Category: Second Amendment

Guy Robs Bank w/Fake Gun; Gets Shot w/Real .357

The 2nd Amendment to the Constitution of the United States reads thusly: “a well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed”. 

A bank employee in Trimble, Missouri recently exercised his 2nd Amendment rights when some Dumbass tried to rob the First Security Bank.

The Thinker

Michael Oliva is one of those Dumbasses who on occasion comes up with a brilliant idea. And y “brilliant” I of course mean “stoopid as fuck”.

Fake.

Michael was sittin’ around one day sparkin’ up the ol’ crack pipe, throwin’ back some foaties (that’s “forties” as in 40oz beer for all you Old White Guys out there) and singin’ Kanye West songs, hereafter referred to as “shit”, trying to think of something to do. All of the sudden Michael came up with a brilliant (“stoopid as fuck”) idea. Michael exclaimed, “El Frito Bandito es pendejo!” which is Meskin lingo for, “Hey! I have a stoopid as fuck idea! I’m gonna go rob a bank with a realistic looking but fake hand gun!”.

So he set out on his felonious feat.

Penalty for Early Withdrawal 

At 1:25 PM one recent Friday afternoon, Michael Oliva arrived at First Security Bank, 202 US Highway 169 in Trimble, MO. Michael had his Fake But Realistic Looking Hand Gun at the ready. What could possibly go wrong?

I’m glad you asked that question.

So Michael pulls a black ski mask over his head and makes his entry into the bank. He goes up to one of the bank tellers and demands the money in her cash drawer. At this point, a bunch of noisy shit and commotion goes on catching the attention of another bank employee in an office near the teller area.

Remember up there ^^^ when you asked “what could possibly go wrong?”

This is What Could Possibly Go Wrong

Real.

The Bank Guy who came running to the front of the bank from an office? He confronted Michael and his Fake But Looks Like a Real Gun Gun face to face. Did I mention that the Bank Guy has a concealed carry permit for a REAL gun? He does.

Anyway, here’s the Bank Guy with a .357 staring straight into the eyes of Michael Oliva who is in possession     of a Realistic Looking But FAKE Gun. It is at this point that the Bank Guy aims his very real .357 at Michael and blasts him in the face with a very real .357 bullet.

Somehow, by the Grace of God I suppose, Michael is not graveyard dead and manages to escape with a gun shot wound to the jaw.

Long story short….Michael gets away and then leads the cops on a high speed car chase before finally being apprehended. Upon being nabbed by The Fuzz, Michael was heard to say, “Hace mucho calor” which translates to: “Boy was that a stoopid as fuck idea”.

Ay! Ay! Ay! Canta y no llores! Translation:

Dumbass.

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Dumbass at Gun Show Shoots Self! Embarrassment Ensues

Firewater & Firepower

I am a big supporter of gun ownership in the United States. As I have stated before, the Right to Bear Arms is second to the Freedom of Speech, Religion etc. for a reason; protection. Not only protection from bad guys foreign and domestic, but protection from an overpowering gubmint. While many of you may disagree with me on this point, and that’s fine with me, I am not here to make a case for the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution, I am here to show that with gun ownership comes the ownership of responsibility that is part and parcel of owning a firearm.

Rules for Gun Owners

Rule No.1 – Always assume a gun is loaded. Common sense, ain’t it? But not all gun owners follow this guideline. More on that in a minute.

Rule No.2 – If you aim a gun at another human bean, you’d better be ready to use it. Period.

There are, of course, other rules for gun ownership, but these two are the most important of them in my opinion. Just like the 1st and 2nd Amendments, these rules are numbers one and two, in that order, for a reason.

Rule No.1? What’s That?

99.9% of all gun owners in the US follow these two rules and all the rest necessary to safe and responsible stewardship of weaponry. Those who don’t are one of two things: a criminal or a dumbass. We know about the criminal element and guns, so let’s take a look at a Dumbass who falls into the 0.1% who don’t always observe gun safety properly.

At a Gun Show?

One would think that a guy in the South would be at the top of the list of guys who respect the power and dangers of guns. This would go double for a guy who is an attendee at a Gun Show! One would be doubly wrong in this case.

Charles Lake was at a big Gun Show and Terrorist Target Practice Extravaganza in Savannah, Georgia. Chuck is a big boy of twenty-six years and one would suspect that he might know better than to ignore any gun safety rules. One would again be wrong.

Charlie was reloading his pistol, after a resounding round of target practice I assume, and guess what? BOOM! He shot himself in the leg! It would appear that Charles didn’t exactly follow Rule No. 1 very conscientiously doesn’t it?

The Tale of 2 Charles Lakes

I know a guy named Charles Lake, but this Charles Lake is not him. As I stated, this Charles Lake is a dumbass in Georgia and the CL I know is a dumbass in Texas. My Charles Lake is a bit older than the guy in GA as well. So all you Dumbass Friends of mine at the Half Moon Bar and Grill Lunchtime Lush Hour, don’t pick on your Charles Lake. If, and that’s a BIG if, this would have happened to the CL in Texas, he would have blasted his gazebos to high heaven. The dumb fuck in Savannah suffered a minor leg injury – no gazebo involvement at all. Too bad. The asswipe can still reproduce.

Besides, if my friend Charles L in Texas was gonna get his gazebos shot off, it would be his wife who shot them off. With a 12 Gauge. With Double Aught Buck. She’s a mean bitch.

The Chuck in GA

So Charles Lake of Savannah, Georgia wasn’t seriously wounded when his pistol accidentally discharged and for that I am glad. I’m fairly certain that Charles’ gazebos are relieved as well. Do you know what kind of damage a 9mm bullet will do to man’s Manhood? Neither do I and I do not want to find out! I do, however, have a pretty graphic idea of what the results of such a tragedy would be and it ain’t purty, folks.

Charles did suffer one major injury to his ego though. Upon finding out that Charles was gonna be OK, I imagine the other attendees at the Gun Show and Terrorist Target Practice Extravaganza blistered Chucky Boy with a hearty exhibit of laughter, name-calling and derision. Deservedly so.

Dumbass.