Knockoff merchandise is big bidness.
What is “knockoff merchandise”? I guess I should splain. Sometimes I forget that Dumbasses in 156 countries around the world read this
shit most edifying of content. So, for all Dumbass News readers in locations whose first language is not English, like Dearborn, Meechigan, (Aloha Snack Bar!) or London, “knockoff merchandise” simply means “cheap fake stuff that looks like the real, more expensive original merchandise”. For example, some unscrupulous asshat might be selling a hand bag that resembles the very expensive “Coach” brand bag, but it is inferior in quality and workmanship to the original. Knockoff merchandise also carries a name extremely similar to the real thing. In this case the fake stuff may be labeled “Couch” instead “Coach”.
Knockoff Cash Flow
Some Dumbasses take the Old Make Fake Shit That Looks Like the Real Thing Trick a step too far. This group of idjits specializes in making counterfeit United States currency. This is not a particularly good idea. This is what is often referred to as a “felony”. Uncle Sam is not amused at such antics.
We have written about this subject at least a couple of times before. Earl Devine of Lafayette, Indiana made some very realistic $100 bills, except for one minor detail. He put the face of Abraham Lincoln on them! Even the most ignant of Dumbasses knows that the face on $100 bills is that of Paul Revere!
A Dumbass in Gainesville, Florida also thought it was a good idea to manufacture his own money with a cheap ass computer printer. Not so. See: Prison, Federal.
As stoopid as these two jack wagons were, they are a few steps farther up the ole Evolutionary Ladder than Jarad S. Carr of Wisconsin.
The Story of Jarad (and I don’t mean the Subway Guy)
Jarad’s story isn’t really that much different than the two aforementioned Dumbasses, but there is one detail of his saga that sets it apart from all other stories about shit weasels that produce Funny Money.
You see, Jarad also had a cheap ass printer that he used to make phoney money. Problem was that Jarad didn’t like the quality of the cash that the printer put out. So, he did what any Dumber Than a Box of Hammers Dumbass would do. He took the printer back to WalMart to exchange it.
This is where the story picks up steam.
Gawker fills us in, Jarad S. Carr was arrested last week after an altercation at a Walmart returns desk when he tried to return his printer—presumably because it was not good at printing money—without a receipt. Had he left it there, things might have been OK, but he pushed the matter…
Points of Order
- Loudly arguing with a WalMart Customer Service desk person about returning an item you bought from their store is simply stoopid. He/she is the one who actually determines whether or not your item will be exchanged or refunded!
- It is an even worse idea to return an item that is not in original condition. And by “original condition” I mean that you left a sheet of counterfeit $100 bills still in the printer tray!
- The Big House beckons.
- Prison butt sex.
- Don’t drop the soap.
***Photo Heisted from Gawker***