Category: Salem

Lizzie Borden Took an Axe….

Lizzie Borden

I’m sure that you know the story of Lizzie Borden. For those of you who are not familiar with the story, it goes something like this: In 1892, a man and his wife were brutally murdered by someone using an axe. The suspect in the crime was the daughter of the man who was chopped up like corned beef. Her name was Lizzie Borden. This was a sensational case in those days and it captivated the people of Salem, Massachusetts as well as folks all over the country. There was even a poem about this horrific crime – Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her father 40 whacks…when she saw what she had done, she gave her mother 41. Lizzie was acquitted at trial, but the controversy of her guilt, or lack thereof, has been a source nof debate for over 100 years.

Like any good tragedy, there was and still is, a cottage industry of Lizzie Borden stuff. As a matter of fact, until a month ago, some dumbass in Salem ran a Lizzie Borden Museum right in the house where the murders took place! I could understand doing this sort of thing if this were a crime that involved an important person, like Abe Lincoln and Ford’s Theatre, but this shit is just sick. Making a buck off a double murder like this one, is akin to OJ Simpson buying and making a museum of the home in which Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman were slaughtered. As a side note, the authorities are still looking for the “real killers” in both cases. Unfortunately, Lizzie is in Hell and OJ is a prison bitch to Leon “Hung Like a Horse” Williams. But…I digress.

As for the dumbass that ran the Lizzie Borden Museum, I, for one, am thrilled that you couldn’t keep the place open. Profiting from such a barbaric act as the one that was committed on that day in 1892 shows what a worthless, you are breathing my air douchebag you are. You live in Salem for God’s sake! Make money off of something to do with the Salem Witch Trials. At least that was a historically relevant event and a business telling that story would be of some socially redeeming value. Until you can do something for the good of your community, shove that Lizzie Borden house up your anal cavity…with the fireplace lit, you dumbass.

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