Category: Pablo Escobar

New Drug Smuggling Device: Breast Implants!

Illicit drugs are bad ju ju. Buying them is wasteful, using them is stoopid and selling them is criminal at best.

No matter, because selling dope is a lucrative bidness and where there’s a shit load of easy money to be made and demand for a product, illegal or not, there’s a Dumbass willing to take a chance. And when it comes to dealing in narcotics, the bad guys are lined up around the block waiting for a chance at The Big Score.

Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way

Recently, I wrote about a pair of Dumbass of the Year candidates who were busted while smuggling cocaine in their hair weaves! Not to be outdone, there was another Darwin Award-worthy numb skull who was caught shipping coke (and I don’t mean cola) inside of roasted chickens! Brilliant, but not good enough to fool the Law as evidenced by the lengthy prison sentences these dip shits are serving.

Despite the never ending set backs, dope dealers are constantly trying to figure out ways to outsmart Law Enforcement to distribute their drugs to an ever-growing clientele without getting caught.

That’s where today’s story picks up.

Breast Enhancement

A few days ago, a Panamanian Lady was arrested in Barcelona, Spain for transporting three pounds of cocaine into the country – in her tits! Ingenious! The Old Blow in the Boobs Trick!

“But, Fearless Leader”, you inquire, “what’s so unique about smuggling nose candy inside of a bra?” I did not say the Nice Panamanian Lady By Way of Bogota, Colombia had the coke hidden in her over the shoulder boulder holder, I said she had it hidden in her knockers! Literally. (Thanks, Joe Biden! Literally.)

Fake Boobs, Real Cocaine

Spanish authorities say they have arrested a Panamanian woman arriving at Barcelona airport with 3 pounds of cocaine concealed in breast implants.
The Interior Ministry said Wednesday that border police noticed fresh scars and blood-stained gauze on her chest as well as pale patches beneath her skin.
The woman said she had recently had breast implant surgery. The statement said police were suspicious and sent her to a local hospital where the implants were removed and found to contain cocaine. 

Automatic Dumbass of the Year Nomination!

This has got to be the most diabolically canny methods of drug smuggling in the History of Transporting Contraband. Whoever came up with this idea deserves the Pablo Escobar Murderous Narco-Trafficker Memorial Award for originality and the second best use of boobs ever.

While we’ve had some doozies over the course of 2012, this story leaps into contention for the coveted Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award. Could it be a double? The Pablo AND the Dummy? An award for each tit? A Booby Prize?

Time will tell.

Dumbass.

***Hat tip to Fox News***

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