Category: Red Sox

Get Filthy Rich by Hypnotizing Dumbasses!

Best of Dumbass News

Boston. Beantown. At Least We Ain’t New Yawk, But We Wish We Had That Many World Series Championships. Whatever you want to call it, Boston is a city that is as full of American history and tradition as any city in the country. Paul Revere, the Red Sawx, the Boston Tea Party and really exceptional Dumbasses – all part of Boston, baby.

For Example…

Chicanery in Chinatown

A 57 year old woman was in Boston’s Chinatown doing a little grocery shopping when she was approached by three women. The women began asking the lady questions and after several minutes, one of the trio handed the shopper a plastic bag. They then instructed her to go home, fill the bag with a shit load of loot and meet them later at Boston Commons.

She did. The lady filled the bag with a valuable necklace, a jade bracelet, her passport and $160,000 in cash! The Nice Lady then proceeded to the Commons where she willfully handed over her life savings to the three con women. The Nice Lady is a Dumbass.

I feel the need to jump in here and make a point or two.

Point 1) I may be in the monority, but if three strange Asian women were to instruct me to go home and cram a couple of hundred large worth of cash and jewelry into a Wal Mart bag, I’d have a tendency to become a bit suspicious. That’s just how I roll.

Point 2) IF I ever reach a point in my life where my mental condition deteriorates to the point that I would even consider doing something so blatantly STOOPID, I hereby authorize anyone reading this post to promptly and mercifully put a .45 hollowpoint into my skull. I thank you in advance.

Keep Your Eyes on the Shiny Object

This same kind of crime has happened twice since the one above and all of the sudden the (I am not making the name of this organization up) Chinese Progressive Association (Commies?) has alerted its members “to remain vigilant when approached by strangers”. That’s odd, I tell my 5 year old daughter the same thing. The difference is that she seems to get it.

The dumbass that heads up the Commies, I mean Chinese Progressive Association, says that he believes the victim was hypnotizedf by the three scammers. He backs this up with the solid evidence that his mother told him of thieves using hypnosis on their victims in his native Hong Kong. (No relation to King Kong or Donkey Kong)

That settles that! I gotta find me a How-to book on this Hypnotizing Dumbasses into Willingly Handing Over to Me Hundreds of Thousands of Dollars in Cash and Jewelry stuff. Then, I am moving to Boston. Chinatown specifically. Supply and demand. Beantown supplies the Dumbasses and the Dumbasses supply me – with millions of dollars!

Put. Me. In. Coach!

Other Etnic Groups

I see a potential trend here. If this kind of shit can be pulled on Asians, why not open up a market for Meskins, Eye-talians or Micks? Boston is a multi-cultural city after all. And I do not discriminate against any group. I don’t care if you are the Mayor of Boston, if a person is a Dumbass (and from what I hear, the current mayor of Boston, Thomas “Mumbles” Menino is a Dumbass {and a Commie}) the person is a target, baby. And I aim to please.

America! What a country!



East Coast Sports Writers – Arrogant, Clueless and All Around Dumbasses

World Series to Be Played Here

Today is Sunday and I normally don’t write a new story on the Lord’s day, but today I am making an exception. I am making an exception so I can blast a bunch of biased Yankee know-it-all pussies. I am not here to impugn the entire populace living north of the Mason-Dixon, just a select few, namely the East Coast Liberal Pussy Sportswriter. I won’t name names but if you read any East Coast newspaper’s sports section or cruise the intertubes on and other sports sites, you know who I am talking about. Two words for these dickless wonders. Make that three words – ha fucking ha! These professional “journalists” have their heads planted so far the asses of the New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox and the Philadelphia Phillies, they haven’t seen the sunshine since just before Spring Training last February. Buncha asswipes. They look on paper at the big names on those three rosters and you’d think Jesus and His 12 Disciples had started a baseball team, especially the Phillies this year. What these gas bags don’t see is team chemistry, team work, team sacrifice and a group of men who genuinely care about each other and are willing to working as hard and as together as possible to reach the Ultimate Goal of the World Series. You can’t find those qualities on paper, you  find them in the hearts of men who are willing to exercise them in order to succeed. What you also don’t see is the Yankees, Red Sox or Phillies with all their money used trying to buy a Championship rather than a a group of men like I mentioned a moment ago, in the World Series. They are all sitting at home in their castles while the Serfs of the league play in the Big Show. The serfs being the Texas Rangers. You know, the Two-Time Defending American League Champions? The 25 Men that make up the Rangers’ roster are the men to whom I referred to earlier (…team chemistry, team work, team sacrifice and a group of men who genuinely care about each other and are willing to working as hard and as together as possible to reach the Ultimate Goal of the World Series). Those men.

So all you Yankees, Red Sox and Phillies fans ( the sports writers), enjoy your Nathan’s Hot Dogs, baked beans and Cheese Steaks while Rangers fans swig down cold beer, gorge themselves on ball park nachos and soak up the wildness that is the World Series. We’ll miss you in the Indian Summer of a Texas October while our guys fight like hell to bring a World Championship to the MetroPlex. I made that up. We won’t miss the High and Mighty Overlord Scribes of the National Pasttime. Keep your Yankee, Liberal, Punk Asses at home on the Eastern Seaboard. We don’t want you here. We don’t need you here. And most of all, you don’t belong here. You can look over your stat sheets and all that shit, watch the games on TV and while you’re at it – kiss my Redneck ass.

Have a nice October.