I first published this story in July of last year. It was my first post to have been written on Heather’s desktop computer. My laptop died at the hands of an evil, vicious, mean, rotten and nasty Force of Nature — Bailey the 4 Year Old!
This post also gives me another shot at making fun of Cal-ee-forn-yah, which you all know will be the newest sport in the Dumbass Olympics this summer. There is one difference in the medals for the real Olympics and the Dumbass Olympics. Medals in the real Olympics are made of gold, silver and bronze. Dumbass Olympics medals will be made form old beer cans painted the appropriate color with WalMart spray paint. Yes, Dumbass, we are going all out for this year’s Dumbass Olympics. Spare no expense as Dumbasses of the world unite in the Spirit of Competition and Brotherhood!
(Dateline – Deep in the Bowels of Heather’s Keyboard) My 4 year old daughter Bailey has banished me to this foreign land. I am using my wife’s computer because Bailey loves Daddy so much she dumped a full bottle of water (16.9 oz) all over my laptop. R. I. P. Laptop. Enough said.
Speaking of chihuahuas (<—clever segue), in Altadena, California, two would-be robbers turned out to be two honest-to-goodness pussies when they tried to rob a local “smoke shop”. A “smoke shop” in California is the pseudonym for “Buy Your Bong Here” shop. The two dumbasses were thwarted in their attempted heist by a) a 12 gauge wielding store owner, b) an off duty policeman or c) a man-eating chihuahua. If you said a or b, you are a dumbass. These two pansies were scared off by a fucking dog the size of a large grapefruit! The stotre’s video surveillance system “ shows the store owner begin to place money into a backpack worn by one of the robbers while his Chihuahua starts barking loudly and forcefully at the men.
Investigators said the robbers were apparently spooked by the dog and fled the store with less money than they could have obtained from the store owner.
The video depicts the Chihuahua follow the men from the store and chase them down the street.” Really? A chihuahua? A fucking chihuahua? Will the last real man in The Land of Fruits and Nuts please stand up? Oh, wait, there are none. Forgive me for that slip of the fingers.