Today’s story is about animals.
I know many people who treat their pets, usually cats and dogs, as good as they treat their family members. My mother-in-law is like that. before he went to the Big You Ain’t Nuthin but a Hound Dawg Kennel in the Sky, Elvis (yes, named after that Elvis) the St. Bernard was the King (pun intended) of his castle. Teena the MIL loved Elvis almost as much as she loves her husband Donnie. I can’t say as I blame her though, Donnie is from Philadelphia. Enough said. Every night Teena would cook Elvis a meal for supper. He sat or laid on the couch at will unless Donnie was home, then Elvis had to share “his” couch with the male member of the household. He did so gladly because that’s just how Elvis rolled. I could go on, but you get the idea. Elvis was as much a member of the family as Donnie or Teena.
There’s not a thing wrong with treating animals like the family member they are, it’s just that some people like Teena go the extra mile in doing so. Again, hey, it ain’t my dog, so go for it. And good for Elvis. He was a good mutt.
Then there’s this lady in the Houston suburb of Spring, Texas.
|Cat Lover, Husband Shooter|
By all appearances, Audrey Deen Miller looks like the Lady Next Door. It turns out that she is the Psycho Lady Next Door.
You see, Audrey and her husband (whose name isn’t mentioned in the source for this story) got into an argument. Somewhere during this altercation The Husband threatened to shoot one of Audrey’s cats with a pellet gun.
Audrey got mad. And when Audrey gets mad, she has the strength of a 2000 pound bull. Actually, Audrey was just strong enough to pick up a pistol and shoot her husband in the stomach for threatening to harm Audrey’s beloved feline.
I bet The Husband will choose his words a little more carefully next time. If there is a next time.
From the story on wfaa.com, Miller, an animal lover with several cats and dogs, pulled out a .40-caliber semiautomatic handgun and shot her husband in the stomach.
“The husband was trying to do something to the cat and the wife was just trying to protect her cat,” said Assistant Chief Mark Herman, Precinct 4.
Miller was arrested at the scene and her husband was transported to Ben Taub Hospital in stable condition.
The cat was not harmed.
Oh, Goody! Questions!
Before I start my own Dumbass Inquiry into this incident, let me put this forth. If the cat is a menace to polite society, then I am all for dispatching it into the Great Beyond. But only if the cat is a danger to human health or well being. Otherwise a good dropkick will do the trick.
My Probing Inquiry
- Why would a guy want to piss off an obvious animal lover by threatening to shoot her cat?
- Why would a Dumbass think it was a good idea to threaten to shoot the cat with a pellet gun, when the unhinged animal lover in the house has a real gun?
- Why would these two dumb fucks get married to begin with?
- Better yet, why would they stay married?
- Audrey Deen Miller is a psychotic bitch who needs to be institutionalized.
- The Husband is a complete mental midget.
- The cat was not harmed.
The cat was not harmed? Who gives a shit? A man was shot in the stomach with a .40 calibre hand gun here! Fuck. The. Cat! A. Man. Could. Have. Died.
By shooting her old man, Audrey probably sealed the fate of her cat and all other animals in her care. And it don’t look good for them. I don’t see The Husband wanting much to do with them. Hello, Humane Society, and possibly, The Domestic Pet Adios House.
Audrey is in jail and so are the poor animals she was in charge of. Except she will live through her ordeal, the critters may not.
***Hat Tip to Dumbass Matt Vaughn of Rockwall, Texas***
It was either Will Rogers or Mark Twain who said that “Golf is a perfectly good walk through the park spoiled by chasing around a little white ball”.
I like golf. A lot. I like the beer cart on the golf course a lot. Well, I used to anyway. I haven’t had an alcoholic beverage in over two years, so the beer cart love is out of the question these days. As a matter of fact, golf is out of the question these days. My back is rather fidgety and a round of golf, or even just a couple of holes, would lay me up for a while if I were to get stymied on the links by hitting my mashie astray.
I guess there’s always Putt Putt.
I Shot a Round in Reno Just to Almost Die
I have never been to Nevada but I hear that Reno is a great place to visit for a little gambling and golfing action. Even though a bad back prevents me from playing golf, I am still able to gamble with the best of ’em. Cha-ching!
Reno, however, was a lousy choice of golfing destinations for one guy with a bad banana slice.
Let me splain.
|LakeRidge Colf Course…Really|
A Golf Guy had made through 15 holes at LakeRidge Golf Course in Reno when he sliced his tee shot on Number 16 through the window of a house located on the course. This is not uncommon if you live on a Golf Course. Not every golfer hits ’em straight. Especially after several encounters with the beer cart.
The old Golf Ball Through the Living Room Window Trick was too much for the home owner. So he sought Justice. With a shotgun. Home Owner Guy found The Slicer and after a brief verbal altercation was not satisfied with the conclusion of the conversation so he shot the golfer! For you non-golfers, let me assure you that this is a very draconian “out of bounds penalty” at most golf courses. The usual penalty for hitting out of bounds is a stroke or two, not a barrel or two from a 12 gauge Mossberg shotgun.
It is after being blasted by a Dumbass with a 12 gauge that the beer cart comes in real handy.
I’m just sayin’.
Here Come the Cops
Of course the cops were called and even though my source story doesn’t mention it, I would venture a guess that Home Owner Guy was arrested for, at the very least, assault with a deadly weapon, maybe even attempted murder.
Here’s to hoping that The Slicer is fully recovered from his wounds (which were not serious, btw) and Home Owner Guy is getting “stymied” and “mashied” at every available opportunity in the Nevada State Pen, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
That would be the perfect ending to a perfectly good walk through the park ruined by chasing around a little white ball.
A shotgun blast to the face doesn’t make the walk through the park any better I’m sure.
Where’s the beer cart?