatively harmless. For example, one banned plate was simply “FMICHIGN”. What the is the problem with that? Not a damn thing. Another doomed plate: “HATEMI”. There other examples of this bullshit but I’ll spare you the details since these two are among “the worst” requests. C’mon, Ohio DMV, man up you bitches! Grow a pair! “KILBLU”! <—That’s on the no-no list too.I understand the need to keep the need to keep things family friendly, but holy shot, people. I can think of several slogans for vanity plates that would be inappropriate for public display. How about “FUKDBLU” or ‘MICH812″. Another good one would be “DMVRDUMASSES”. It’s a little long for a typical license plate, but maybe they could write it really small so it would fit. Where is the Freedom of Speech when you need it??!! I mean, if a guy from Ohio can’t say (on a vanity plate) that “MICHEATSSWAMPDONKEYBALLS”, what has this country come to? I am appalled! And disappointed. I’d look forward to seeing some visitors from Ohio here in Maine with a cool slogan on it supporting Ohio State. I can see it now…“CHRLEDRSATUMDONTEATTHEYGRAZE”. It’s all good clean fun that is an honored tradition in such athletic competition. But all the generations of carrying on with the spirit of thinking the other team is stomped out, nay, “SLOTRD” by a bunch of “FUKRS” at the Ohio DMV. Old bastards who wouldn’t know fun if it gave them a lap dance.
The University of Texas. I love it. I will be a Longhorn till the day the Good Lord calls me home. (which is no time soon, I hope) There’s not much I wouldn’t do to show my support for them. Paint myself burnt orange and white for a game? Sure. Wear those foam longhorns on my head. No problem. When I die have my open coffin placed oin the field while the Show Band of the Southwest does a halftime program? Are you fucking crazy?
I bring this up because a fellow in Ohio was the “i” in the word “Ohio” when the band formed the word on the field. As far as I can tell, this was not during a game. The Dead Buckeye was such an Ohio State University fan that he was the “i” in that formation. Attendance figures were not available. Heh. However, the Horseshoe, the OSU football stadium, holds about 105,000 insane Buckeye fans. I have been there, I know this. Dotting the “i” in “Ohio” is quite an honor to OSU supporters, but I have found nothing that says a dead guy in an open casket has been the “i” before. I hate to speak ill of the dearly departed, but this guy was eat up with the dumbass before he died. It’s a common ailment among Ohio State fans. Remember, I have been to a game there, where by the way it’s $3 for a 20 oz. Sprite as of a few years ago. Dumbasses. Maybe I should be the dumbass because I paid the three bucks for a 20 oz.soda. With no liquor in it! Back to the dead guy. Couldn’t he left a contribution to the school’s scholarship fund? say, like a $1.86? Or $3 so some poor kid could buy a 20 oz. soda?
Now that I have insulted millions of Buckeye fans around the world, I am not looking for an invitation to tour Columbus any time soon. Although a trip to Cleveland might be cool. bwahahahahahaha I kill me. But when I die I will not have my ashes put in Bevo’s (UT Longhorn bull mascot) hay so he can poop me in the South end zone of Darrel K. Royal-Memrorial Stadium in Austin. I would not mind whatsoever having my ashes scattered all over the female UT cheerleaders. Plus I’ll leave my $1.86 to the UT scholarship fund so some poor UTexas student can purchase a 1/2 price margarita at some sleazy joint on 6th street. That’s just how I roll.