Category: Psychic

Dwarf Tossing, Door-to-Door Breast Exams & More!

Best of Dumbass from October 15, 2011

This week’s outstanding Dumbass News stories are among the weirdest we have ever seen on these pages. Frakkin’ hilarious stuff. This is going to make the race for “Dumbass of the Year, 2011” is a tough one to call at this point, but I do have some ideas for the finalists for the award. It’s a good thing I do because as I look at the calendar it’s the middle of October already so the end of the year is really not that far off. I am thinking about running a series of polls to where you can have some input into the “Dumbass of the Year” award process. I am leaning towards a tournament type series of polls where your votes will determine who moves on in the selection process. I just don’t really know yet. If you have any ideas I’d love to hear from you. This is your blog, I am just the dipshit who’s dumbass enough to actually put his name on it. Leave a comment with your ideas in the comment section or shoot me an email at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. Now onto The Dumbass News Week in Review! 

  • Dumbass Psychic – Not only does this dumb bitch expose herself as a charlatan, fraud, extortionist, she jumps way up the ladder in the “Dumbass of the Year” rankings. Sad and funny as hell at the same time.
  • What do Dwarf Tossing and the Constitution of the United States have in common? A lot more than you’d think. It takes a true genius of a dumbass like me to actually make sense of it all. read on and you’ll agree. I promise.
  • Door to Door Breast Exams – This story features one of the most ingenious dumbasses in the history of Dumbassery. You have got to read it to believe it. I didn’t make any of this stuff up. Pinky swear.

Remember to let me know if you have any “Dumbass of the Year” nominations or story ideas by emailing me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. To refresh your memory on your favorite dumbass, browse the blog archives and submit it to the email address <—–back there. If you are a newer reader the archives are a great place to catch up on some of weird news that happens every day somewhere in Dumbass-ville.

Adios.

Dumbasses.

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Dumbass Psychic Should Have Seen This Coming

Best of Dumbass News

Psychics. 99% of the American public knows that 99% of the “psychics” in this country are “psychic” in one way only. They know that there are plenty of weak-minded dumbasses out there who will fork over good money for a “psychic” reading, hoping against hope for some miracle in their lives. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in paranormal stuff, but I am not so quick to call Miss Cleo or one of her dumbass minions. But, again, some people put great faith in any old Miss Cleo, Sister Dora or Princess Jasmine and their “psychic” abilities, proving that many Americans are in fact weak minded dumbasses. Besides, you can buy a lot of beer and pizza with the amount of money you spend on one solitary “psychic” reading.

There’s a Rip Off in Your Future

If grown people want and feel the need to throw some of their hard earned cash on magic dog poop, a fart reader (like reading tea leaves except they read farts) or a “psychic”, I don’t give a shit. But when one of the charlatans takes advantage of a kid, they cross the line into “I need my ass kicked real bad” territory. Read on and you’ll see what I mean.

There’s this asswipe psychic in California (!) that was giving readings to a 12 year old girl !!! What. The. Fuck. That statement right there is a major red flag for me, but that’s just how I roll. Anyway, this boil on the ass of humanity psychic was telling this child that there was a terrible curse on her family and the only way to remove was to bring her parents jewelry to her (the psychic). So the kid did that. Several times. You can see where this is going. And it ain’t to Cash for Gold. The girls’ parents eventually caught on as to what was happening and called the cops. The cops did their duty and arrested this stoopid bitch and put her exactly where she belonged…in the fucking County Hilton, where she will have the joyous time of learning first hand what those Women Prisoners in Chains movies are all about. Enjoy the broom handle game, bitch. You so deserve it. Oh, yeah she was charged with fraud and extortion, so she’ll have a long, eventful career as a prison bitch. It couldn’t happen to a nicer dumbass.

A quick note to our “psychic” friend and future Cinemax After Dark star. You should have seen this coming.

Dumbass.

Boobs & Dwarf Tossing!

Best of Dumbass News

This week’s outstanding Dumbass News stories are among the weirdest we have ever seen on these pages. Frakkin’ hilarious stuff. This is going to make the race for “Dumbass of the Year, 2011” is a tough one to call at this point, but I do have some ideas for the finalists for the award. It’s a good thing I do because as I look at the calendar it’s the middle of October already so the end of the year is really not that far off. I am thinking about running a series of polls to where you can have some input into the “Dumbass of the Year” award process. I am leaning towards a tournament type series of polls where your votes will determine who moves on in the selection process. I just don’t really know yet. If you have any ideas I’d love to hear from you. This is your blog, I am just the dipshit who’s dumbass enough to actually put his name on it. Leave a comment with your ideas in the comment section or shoot me an email at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. Now onto The Dumbass News Week in Review! 

  • Dumbass Psychic – Not only does this dumb bitch expose herself as a charlatan, fraud, extortionist, she jumps way up the ladder in the “Dumbass of the Year” rankings. Sad and funny as hell at the same time.
  • What do Dwarf Tossing and the Constitution of the United States have in common? A lot more than you’d think. It takes a true genius of a dumbass like me to actually make sense of it all. read on and you’ll agree. I promise.
  • Door to Door Breast Exams – This story features one of the most ingenious dumbasses in the history of Dumbassery. You have got to read it to believe it. I didn’t make any of this stuff up. Pinky swear.

Remember to let me know if you have any “Dumbass of the Year” nominations or story ideas by emailing me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. To refresh your memory on your favorite dumbass, browse the blog archives and submit it to the email address <—–back there. If you are a newer reader the archives are a great place to catch up on some of weird news that happens every day somewhere in Dumbass-ville.

Adios.

Dumbasses.

Dumbass Psychic, Dwarf Tossing & Door-to-Door Boob Exams

Best of Dumbass from October 15, 2011

This week’s outstanding Dumbass News stories are among the weirdest we have ever seen on these pages. frakkin’ hilarious stuff. This is going to make the race for “Dumbass of the Year, 2011” is a tough one to call at this point, but I do have some ideas for the finalists for the award. It’s a good thing I do because as I look at the calendar it’s the middle of October already so the end of the year is really not that far off. I am thinking about running a series of polls to where you can have some input into the “Dumbass of the Year” award process. I am leaning towards a tournament type series of polls where your votes will determine who moves on in the selection process. I just don’t really know yet. If you have any ideas I’d love to hear from you. This is your blog, I am just the dipshit who’s dumbass enough to actually put his name on it. Leave a comment with your ideas in the comment section or shoot me an email at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. Now onto The Dumbass News Week in Review! 

  • Dumbass Psychic – Not only does this dumb bitch expose herself as a charlatan, fraud, extortionist, she jumps way up the ladder in the “Dumbass of the Year” rankings. Sad and funny as hell at the same time.
  • What do Dwarf Tossing and the Constitution of the United States have in common? A lot more than you’d think. It takes a true genius of a dumbass like me to actually make sense of it all. read on and you’ll agree. I promise.
  • Door to Door Breast Exams – This story features one of the most ingenious dumbasses in the history of Dumbassery. You have got to read it to believe it. I didn’t make any of this stuff up. Pinky swear.

Remember to let me know if you have any “Dumbass of the Year” nominations or story ideas by emailing me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. To refresh your memory on your favorite dumbass, browse the blog archives and submit it to the email address <—–back there. If you are a newer reader the archives are a great place to catch up on some of weird news that happens every day somewhere in Dumbass-ville.

Adios.

Dumbasses.

Christmas and Kids: A Dumbass Primer

The Dummy Award

T minus 15 days til you-know-what and I can feel the tension and despair setting in in Dumbassville. As your Fearless Leader Head Dumbass and Mayor of  the Big D, I urge patience and calm during the next couple of weeks. Chaos and anarchy will not stand in Dumbassville! I say to you, fellow Dumbassvillains, look forward to the smiles that will practically be painted on children’s faces. And that’s exactly what we do here at the Dumbass Dome. We paint a smile on our kids’ faces because they, like all kids, are ungrateful little fuckers so happy to get all the loot they do. I mean who wouldn’t be? I’d shit my pants if some fat guy in a red suit left me a new Corvette on Christmas Eve.

Final Thoughts
In closing let me say, love your children now for they grow up not fast enough too fast. Thank God! When my young ones (9 & 4) reach the age of eighteen, their now legally-an-adult asses are gone! By the time that happens I’ll be 65 years old and it’s only right that they start buyin’ shit for me! Like a new HoverRound I can take to the Grand Canyon like those two old bitties in the TV commercial. After all, I am leaving them a legacy few Fathers can pass on to their kids. The Legacy of Dumbnass.

Merry Christmas….I gottta go shopping.

Dumbasses.

Here’s some crap for you to read for today. That is if you can read. I don’t put up pretty pictures. So put your Public School Education to use. Your parents paid good money (taxes) for you to grow up to be a Dumbass.

That’s quite a collection of Dumbass Literary Masterpieces for your reading pleasure, but it is an honor, nay, my duty(!), to use the prose of Shakespeare, the drama of Hitchcock and mental illness to make you aware of what’s going on in this cold, cruel world.

Adios.

Dumbasses.

    Psycics, Midgets and Boobies, Oh My!

    Your Guaranteed Right to be a Dumbass Lives Here

    This week’s outstanding Dumbass News stories are among the weirdest we have ever seen on these pages. frakkin’ hilarious stuff. This is going to make the race for “Dumbass of the Year, 2011” is a tough one to call at this point, but I do have some ideas for the finalists for the award. It’s a good thing I do because as I look at the calendar it’s the middle of October already so the end of the year is really not that far off. I am thinking about running a series of polls to where you can have some input into the “Dumbass of the Year” award process. I am leaning towards a tournament type series of polls where your votes will determine who moves on in the selection process. I just don’t really know yet. If you have any ideas I’d love to hear from you. This is your blog, I am just the dipshit who’s dumbass enough to actually put his name on it. Leave a comment with your ideas in the comment section or shoot me an email at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. Now onto The Dumbass News Week in Review! 

    • Dumbass Psychic – Not only does this dumb bitch expose herself as a charlatan, fraud, extortionist, she jumps way up the ladder in the “Dumbass of the Year” rankings. Sad and funny as hell at the same time.
    • What do Dwarf Tossing and the Constitution of the United States have in common? A lot more than you’d think. It takes a true genius of a dumbass like me to actually make sense of it all. read on and you’ll agree. I promise.
    • Door to Door Breast Exams – This story features one of the most ingenious dumbasses in the history of Dumbassery. You have got to read it to believe it. I didn’t make any of this stuff up. Pinky swear.

    Remember to let me know if you have any ‘Dumbass of the Year” nominations or story ideas by emailing me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. To refresh your memory on your favorite dumbass, browse the blog archives and submit it to the email address <—–back there. If you are a newer reader the archives are a great place to catch up on some of weird news that happens every day somewhere in Dumbass-ville. See y’all soon!

    Adios,
    Toby
    Head Dumbass

    Dumbass Psychic Should Have Seen this Coming

    A Rip Off is in Your Future

    Psychics. 99% of the American public knows that 99% of the “psychics” in this country are “psychic” in one way only. They know that there are plenty of weak-minded dumbasses out there who will fork over good money for a “psychic” reading, hoping against hope for some miracle in their lives. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in paranormal stuff, but I am not so quick to call Miss Cleo or one of her dumbass minions. But, again, some people put great faith in any old Miss Cleo, Sister Dora or Princess Jasmine and their “psychic” abilities, proving that many Americans are in fact weak minded dumbasses. Besides, you can buy a lot of beer and pizza with the amount of money you spend on one solitary “psychic” reading.

    If grown people want and feel the need to throw some of their hard earned cash on magic dog poop, a fart reader (like reading tea leaves except they read farts) or a “psychic”, I don’t give a shit. But when one of the charlatans takes advantage of a kid, they cross the line into “I need my ass kicked real bad” territory. Read on and you’ll see what I mean.

    There’s this asswipe psychic in California (!) that was giving readings to a 12 year old girl !!! What. The. Fuck. That statement right there is a major red flag for me, but that’s just how I roll. Anyway, this boil on the ass of humanity psychic was telling this child that there was a terrible curse on her family and the only way to remove was to bring her parents jewelry to her (the psychic). So the kid did that. Several times. You can see where this is going. And it ain’t to Cash for Gold. The girls’ parents eventually caught on as to what was happening and called the cops. The cops did their duty and arrested this stoopid bitch and put her exactly where she belonged…in the fucking County Hilton, where she will have the joyous time of learning first hand what those Women Prisoners in Chains movies are all about. Enjoy the broom handle game, bitch. You so deserve it. Oh, yeah she was charged with fraud and extortion, so she’ll have a long, eventful career as a prison bitch. It couldn’t happen to a nicer dumbass.

    A quick note to our “psychic” friend and future Cinemax After Dark star. You should have seen this coming.

    Dumbass.