Category: Pizza

Guy Steals Delivery Car, Finishes Deliveries, Goes to Jail

This past Friday political conservatives from all over the internet staged a “buycott” of Papa John’s Pizza. This was in response to political liberals’ boycott of Papa John’s because of the pizza giant’s plans to cut many full time employees’ hours to part time and to outright discharge other workers due to the looming implementation of Obamacare, or as I call it, “a big steaming pile of yak shit”.

Regardless of your position on the impending health care law, you have to admit that you have not yet heard of a single theft of a Papa John’s delivery guy’s automobile during this event. Even in Connecticut. Bipartisanship at its finest.

The same can not be said for a Chinese Food Delivery Guy in Connecticut.

GTA Gai Pan

Some poor schlub in Connecticut was going about his bidness of delivering Chinese food to the hungry folks of Hartford when he did something stoopid. The Schlub was making a delivery to Bristow Middle School. When he went inside to deliver the food, he left his car running! This was all the opportunity that Keith Hinds needed.

Keith jumped in the idling car and hauled ass. And by “hauled ass” I mean he went on to continuing to deliver the remaining orders on The Schlub’s route! He evidently intended to keep all the cash he was collecting from the deliveries.

The cops were called and the restaurant also called the remaining customers on the route notifying them about what had happened. It was then that one of the customers reported to the restaurant that his food had already been delivered! By the car thief! At this point the jig was up.

The cops easily located Hinds and put him under arrest.

Upon taking him into custody, you’ll never in a gazillion years believe what the cops found in Keith Hinds’ possession. Drugs – a joint and an anti-psychotic. Oh, yeah, and a crack pipe. Knock me over with a feather.

Election turmoil with possible voter fraud, the death of Twinkies and now this.

Our country is doomed.

Dumbasses.

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Mice-a-Roni! The Upper Darby, PA Treat!

It’s refreshing to know that the spirit of competition is alive and well in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. Well, it’s not exactly the spirit of competition, it’s more like the spirit of sabotage. But, you can see how I could mistake one for the other. Speaking of sabotage…

This dumbass guy named Nik is a pizza joint owner and he had a great marketing idea that would crush the competition. Nik’s idea involved live mice and this other pizza restaurant down the street. You can see where I am going with this. Here’s a bit of the story from UPI, “Nik came into Verona Pizza while two officers were dining Monday and asked to use the restroom. The owner of the restaurant soon found footprints on a toilet seat and the officers looked inside the ceiling and discovered a bag containing several live mice.” the cops had enough evidence to nail Nik, so they did. one of Upper Darby’s Finest shared this with us, “We have never had anything like this, where mice have been used as an instrument of crime,” the Philadelphia Inquirer quoted the cop spokesguy as saying. “This is food terrorism by mice,” he said. What a dumbass. I don’t if I mean Nik is the dumbass or the cop spokesfuzz dude. But, I digress.

As if we didn’t have enough trouble already, now we got to worry about some guy named Adbul carrying a load of suicide mice in his back pack or briefcase. At the point I have a question. How on Earth can the bad guys get those little bitty suicide bomb belts on the mice? Could somebody help a bruthah out on this? Inquiring dumbasses want to know. Let’s see, where were we? Oh, yeah. Nik the dumbass was busted for putting a bag full of live mice in the ceiling of his pizza joint competitor down the street. One of the charges Nik faces is “This is food terrorism by mice”.
So, once again some dumbass American invents a new way to become a bigger dumbass. If it wasn’t so damn funny, it would be pitiful. But, hey, we prey on the pitiful here at Dumbass News, so the more dumbasses, the better for us. Bring us your downtrodden, your poor, your hungry, your dumbasses and we’ll be more than happy to berate and belittle them like the scuz they are. Having been downtrodden, poor, hungry and a dumbass at one point or another in my life, I have earned the right to make fun of anybody, anywhere except my Mama. So show me a list of rich ambulance-chasin’ Attorneys at Law, I’ll make fun of those bastards, too. I am an equal opportunity insulter. That’s the second time I have digressed in this one post. I gotta watch out for that. And mice. I gotta watch out for mice.

Dumbass.

Mice-a-Roni, The Pennsylvania Treat!

It’s refreshing to know that the spirit of competition is alive and well in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. Well, it’s not exactly the spirit of competition, it’s more like the spirit of sabotage. But, you can see how I could mistake one for the other. Speaking of sabotage…

This dumbass guy named Nik is a pizza joint owner and he had a great marketing idea that would crush the competition. Nik’s idea involved live mice and this other pizza restaurant down the street. You can see where I am going with this. Here’s a bit of the story from UPI, “Nik came into Verona Pizza while two officers were dining Monday and asked to use the restroom. The owner of the restaurant soon found footprints on a toilet seat and the officers looked inside the ceiling and discovered a bag containing several live mice.” the cops had enough evidence to nail Nik, so they did. one of Upper Darby’s Finest shared this with us, “We have never had anything like this, where mice have been used as an instrument of crime,” the Philadelphia Inquirer quoted the cop spokesguy as saying. “This is food terrorism by mice,” he said. What a dumbass. I don’t if I mean Nik is the dumbass or the cop spokesfuzz dude. But, I digress.

As if we didn’t have enough trouble already, now we got to worry about some guy named Adbul carrying a load of suicide mice in his back pack or briefcase. At the point I have a question. How on Earth can the bad guys get those little bitty suicide bomb belts on the mice? Could somebody help a bruthah out on this? Inquiring dumbasses want to know. Let’s see, where were we? Oh, yeah. Nik the dumbass was busted for putting a bag full of live mice in the ceiling of his pizza joint competitor down the street. One of the charges Nik faces is “This is food terrorism by mice”. Dumbass.

So, once again some dumbass American invents a new way to become a bigger dumbass. If it wasn’t so damn funny, it would be pitiful. But, hey, we prey on the pitiful here at Dumbass News, so the more dumbasses, the better for us. Bring us your downtrodden, your poor, your hungry, your dumbasses and we’ll be more than happy to berate and belittle them like the scuz they are. Having been downtrodden, poor, hungry and a dumbass at one point or another in my life, I have earned the right to make fun of anybody, anywhere except my Mama. So show me a list of rich ambulance-chasin’ Attorneys at Law, I’ll amke fun of those bastards, too. I am an equal opportunity insulter. That’s the second time I have digressed in this one post. I gotta watch out for that. And mice. I gotta watch out for mice. Dumbass.

Dumbass Health Department Guy Almost Ruins Man’s Business

Boy, this is getting to be fun! What is getting to be fun? What’s getting to be fun is city governments doing dumbass things to innocent people. Let me re-phrase that. It’s getting to be fun if you’re not one of the innocent citizens who are being put through hell by an incompetent city officials. Allow me to elucidate, if you please.

This guy named Kenny owns a pizza joint in Fairfield County, Ohio. Our hard-working pizza joint entrepreneur shows up for work one day only to find a “Closed” sign on his business door. It was from the dumbasses at the County Health Department saying that Kenny’s place was shut down due to the fact that Kenny was delinquent in paying his license fee (that means tax, folks). Problem numero uno: Kenny was not behind in paying his tax! Problema numero two-o: A “Closed” sign put on your restaurant door by the dumbasses at the Health Department is the death knell for your business. Brother Kenny was not happy about this. As a result of this “mistake” (mistake! bwahahahahahahahaha that’s a good one! hahahahahaha)…Now that I have quit laughing my ass off, I’ll continue. As a result of this incompetence “mistake”, Kenny’s business for the weekend was down almost 70 %! 

The administrator at the Health Department, Larry Hanna, said, “We have apologized profusely.” I’m sure Kenny feels the love in that dumbass statement. My question to Mr. Hanna is, What about the money Kenny lost because some illiterate dumbass put the sticker on the wrong business, asshole? You guys gonna make up for that???!!! Hell no, you’re not, you bumbling dumbass! Oh, it gets better. Hanna had more reassuring words for Kenny and other businesspeople in Fairfield County. Check out this shit. Hanna said he has developed a policy to prevent the mistake from reoccurring. I’ve got a question for you, Lar ole Buddy. Why the fuck was this policy not in effect in the first place? Dumbass. I understand that mistakes happen, but that’s not the problem here. The problem is that the Fairfield County Health Department mistakenly put this “Closed” sign on Kenny’s pizza parlor, and he ended up taking a financial bath because of it. When any government agency is required to do something that takes away a man’s income, you had damn well better make sure that you have the right fucking business, dumbass!

I know we have many readers of this blog in the Columbus, Ohio area and I’d like to ask a favor of you. Sometime in the near future, please order a pizza from Kenny at Papa Foti Pizza in Millersports. Kenny is located near Buckeye Lake and is abot 30 miles east of Columbus, so it would be a nice, relaxing drive out to see Kenny and show him some support in wake of his travails with the Health Department dumbasses in Fairfield County. Look here. I’ll do you a soild and even link to Kenny’s website and to Mapquest, so it’ll be easy for you to get there or know what you want to order for delivery if you live inj Papa Foti Pizza’s delivery area. I’ve done all the work for you, so there’s no excuse to not help Kenny out when you get a chance. One more thing…please tell Kenny that the dumbasses here at the blog wish him well and if he needs our help in ridiculing or exposing the dumbasses he’s been dealing with, to please drop me an email at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. Thanks a million!

Kick ass and take names, Kenny! The Dumbass Army is behind you !!!

Hello, Dumbass Pizza? I’d like a Large Pepperoni and Mouse Pizza Delivered

Terrorist?

It’s refreshing to know that the spirit of competition is alive and well in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania. Well, it’s not exactly the spirit of competition, it’s more like the spirit of sabotage. But, you can see how I could mistake one for the other. Speaking of sabotage…

This dumbass guy named Nik is a pizza joint owner and he had a great marketing idea that would crush the competition. Nik’s idea involved live mice and this other pizza restaurant down the street. You can see where I am going with this. Here’s a bit of the story from UPI, “Nik came into Verona Pizza while two officers were dining Monday and asked to use the restroom. The owner of the restaurant soon found footprints on a toilet seat and the officers looked inside the ceiling and discovered a bag containing several live mice.” the cops had enough evidence to nail Nik, so they did. one of Upper Darby’s Finest shared this with us, “We have never had anything like this, where mice have been used as an instrument of crime,” the Philadelphia Inquirer quoted the cop spokesguy as saying. “This is food terrorism by mice,” he said. What a dumbass. I don’t if I mean Nik is the dumbass or the cop spokesfuzz dude. But, I digress.

As if we didn’t have enough trouble already, now we got to worry about some guy named Adbul carrying a load of suicide mice in his back pack or briefcase. At the point I have a question. How on Earth can the bad guys get those little bitty suicide bomb belts on the mice? Could somebody help a bruthah out on this? Inquiring dumbasses want to know. Let’s see, where were we? Oh, yeah. Nik the dumbass was busted for putting a bag full of live mice in the ceiling of his pizza joint competitor down the street. One of the charges Nik faces is “This is food terrorism by mice”. Dumbass.

So, once again some dumbass American invents a new way to become a bigger dumbass. If it wasn’t so damn funny, it would be pitiful. But, hey, we prey on the pitiful here at Dumbass News, so the more dumbasses, the better for us. Bring us your downtrodden, your poor, your hungry, your dumbasses and we’ll be more than happy to berate and belittle them like the scuz they are. Having been downtrodden, poor, hungry and a dumbass at one point or another in my life, I have earned the right to make fun of anybody, anywhere except my Mama. So show me a list of rich ambulance-chasin’ Attorneys at Law, I’ll amke fun of those bastards, too. I am an equal opportunity insulter. That’s the second time I have digressed in this one post. I gotta watch out for that. And mice. I gotta watch out for mice. Dumbass.