Category: Queens

Mom is Buried Where?

Now where is Mom again?

What’s up with all the dead people stories lately, Toby? Let me splain.

How would you like it if one of your loved ones died and was buried in what was supposed to be his/her final resting place only to find out later, twenty years later, that someone else was interred in that spot? Personally I’d find the Head Guy In Charge of Burying Dead People at the cemetery, chew his ass up one side and down the other, show him the error in his ways, then contact the most notorious ambulance-chasin’ lawyer with the worst TV commercial on the air and sue the shit outta the cemetery. But that’s just me.

And two sisters in Queens, NY. The above-mentioned situation actually happened to these poor women. They had been paying homage to their long-dead mother when they found out she was buried in the wrong place, not the plot they had bought years earlier. Now the women (sisters) are real pissed off . How PO’ed? Po’ed to the tune of $25 million. That’s  pretty damned mad. Who can blame them? Fucking up your Mom’s grave site location can be a very traumatic experience for the bereaved. Come to think of it, it ain’t no walk in the park for the Head Guy In Charge of Burying People at the graveyard either. He could be out $25 million. Put that in your urn and smoke it.

Dumbass.

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Convicted Robber Kevin Cheeks Has a New Prison Name: Sweet Cheeks

Dumbass Crook Locator

What’s with all the dumbass criminals today? I mean it seems like we never hear of bad guys that at least have an IQ above that of a steaming pile of dog poop. maybe that’s why so many crooks are called “shit for brains”, I don’t know. So many of the dumbasses we hear about today are the ones whose sisters and brothers are also their aunts, uncles, and cousins rolled into one. I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

One would think that even the most dumbass of dumbasses would know that technology today is some how going to record your every damn move, especially when you commit a crime. Why in the hell do you think that the security Room at your local WalMart looks like NORAD in there? These businesses are serious about this shit. Shinki’s Nail Salon in Queens,NY is no exception. Shinki’s doesn’t have all the latest surveillance equipment, but they do have a small security camera, which I presume made it an easy target for a dumbass crook like Kevin Cheeks. Cheeks robbed the place and thought he had it made when he jumped in the owner’s van, stole it and went about his merry way. This is where technology comes into this story. The van had a GPS unit in it! Kevin’s freedom was about to become a short-lived thing. Cops used the van’s GPS to follow Cheeks all around NYC until they caught up with him and busted his sorry, criminal dumb ass. Kevin’s “reward” for robbing four people of their valuables and Shinki’s of $300 cash was to be found guilty by a jury of his peers in less than two hours. Now Kevin’s little excursion into the life of crime will cost him up to twenty years in prison.

Kevin, however, will never be lonely as our favorite inmate Leon “Hung Like a Horse” Williams has been notified of Mr. Cheeks’ impending arrival at prison. Leon is very excited to have some what he calls “fresh meat”, that he has a cute new nickname for Kevin when he finally gets to the Big House. Sweet Cheeks. Not Kevin Cheeks anymore. Sweet Cheeks.  Sweet Cheeks, you are for the next twenty years Leon’s little play pretty. Have a nice day! Dumbass.