Category: Sammy Hagar

Abducted by a UFO? Hagar Cabo’ed When He Should Have Wabo’ed

Likkered Up

Best of Dumbass News

Sammy Hagar has been in the Cabo Wabo one time too much. The venerable Red Rocker has officially landed on the Planet of the Misfit Dumbasses.

Let me splain.

In a recent interview with MTV about his new book, Red. My Uncensored Life in Rock, Hagar tells of how he was once wait. for. it. abducted by aliens! Seriously.Tequila will do that shit to you. When asked by the MTV interviewer if he’d ever been abducted by extra terrestrials, Hagar replied I think I have. … Remember the story in the book, where I have a dream about being contacted by aliens in the foothills above Fontana?

Yeah, yeah, I’ve got the page right here. “I saw a ship and two creatures inside of this ship… And they were connected to me, tapped into my mind through some kind of mysterious wireless connection.” You’re telling me that wasn’t a dream?

That’s right. It was real. [Aliens] were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren’t even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like, “F—, they downloaded something into me!” Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment. ‘See what this guy knows.’

Sammy, the only thing that’s been “downloaded” is that rotgut you call tequila. Well, that and maybe some heavy duty pharmaceuticals. It appears that Hagar isn’t the only one stoned out of his noggin. Some people believe that Hagar’s hit Why Can’t This Be Love?” is an ode to alien love. I can see right now people all over the world who read this blog heading over to YouTube to find that song. As for me, I’ll never listen to it the same way again, that is if I ever listen to it again. Alien love indeed. Dipshits.

Don’t get me wrong. I like Sammy Hagar as a musician, but you gotta admit, the fucker is an order of fries short of a Happy Meal. I guess his Cabo has been Wabo’ed one too many times.

Dumbass.

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Celebrity Dumbasses: Roseanne, Spike, Hagar and More!

1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, Floor

Like it or not, the American public looks up to celebrities in ways that aren’t always, shall we say, healthy. Many of our fellow citizens look up to celebs as some kind of guru or some stoopid shit, when in reality, most celebrities are just stoopid shits themselves. Talent, or lack thereof, aside, many famous people are just as big a Dumbass as those who worship them.

Some of the more incredibly infamous stunts pulled by these “I’m Famous and Therefore Better Than You” assholes include Roseanne Barr’s screeching rendition of our National Anthem and more recently Spike “I’ll Take the Black Guy’s Side Because Whitey is a Raaaaacist” Lee’s tweet revealing the home address of the “White Hispanic” (whatever the fuck that is) guy who killed a black teenager down South. Spike did this despite the fact that there are conflicting stories about what actually happened! The shooter wasn’t black, so good old Spike jumped right in there condemning the “White Hispanic” guy because, well because he ain’t black. There’s one minor problem here. Lee tweeted the wrong address! The address put out there for the Twitterverse to see belonged to a couple in their 70s that had nothing to do with this whole tragic incident! Nice job, Spike. Bigoted asswipe.

Other Celebrity Dumbasses

There are more than enough Dumbass famous people who do idiotic things to belittle and berate, but I picked a few for today’s post that are real attention grabbers and surefire candidates for Celebrity Dumbass of the Year.

Behold:

Hagar Cabo’d When He Should Have Wabo’d Sammy Hagar is a nut case. Decades of nightly blasting of concert amplifiers have scrambled the Red Rocker’s gray matter. He claims that he was once abducted by aliens! And I don’t mean Meskins.

Remembering Kurt Cobain in a Very Special Way – Cobain’s widow, Courtney Love, has snorted many foreign substances up her nose over her lifetime, but non more special than Kurt Cobain’s cremated remains. No. Shit.

Doggie Therapy for Mariah’s Pooches – Mariah Carey is by most accounts a very nice, if not weird, young lady. With the voice of an angel also comes the brains of a spit wad. When Mariah was preggers with her twins, she put her dogs in therapy so the puppies would learn how to deal with the arrival of the baby bookends. No word yet on whether she’s breast feeding the dogs along side the twins.

I’m sure that I’ll be writing about more Dumbass Celebrities in the future, so these stories will probably seem tame in comparison with what is yet to come. I can’t wait!

Happy Easter & Passover 

I joke and cuss and demean Dumbasses on a daily basis on this blog, so the “Serious Times” are few and far between. I want to, however, wish all of you a blessed Easter and a spiritually edifying Passover. God bless you all.

Dumbasses.  🙂

Hagar Cabo’ed When He Should Have Wabo’ed

Likkerd Up

Sammy Hagar has been in the Cabo Wabo one time too much. The venerable Red Rocker has officially landed on the Planet of the Misfit Dumbasses. Let me splain.

In a recent interview with MTV about his new book, Red. My Uncensored Life in Rock, Hagar tells of how he was once wait. for. it. abducted by aliens! Seriously.Tequila will do that shit to you. When asked by the MTV interviewer if he’d ever been abducted by extra terrestrials, Hagar replied I think I have. ... Remember the story in the book, where I have a dream about being contacted by aliens in the foothills above  Fontana?” Is Fontana near Dumbassville? That gem was followed up by this one with the MTV guy asking Hagar, “Yeah, yeah, I’ve got the page right here. “I saw a ship and two creatures inside of this ship… And they were connected to me, tapped into my mind through some kind of mysterious wireless connection.” You’re telling me that wasn’t a dream?

Hagar answered thusly,”That’s right. It was real. [Aliens] were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren’t even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like, “F—, they downloaded something into me!” Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment. ‘See what this guy knows. 
 Sammy, the only thing that’s been “downloaded” is that rotgut you call tequila. Well, that and maybe some heavy duty pharmaceuticals. It appears that Hagar isn’t the only one stoned out of his noggin. Some people believe that Hagar’s hit Why Can’t This Be Love?” is an ode to alien love. I can see right now people all over the world who read this blog heading over to YouTube to find that song. As for me, I’ll never listen to it the same way again, that is if I ever listen to it again. Alien love indeed. Dipshits.

Don’t get me wrong. I like Sammy Hagar as a musician, but you gotta admit, the fucker is an order of fries short of a Happy Meal. I guess his Cabo has been Wabo’ed one too many times. Dumbass.

Link to Hagar Stoty http://www.noisecreep.com/2011/03/21/sammy-hagar-alien-abduction/?a_dgi

(Hat tip to Heather the Wife)

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