|On Your Mark, Get Set….|
One of my favorite things about blogging is that I get to tweak Liberals and do-gooders like Rush Limbaugh tweaks Democrats. You see, leftists have no sense of humor and think that they know what’s better for you than you do for yourself, high and mighty sanctimonious dickweeds that they are. And The Lord’s Day is as good a time as any to pester the bejeebers outta them. They are already in a snit because so many of you are going to Church today. Liberals hate Church, so their panties are already in major knot. So, let’s ramp it up a notch and get them fuming about something else while we’re at it.
Enter dwarf tossing!
It’s times like these that make me proud to be an American. Last night we had a Republican Presidential Candidate debate in my next door neighbor, New Hampshire. Democracy in action, with each candidate sharing his views on various matters to the citizens of this great land. Just like the Founding Fathers envisioned. One of the major objectives of the Founders was that government remain limited in its role in the American peoples’ lives. I am for that. The government should be really good at three things…Guarding our borders against all enemies, killing bad guys swiftly and efficiently while turning the hell holes they live in into nice parking lots and leaving me the hell alone! And believe it or not a State rep in Florida gets the idea of small government! Let me splain.
Representative Ritch Workman of Melbourne has introduced a bill to the state legislature that repeals a twenty-two year old ban on dwarf tossing! Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! we used to do something similar when I was a younger man back home in Texas. We’d throw horse shoes – with the horse still in them! It was a tough go but we managed until we got too drunk and/or stoned at which time we’d throw women. The women loved it! The chicks were drunk an/or stoned also, so it was in the name of fun and togetherness. Besides, the women folk knew if they played that they would “get some” later. OK, I made that stuff up, except for the drunk and/or stoned part.
Back to the midgets. Rep. Workman does not endorse nor condone tossing Little People, but he says that it is every American Midget’s God-given right to be passed around like a good one-hitter amid a sea of drunk dumbasses if he or she chooses to do so. I agree. This is America dammit and each and every one of her 310,000,000 residents has the Constitutional Right to be the best and brightest at his/her chosen field of endeavor. That same right applies to dumbasses too! Stoopid people, homeless people and midgets are guaranteed by the United States Constitution to be the biggest and best dumbass he or she can possibly be! Can I get an amen from the Readership?
Needless to say that the Little People of America is not exactly enthused by this situation. The Head Midget says that dwarfs who worked at being tossed about were alcoholics and had bad self-esteem. No shit, dumbass! Still, cry me a fucking river. Or since you are a Little Person Dumbass, cry me a creek, asswipe. Look, I don’t give a shit about Dwarf Tossing. If a Little Man wants to do that stoopid and demeaning shit, more power to him. It’s NOT about the dehumanizing of midgets being thrown around like rags dolls, it’s about The Right to Be Stoopid as put forth and guaran-fucking-teed by the document that is the very foundation of this country! So relax and puff on a fattie, Little People. “Normal” sized folks do stoopid shit that dwarf (pun intended) Dwarf Tossing all the time. Hideous, vile, destructive, thoughtless things. Like vote for Democrats.
|Not at Georgetown|
The subject of today’s post is a week or so old, but it still has legs with the State-run Media like CBS, NBC ABC, etc., so I thought it would present to me a great opportunity to trash a Godless Commie Whore. And so I shall.
Here’s What I Know
Some lady who likes to play “Hide the Weenie in My You-Know-What” recently testified before some dumbass Congressional committee espousing the idea that the US Gubmint, meaning you and me, should force businesses to cover wimmin’s birth control pills (or IUD, whatever) in their health insurance policies. This is a swell idea because such a law would involve gubmint intervention into the private lives of millions of wimmin. After all, the feds have a golden touch when dealing with everything they oversee, right? The previous two sentences are loaded with what we right wing Fearless Leaders call “sarcasm”. But, that’s exactly what this woman wants to happen. Why, you ask? Like my Right Wing Robot Master and Thought Controller Rush Limbaugh said, the bitch (my word, not Rush’s) is a slut. But that’s not the real problem.
The Real Problem
This whore is a college student. OK, so there are lots of college girls that are floozies, but that’s still not the problem. The woman in question, though, is a 30 year old college student at a Catholic university! So, this dumbass ho wants Georgetown U to, essentially, endorse her living her life as a cum dumpster by providing to her with no cost birth control pills. For those of you who may not know, artificial contraception is a BIG no-no according to Catholic Doctrine. This is the real problem. Needless to say, the Head Padre at GU was not amused. On top of this Cardinal (no pun intended) insult, Georgetown is a PRIVATE school! In many aspects of GU life, the university is bound by Catholic Law to do things a particular way. If The Slut wants them to deviate from Canon Law just so she can screw every man on campus and be provided her birth control device/medication to prevent the creation of a human life, she’s really screwed. And she won’t get kissed either.
The Way It Is
This whole argument isn’t really about some broad that wants to pork some schmoe every waking moment of her life, it’s about freedom. The freedom from the Federal Gubmint to force a private organization to kow tow to a policy that directly contradicts 2000 years of Church Law. It. Ain’t. Gonna. Happen. Therefore, if Ms. “I Spread My Legs Like Kids Spread Peanut Butter” wants to get laid and not get pregnant, she can do it on her own damn dime. Better yet, quit fucking and maybe go to Mass once in a while. It might do you good. See: Magdalene, Mary.
For clarity, I am a Roman Catholic.
The Slut is a Godless Commie Hooker.
And a Dumbass.