Category: San Francisco

New Post w/UPDATED Info! Cal-ee-forn-ya Assemblywoman (D-umbass) Is a Thief!

This post is an update to the story on the Cal-ee-forn-ya State Assemblywoman (D-ipshit) I put up earlier today.

A couple of months ago, November 1 to be exact, I did a story about a woman who was busted for shoplifting. So what? This broad was a California State Assemblywoman from the Bay Area, San Franpussytown. And she was nabbed shoplifting from Neiman-Marcus! This dumbass female wasn’t caught putting a pair of gloves in her purse, saying she just forgot about it and didn’t remember to pay. The stoopid dame walked out of Neiman’s with almost $2500 worth of merchandise! After stashing the loot on her person, she walked by several cashiers on the way out and still didn’t pay for the stuff. So she went out the door, at which point she is guilty of stealing shit, and store security guys popped her. Then she claimed ignorance, saying she forgot that she didn’t pay for the loot. read the whole story at the link above and get all the skinny on this incident.

She’s a Liberal

Her name is Mary Hayashi and she’s a Democrat. I bring up her party affiliation because the Lame Stream Media won’t and if they do, it’s buried in the 28th paragraph, on page 43 B.  That’s how I know she’s a liberal. She represents the Bay Area and its vermin. San Fran ain’t exactly known as a hotbed of conservatism, but it is known for its “alternative lifestyles” and pornographic public events.  WARNING: Really Perverted Stuff at Link! They must be so proud. 

Story Updated!

I accidentally came across an update to this story today and I just had to share it with The Dumbass Horde. You ain’t gonna believe this shit.

Although Hayashi stole almost $2500 worth of stuff, a felony offense, to which she pleaded not guilty, charges were refiled as a misdemeanor and the Assembleywoman re-pleaded no contest. A plea deal was reached after Hayashi’s attorney revealed that she had a benign brain tumor that “could have interfered with her decision making” Are you fucking kidding me? She got three years unsupervised court probation and to stay 50 feet away from the Neiman-Marcus store! Do you think if it was a white guy with the same “medical condition” (ha ha) that pulled the same stunt as Hayashi would have gotten the same deal? Hell. No! He would have thrown post haste into the Big House and told that the prison has an excellent medical staff to help him deal with his health difficulties. You know it and I know it, but this is a powerful (minority) woman in San Francissy. There’s no way she was going to the slammer. Oh, yeah…and the DA is a pussy. ‘Nuff said. Assholes.

 The DA Pussies Out Speaks

I am gonna quote directly from the news report on CBS-San Francisco on what the DA had to say about this deal. Here’s the money quote: “In the spirit of compromise, now that Ms. Hayashi’s medical conditions resulting in her arrest have been taken care of, she decided to resolve the case as well,” he said. “We’re dealing with a first-time offender, and if the court decides to go in a different direction, we’re going to support that,” Gascon said.
Although Gascon said prosecutors felt that there was clear evidence to treat the crime as a felony, he added, “the way that we begin a case is not always the way that the case ends, and that is also part of the process.” That and the fact that this bitch is a State Asshole-sembleywoman and the District Attorney nearly shit his panties when the pressure was applied by, shall we say, “outside individuals”? No we can’t say that. We can, however, say “other city gubmint officials to whom the DA reports.” That’s more like it.

Did I mention that her husband is a judge in the Bay Area? I think that’s something that should be taken into consideration in this case. Obviously he did not preside over this case and I’m thisclose to 100% certain that he wouldn’t use his position as a Member of the Bench to influence the District Attorney in decision to reduce the sentence. Would he? Naaaaa.  coughbullshitcough

San Francisco. The City By the Bay. Such a beautiful cityrun by a bunch of Holier-than-thou Liberal, wannabe Masters of the Lower Class, and occupied by a bunch of losers who feel entitled to your money and their choice to do anything at anytime without consequences. Don’t believe me? Check out this filth, in public, in San Franpussies.

Fuck ’em all.

Dumbasses.

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Purse Goes BOOM in Starbucks;Reader’s Choice Birthday Bash Best of Dumbass News

I wrote this post back on January 5,2012 and for some Dumbass Reason, it has been one of the most popular posts of the last couple of years.

As we celebrate two years of Dumbass News, this goes on the Dumbass’ Choice List of Favorite Posts Since the Beginning of the Blog.

Over & Under Pistolaccino

With big announcement of the 2011 Dumbass of the Year and the big threefer Dumbass of the Day post from yesterday, we have begun the new year with both barrels ablazin’. Kind of like our dumbass today, except that I am using “both barrels ablazin'” as a metaphor for getting off to a rousing start. Our Dumbass of the Day uses “both barrels ablazin'” in a very literal sense. Allow me to elucidate.

The Elucidation

There’s a young lady, a teenager in fact, in Cheyenne, Wyoming who was visiting her local Starbucks so she could waste $5 on a cup of coffee that she could buy somewhere else for $1.29, when a very strange thing happened. Her purse went off. Not went off like it grew legs and ran away. Went off as in POW! Like a gun! Wanna know why it sounded like a gun? Because it was a gun! As much as I hate to say this about teenagers, this chick is a dumbass. She had an over and under (one barrel on top of another barrel) derringer in her purse and somehow the damn thing discharged. The bullet went through a chair and embedded itself in a wall on the other side of the coffee shop. This young lady is lucky that the bullet didn’t go through another customer and embed itself in yet another bystander. The cops were summoned to the scene and were not exactly what one would call “amused”. “Pissed” is more like it. They cited the dumbass with possession of a firearm by a juvenile which carries a $750 bond and an automatic (no gun pun intended) court appearance. 

The 2nd Amendment

If you’ve been stoopid enough to have read this blog for any length of time, you know that I am big Constitutionalist. If it’s in the Constitution of the United States, leave it the hell alone! This is especially true of the Second Amendment, the one that gives Americans the right to keep and bear arms. There are many good reasons for this amendment being the second one right behind the Freedom of Speech thing, but those are for discussion on another day. 

Anyway, the right to bear arms in the state of Wyoming is not afforded to those not yet of the majority age. For those of you in San Francisco that means a person must be at least 18 in order to legally have a gun in Wyoming. Commie Dumbasses. (in SF, not Wyoming)

Having said all that, with gun ownership comes great responsibility and this girl obviously left responsibility at home when she was packing heat in the first place, much less in a public establishment like Starbucks. As was done, she received the punishment due to her and still faces other charges. Maybe. It’s up to the DA in Cheyenne.

The Right to Be a Dumbass

I don’t normally cover subjects that are so serious, but even dumbasses, myself included, need a reminder of what it takes to be a good American Dumbass. This country has allowed us to be the finest dumbasses on the planet, so let’s do our due diligence in showing our gratitude for such an opportunity. Remember, there are places on this Big Blue Marble that punish and demean dumbasses and gun owners but celebrate sissies and perverts. Like San Francisco. Pussies.

As for our little Annie Oakley at Starbucks…quit packing a rod and tote some feminine hygiene products instead. You never know when you’ll be in San Fran and one of the pussies there will need one. 

And start drinking decaf. You’ll be much better off.

Dumbass.

Plum Stoopid Survey About Moms – I Am Not Happy

plumcrackheads.com Hate Moms

We are less than a week away from the most important secular holiday of the year – Mother’s Day. While millions of Americans will be making spaecial plans for Mom her on special day, Mom just may have other ideas. At least according to a survey done by a company in that well-known bastion of Motherhood, San Francisco. <—-That is some serious sarcasm there. Anyway, some dumbass firm in the Land of Fruits and Nuts conducted a survey of over 19,000 mothers across the country. The results may surprise you.

Results

Plum District, a company that “provides locally relevant offers for targeted mothers”, whatever the fuck that means, polled 19,256 of it 1 million members nationwide in order to determine what Moms woul;d really like for Mother’s Day.

Not so surpising is that two-thirds of the Moms surveyed said that they would prefer to not pick out their own gift for Mother’s Day. A little over half, 54%, said that they would like to spend some time with their own Moms. One would expect these types of numbers.

But things get weird from here.

Oh, Really?

The Dumbasses at http://www.plumdistrict.com/ also say that the results of this survey show that 8 in 10, that’s 80% (!), of the Mothers queried would rather sleep in than to have a sunrise breakfast with their kids! I have a problem with this finding. While there’s absolutely no doubt that being a Mom is the most demanding job in the world and Moms certainly could use the extra shut eye on Mother’s Day, or any day for that matter, I have a great deal of difficulty believing that the average American Mom would rather sleep in than to have a memorable moment such as a Mother’s Day breakfast with the very lives they have deliverd into the world. In other words, I call bullshit. I mean. think about it. Can you name one Mom that you know who’d put an extra hour or two of sleep ahead of spending time with her children on Mother’s Day of all days? I didn’t think so.

Oh, this gets better, Dumbasses.

If the Einsteins at plumstoopidshit.com are to be believed, fully one-third of their respondentes to this steaming pile of donkey shit survey secretly want  the day to themselves! I’ll keep that crap in mind when I don’t call my Mom this Sunday and at a later date tell her that I just knew that she wanted the day to herself. She would be thrilled that I was so unselfish. After she kicked my ass. Twice.

Who are the bitches that participated in this nonesense? Are they, you know, actual Moms? Let’s just say that I am skeptical. No, let’s don’t say that. Let’s say that I have never in my 55 years of life, read such a load of Liberal Pussy Anti-Mother Commie Caca.

What. The. Hell?

I am seriously at a loss here. The people at weareplumfuckingclueless.com claim to have a million members in their organization, 99.9% women one would assume, and this is what they come up with? The only thing I can think of is that whoever answered the questions to this survey are either selfish cunts who don’t deserve to be Mothers or crossdressers from San Fran that have the kind of plumbing that prevents them from having babies – femine qualities aside.

Maybe the pollsters at wehaveexternalplumbingdistrict.com somehow, against adds of at least 7 bazillion-to-1, contacted the 19,256 females that humanity has to offer who are the least worthy of the Sacrament of Motherhood and wouldn’t know a diaper from a maxi pad.

Stunned

It’s time for me to end this post. I am simply dumbfounded that ANY Mother in the United States would put herself ahead of her children, especially on the one day a year where kids actually realize that their Mom, along with tens of millions of other Moms from sea to shining sea, are the glue that holds families, and taken a step further, society, together.


Any female parent that wants to be as self-centered and petty on Mother’s Day as they are portrayed in this “survey”, there are 364 other days throughout the year (365 in a Leap Year) to do so. Pick one of ’em.

Leave us to celebrate Mother’s Day with Honest-to-God Mothers not women like you who have been, as your Negro Commie-in-Chief says, “punished with a baby”.

Fuck you.

Dumbasses.

Update to Shoplifting Cali Assemblywoman; Justice Denied

The Bridge to Perversion & Special Treatment

A couple of months ago, November 1 to be exact, I did a story about a woman who was busted for shoplifting. So what? This broad was a California State Assemblywoman from the Bay Area, San Franpussytown. And she was nabbed shoplifting from Neiman-Marcus! This dumbass female wasn’t caught putting a pair of gloves in her purse, saying she just forgot about it and didn’t remember to pay. The stoopid dame walked out of Neiman’s with almost $2500 worth of merchandise! After stashing the loot on her person, she walked by several cashiers on the way out and still didn’t pay for the stuff. So she went out the door, at which point she is guilty of stealing shit, and store security guys popped her. Then she claimed ignorance, saying she forgot that she didn’t pay for the loot. read the whole story at the link above and get all the skinny on this incident.


She’s a Liberal

Her name is Mary Hayashi and she’s a Democrat. I bring up her party affiliation because the Lame Stream Media won’t and if they do, it’s buried in the 28th paragraph, on page 43 B.  That’s how I know she’s a liberal. She represents the Bay Area and its vermin. San Fran ain’t exactly known as a hotbed of conservatism, but it is known for its “alternative lifestyles” and pornographic public events.  WARNING: Really Perverted Stuff at Link! They must be so proud. 


Story Updated!

I accidentally came across an update to this story today and I just had to share it with The Dumbass Horde. You ain’t gonna believe this shit.


Although Hayashi stole almost $2500 worth of stuff, a felony offense, to which she pleaded not guilty, charges were refiled as a misdemeanor and the Assembleywoman re-pleaded no contest. A plea deal was reached after Hayashi’s attorney revealed that she had a benign brain tumor that “could have interfered with her decision making” Are you fucking kidding me? She got three years unsupervised court probation and to stay 50 feet away from the Neiman-Marcus store! Do you think if it was a white guy with the same “medical condition” (ha ha) that pulled the same stunt as Hayashi would have gotten the same deal? Hell. No! He would have thrown post haste into the Big House and told that the prison has an excellent medical staff to help him deal with his health difficulties. You know it and I know it, but this is a powerful (minority) woman in San Francissy. There’s no way she was going to the slammer. Oh, yeah…and the DA is a pussy. ‘Nuff said. Assholes.

 The DA Pussies Out Speaks

I am gonna quote directly from the news report on CBS-San Francisco on what the DA had to say about this deal. Here’s the money quote: “In the spirit of compromise, now that Ms. Hayashi’s medical conditions resulting in her arrest have been taken care of, she decided to resolve the case as well,” he said. “We’re dealing with a first-time offender, and if the court decides to go in a different direction, we’re going to support that,” Gascon said.
Although Gascon said prosecutors felt that there was clear evidence to treat the crime as a felony, he added, “the way that we begin a case is not always the way that the case ends, and that is also part of the process.” That and the fact that this bitch is a State Asshole-sembleywoman and the District Attorney nearly shit his panties when the pressure was applied by, shall we say, “outside individuals”? No we can’t say that. We can, however, say “other city gubmint officials to whom the DA reports.” That’s more like it.

Did I mention that her husband is a judge in the Bay Area? I think that’s something that should be taken into consideration in this case. Obviously he did not preside over this case and I’m thisclose to 100% certain that he wouldn’t use his position as a Member of the Bench to influence the District Attorney in decision to reduce the sentence. Would he? Naaaaa.  coughbullshitcough


San Francisco. The City By the Bay. Such a beautiful cityrun by a bunch of Holier-than-thou Liberal, wannabe Masters of the Lower Class, and occupied by a bunch of losers who feel entitled to your money and their choice to do anything at anytime without consequences. Don’t believe me? Check out this filth, in public, in San Franpussies.


Fuck ’em all.


Dumbasses.

The "Dummies" of 2011 & the 1st Dumbasses of 2012

100% Dumbass News Approved***

We are already one full week into 2012 and things around Dumbass News keep getting better and better, thanks to you, the Dumbasses of the World in 121 Dumbass Nations. I like the sound of that, Dumbass Nations. Has sort of a “band of brothers” feel to it. I am honored to be your Fearless Dumbass Leader, the Duke of Dumbass the Head Dumbass in Charge, the…OK, that’s enough of that.  

Sorry, I lost my mind just for a moment.

Anyway, 2012 is shaping up to be by far, the best year ever for this blog and I am excited as a Dumbass Hobo in a likker store with a pocket full of cheese. For those of you in San Francisco, “cheese” is not what you guys find in your dirty Fruit of the Looms, it means “money” ya frakkin’ idjits. Speaking of cash flow, mine has slowed down to an ebb and your generous Dumbass Donation can be made through PayPal by clicking on the “Donate” button in the right sidebar. Any such gifts would be greatly appreciated. Dumbasses. 🙂


The 1st Week of 2012 

We left 2011 behind in grand style as we paid homage to the best dumbasses last year had to offer. The explosion of dumbassery carried over into the New Year with the first few dumbasses of 2012. 

So, let’s hop into the Dumbass Wayback Machine and take a look at this past week of the best dumbass news stories found anywhere in the World Wide Web.

The 1st Annual Fred G. Sanford Memorial “You Big Dummy” Awards  

For a complete look at the various “You Big Dummy” Award nominees and the winners in the different categories click this link. (After reading the story, scroll down below the post and look for “Newer Posts”, click there on every page and that will lead you to next Award Presentation. Just keep going until you get to the “You Big Dummy” winner) 

The Oscars, Grammys and all those fake awards have nothing on the “Dummies”. Hey, we take this shit seriously, unlike those pussies at the other award shows. Our Dumbass of the Year candidates are selected and awarded based on the merits of their dumbassery. No politics involved. Unless it tweaks the Fwench and the homos and non-homos of San Francisco. I hate the Fwench and the jizz dumpsters in San Fran.

  • Starting 2012 with a Threefer Dumbass Bonus! The three “Curious” Old Bastards in this story scream for the manly affections of the Twinkletoes Crowd in S.F. Truly sickening and truly dumbass. Ya gotta love it.
  • The Pistola in Starbucks – Dumbass chick takes loaded gun to coffee shop. Gun discharges. Criminal procedures ensue.
  • I’ll Take “I Got Fined $200 Large for Keeping Chickens in My Yard Because the City is Run By Bigots”, Alex – This one is a riot. The Dumbass in this tale of woe claims he is being singled out by City Officials because he is of Moroccan-Syrian extract. Did I mention that he is a Jew? To my knowledge, the fine dictators of Morocco and Syria would find great pleasure in BBQing this fucking idiot and using him for camel food simply because he is a Jew, and he claims prejudice in the F-L-A? I am almost 100% certain that the asshole is the only person of Arab heritage in Florida, so it must be bigotry. <—–That’s sarcasm, by the way. Read it and weep.

Now you can understand why I am so stoked about 2012. I am confident that the crop of Dumbasses in ’12 will be the Best Bunch Ever! Especially if they are butthurt Arabs, Fwench or homos in San Francissy. This year is gonna be great!

Dumbasses.

***See Copyright in Image***

Purse Goes BANG in Starbucks!

Over & Under

With big announcement of the 2011 Dumbass of the Year and the big threefer Dumbass of the Day post from yesterday, we have begun the new year with both barrels ablazin’. Kind of like our dumbass today, except that I am using “both barrels ablazin'” as a metaphor for getting off to a rousing start. Our Dumbass of the Day uses “both barrels ablazin'” in a very literal sense. Allow me to elucidate.

The Elucidation

There’s a young lady, a teenager in fact, in Cheyenne, Wyoming who was visiting her local Starbucks so she could waste $5 on a cup of coffee that she could buy somewhere else for $1.29, when a very strange thing happened. Her purse went off. Not went off like it grew legs and ran away. Went off as in POW! Like a gun! Wanna know why it sounded like a gun? Because it was a gun! As much as I hate to say this about teenagers, this chick is a dumbass. She had an over and under (one barrel on top of another barrel) derringer in her purse and somehow the damn thing discharged. The bullet went through a chair and embedded itself in a wall on the other side of the coffee shop. This young lady is lucky that the bullet didn’t go through another customer and embed itself in yet another bystander. The cops were summoned to the scene and were not exactly what one would call “amused”. “Pissed” is more like it. They cited the dumbass with possession of a firearm by a juvenile which carries a $750 bond and an automatic (no gun pun intended) court appearance. 

The 2nd Amendment

If you’ve been stoopid enough to have read this blog for any length of time, you know that I am big Constitutionalist. If it’s in the Constitution of the United States, leave it the hell alone! This is especially true of the Second Amendment, the one that gives Americans the right to keep and bear arms. There are many good reasons for this amendment being the second one right behind the Freedom of Speech thing, but those are for discussion on another day. 

Anyway, the right to bear arms in the state of Wyoming is not afforded to those not yet of the majority age. For those of you in San Francisco that means a person must be at least 18 in order to legally have a gun in Wyoming. Commie Dumbasses. (in SF, not Wyoming)

Having said all that, with gun ownership comes great responsibility and this girl obviously left responsibility at home when she was packing heat in the first place, much less in a public establishment like Starbucks. As was done, she received the punishment due to her and still faces other charges. Maybe. It’s up to the DA in Cheyenne.

The Right to Be a Dumbass

I don’t normally cover subjects that are so serious, but even dumbasses, myself included, need a reminder of what it takes to be a good American Dumbass. This country has allowed us to be the finest dumbasses on the planet, so let’s do our due diligence in showing our gratitude for such an opportunity. Remember, there are places on this Big Blue Marble that punish and demean dumbasses and gun owners but celebrate sissies and perverts. Like San Francisco. Pussies.

As for our little Annie Oakley at Starbucks…quit packing a rod and tote some feminine hygiene products instead. You never know when you’ll be in San Fran and one of the pussies there will need one. 

And start drinking decaf. You’ll be much better off.

Dumbass.

The Dummy Award for the Best Use of Nekkididity While Being a Dumbass

Long time readers of Dumbass News know that nekkididity has been a staple subject of the blog since the beginning. Having said that, nekkidness is not gratuitously used for cheap thrills or anything like that. It is, however, as an excuse to put a photo of a nubile young woman on the same page as the accompanying post. Like this:
I refuse to objectify women or put them in a negative light on this blog! Unless it is necessary to the plot. And what could be more necessary to the plot than a hot babe using band aids as a swim suit? Nothing! That’s what! When I see the photo to the right, I, for some odd reason other than being a pig, do not see a school librarian. Unless she has been in one of those movies. Having watched those movies (for blog research purposes only), I can assure you that she is not in any of them. Much to my dismay.

Also much to my dismay, it is time for the crowning of the “winner” of the Dummy Award for the Best Use of Nekkididity While Being a Dumbass. 

The nekkid dumbass nominees are…

Almost Nekkid Guy Who Breaks into a Cafe This dumbass broke into the cafe in question and according to the Police, “He definitely had a shirt, a fleece vest and socks on,” but no pants, underwear or shoes — despite the subzero temperatures”. I think I’ve said enough.


Dinky the Dumbass; Nekkid Marathoner – This is part of what I wrote regarding Dinky last May: “… the nude dumbass, in all his glory was ordered by the heat to stop running and get into a squad car or he would be tased. He did not comply with this lawful order, so the local fuzz (pun intended) tasered the numb nuts (pun intended again). “Dinky”, as the crowd called him, (OK, I made that part up), immediately fell flat on his gazebos and the attendant appendage that accompanies a man’s gazebos. FYI, Dinky the Nekkid Dumbass was not a registered participant in the race. Not only did he expose his gazebos to all those in attendance, but he failed to pay the required entry fee for the marathon! This is unacceptable!”. What a dickweed.


Legal Public Nekkididoty in San Francissy Nekkid. San Francisco. Legal. Bad mojo.

There really is no winner in this line up of dumbasses, so let me put things this way..the recipient of the Dummy for the Best Use of Nekkididity While Being a Dumbass is…

The nekkid homos* of San Francissy! They win a Dummy Award from an obscure but growing by leaps and bounds dumbass blog. I hope you Godless Liberals and Folsom Street homos (SEE LINK WARNING BELOW) in the City by the Bay are proud of yourselves. This is about the best anyone could say about you. 

Dumbasses. 

*I have nothing against homos. Except the perverted bastards who are homos in S.F.
****This link contains EXTREMELY Graphic Homo Material!  CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK!****