Category: Shoplifting

Cal-ee-forn-ya Assemblywoman Shoplifts, MSM Silent; Name That Party!

I wrote this story a little over a year ago. I am re-running it because, even though it’s old news, it could be in today’s news cycle. By that I mean that the “Bad Guy” in the story is a Democrat and the story was hardly mentioned by the Lame Stream Media. Senator Menendez and the underage hookers anyone? 

 
However, Dumbass News isn’t the LSM! When we get a sniff of a Dumbass in action, we’re on it like a fat kid on a pork chop. We’ll make fun of anybody at any time, Republicans and Conservatives included, with the exceptions of my Mom, the Pope and Billy Graham. It’s just that Liberals and Democrats, but I repeat myself, screw up bigger and better than Republicans/Conservatives. I mean, Dems have Bill Clinton, etc., Repubs get guys like Larry “Wide Stance” Craig. 

I rest my case.
 
Sometimes I take for granted the fact that dumbasses come from all socio-economic backgrounds. What I mean is that all dumbasses are not homeless drunks or poor trailer park trash. Those groups and groups like them just seem to get the most press coverage. Why is that so? I have my ideas why, but that’s another topic for another day.  However! Today Dumbass News features someone who is not a homeless drunk nor a piece of trailer trash. She’s just a fucking idiot. And a State Assemblywoman in Cal-ee-forn-ya! Here’s the deal:

The Deal

Cal-ee-forn-ya State Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi, a Democrat, was recently at a San Francisco Neiman-Marcus store doing her Christmas shoplifting a little early this year. Yes, friends and dumbasses, Hayashi, a Democrat, went about her “shopping” at the upscale retailer accruing along the way $2500 worth of goodies. Are you kidding me? $2500 worth of shit in one store on a State Assemblywoman’s salary? Mary must be very thrifty with her earnings serving the pussies, homos and assorted other dumbasses in the Bay Area. That or she might be using campaign funds to quench her shopping thirst. But here’s where Mary’s shopping trip goes asunder. Or as we say back in Texas, “You ain’t gonna believe this shit!”. It turns out that assemblywoman Hayashi did not use her campaign funds to make her purchase. She also did not did not use apart of her salary as a Public Servant to buy the goods. As a matter of fact, Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi, a Democrat, did not use any money at all! She stole the $2500 worth of merchandise from Neiman’s! She rounded up the booty in the store, walked past several cashiers and made her merry way outside. Store security caught up with Hayashi, she was arrested and released on $15,000 bail.

This part is rich. Sam Singer, a Hayashi spokesdick, said,  “The incident in San Francisco was a mistake and a misunderstanding,” Singer said. “The assemblywoman strongly believes in the justice system and is hopeful that this matter will be cleared up soon.” Oh, it’ll be cleared up all right. Hopefully cleared up all the way to the state penitentiary. But then again I know people who go shopping and “forget” to pay all the time. It’s just an honest mistake right? Stoopid bitch. Just when you thought the story was weird enough, it gets weirder. Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi of Cal-ee-forn-ya (did I mention that she’s a Democrat?) is married to a Bay Area Judge! bwahahahahahahaha!!!

I don’t think this will amount to much because a) we’re talking Cal-ee-forn-ya here, b) she’s married to a Judge and c) she’s a Democrat. See “a)”. This incident will just grease the skids to her re-election. See “a)” again and look up “Clinton, Bill – impeachment”. The clueless residents of the Bay Area deserve everything they get by electing assholes like Mary Hayashi, a Democrat. I mean, hell, they just elected Governor Moonbeam again! Where’s the geological event that will sever Cal-ee-forn-ya from the Lower 48 when you need it?

Dumbasses.

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Best Buy Shoplifter vs. United States Marines; Multiple Injuries Ensue

Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, Georgia was at Best Buy minding his own bidness as he was doing his Christmas shoplifting a little early this year when his plans went awry. And by “awry” I mean he was met with a surprise as he tried to escape with a purloined laptop.

Semper Fi.

Dumbass.

***Shamelessly Ripped Off from I Hate the Media***

The Give and Take of Dumbass Karma

A Minefield in Waiting
I woke up this morning in hopes of it all being a bad dream, a side trip to the Twilight Zone. Alas, it was not to be. It was real. As real as the credit card bills sure to follow. Now that’s real. 
I am talking about this morning, the day after Christmas. I was awakened like somebody took a Louisville Slugger to my skull. Pow! Right in the kisser! Actually it was Bailey the 4 Year Old with a still-unwrapped, fresh, new toy from Santa. In a minute or two, she brought in another one. Then another one. Goodbye, nice, warm, comfy fancy schmancy bed, hello cold as hell downstairs computer chair and the real world. Once downstairs, I skillfully navigated a veritable minefield of Christmas toys scattered about the living room, stumbling over a Hot Wheels Race Track but gracefully maintaining my balance like I meant to do it. Ha! Pure luck and like the old saying goes, “I’d rather be lucky than good any day.” 
Nice People and a Blue Streak
Today’s story takes place in, of all the places on Earth, in Ogden, Utah. Utah has got to have the sweetest people in the world living there. If a Utahn says,”Oh, darn it!”, he has cussed up a blue streak according to the Sweetest People in the World Utah Almanac, Chapter 2, “Cussing Up a Blue Streak in Utah”. You can only imagine the scorn heaped upon a Utahn if he were to blurt out “boobie” or something. It’s not a pretty sight, I can assure you. Anyway, on to the story.
The Story
These two guys in Ogden were not members of the Sweetest People in the World Club, they were thieves. The guys got busted for doing their Christmas shoplifting early this year. A store security guy caught the two crooks and cited them for stealing make up (?) and some other stuff totaling about $26 and lets them go. So they head back to their truck which was parked near-by, empty-handed, embarrassed and busted.  Could anything go wrong that would be worse than that? Are you kiddin’ me? This is Dumbass News, of course something more humiliating is gonna happen!

Christmas Karma
So the two dumbasses make it back to their truck only to find out…wait…for…it…the truck had been burglarized! I ain’t makin’ this up! I would have given a million dollars to have seen the looks on these two idiots’ faces. Talk about a new MasterCard commercial! I can see it now. Shoplifting, $26. Court fees and fines, $300. The look on the faces of shoplifters whose truck had been broken into, priceless. It’s kinda funny how life has a way of smacking you down and calling you “Shorty”, especially if you just got nailed for stealing. Who ever said that God doesn’t have a sense of humor must be an atheist. “Cause this is damn funny! bwahahahahahahahahahaha
The Public Excoriation of Two Morons
The Dumbass Salute!
If you live in or near the Ogden, Utah area, you can participate in a fun-for-all game called Humiliate Stoopid as a Spitwad Criminals! This game entitles players identify and roundly and loudly denigrate ignoramus thieves like Kori Vanhouten and Eldon Alexander. These guys are the two Einsteins who pulled off the Dumbass Daily Double of getting busted for stealing and getting and being stolen from in a span of about five minutes. Congratulations, men! You have accomplished something as rare as hen’s teeth and a million times more embarrassing. I salute you!
Dumbasses.

California Assemblywoman Does Christmas Shoplifting Early This Year!

The Party of Jackasses Dumbasses

Sometimes I take for granted the fact that dumbasses come from all socio-economic backgrounds. What I mean is that all dumbasses are not homelessdrunks or poor trailer park trash. Those groups and groups like them just seem to get the most press coverage. Why is that so? I have my ideasn why, but that’s another topic for another day.  However! Today Dumbass News features someone who is not a homeless drunk nor a piece of trailer trash. She’s just a fucking idiot. And a State Assemblywoman in California! Here’s the deal:

The Deal

California State Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi, a Democrat, was recently at a San Francisco Neiman-Marcus store doing her Christmas shoplifting a little early this year. Yes, friends and dumbasses, Hayashi, a Democrat, went about her “shopping” at the upscale retailer accruing along the way $2500 worth of goodies. Are you kidding me? $2500 worth of shit in one store on a State Assemblywoman’s salary? Mary must be very thrifty with her earnings serving the pussies, homos and assorted other dumbasses in the Bay Area. That or she might be using campaign funds to quench her shopping thirst. But here’s where Mary’s shopping trip goes asunder. Or as we say back in Texas, “You ain’t gonna believe this shit!”. It turns out that assemblywoman Hayashi did not use her campaign funds to make her purchase. She also did not did not use apart of her salary as a Public Servant to buy the goods. As a matter of fact, Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi, a Democrat, did not use any money at all! She stole the $2500 worth of merchandise from Neiman’s! She rounded up the booty in the store, walked past several cashiers and made her merry way outside. Store security caught up with Hayashi, she was arrested and released on $15,000 bail.

This part is rich. Sam Singer, a Hayashi spokesdick, said,  “The incident in San Francisco was a mistake and a misunderstanding,” Singer said. “The assemblywoman strongly believes in the justice system and is hopeful that this matter will be cleared up soon.” Oh, it’ll be cleared up all right. Hopefully cleared up all the way to the state penitentiary. But then again I know people who go shopping and “forget” to pay all the time. It’s just an honest mistake right? Stoopid bitch. Just when you thought the story was weird enough, it gets weirder. Assemblywoman Mary Hayashi of California (did I mention that she’s a Democrat?) is married to a Bay Area Judge! bwahahahahahahaha!!!

I don’t think this will amount to much because a) we’re talking California here, b) she’s married to a Judge and c) she’s a Democrat. See “a)”. This incident will just grease the skids to her re-election. See “a)” again and look up “Clinton, Bill – impeachment”. The clueless residents of the Bay Area deserve everything they get by electing assholes like Mary Hayashi, a Democrat. I mean, hell, they just elected Governor Moonbeam again! Where’s the geological event that will sever California from the Lower 48 when you need it?

Dumbasses.

Hat tip: JammieWearingFool. Jammie is a several-times-a-day stop for me as I peruse the ole intertubes. Pay him a visit and check his blog out for yourself. Just click the link in his name. And tell him that Toby (FishFearMe – Moron)) at Dumbass News sent you.

Fat Lady Shoplifts, Then Goes After Cop’s Donut

Needs Directions To Nearest Jack in the Box

Shoplifters are some of the most clever but dumbass people you’ll ever see. They come up some ingenius ways to steal something. Having done some work in retail over the years, I have seen some really good shoplifters. They are brave enough to go into a business and steal something, but most of the time after the get busted, they whine like a bunch of two year olds. It really hits them hard when the Police show up and reality smacks them upside the head. They are headed “downtown”.

Having said all that, dumbasses are forever coming up with new ways to rob retailers blind. Take this woman in Rochester Hills, Michigan…..PLEASE! Haha I am a comic genuis. Anyway, there was this 400 pound woman who was doing her Christmas shoplifting early this year at Meijer store in Rochester Hills. She had stuffed over $600 worth of electronics onto the motorized scooter she was riding around the Meijer store. The story from UPI tells us that “She set off the door alarm and hit a store employee who confronted her, authorities said. When a sheriff’s deputy arrived, she “took a fighting stance” and had to be Tasered to be subdued, the report said.” Four little words in the previous sentence stand out like a green turd in a punch bowl. The words? “took a fighting stance”. How in the hell can a 400 pound woman “take a fighting stance’? Well, of course, unless somebody cuts in front nof her at the all you can eat buffet. But, I digress. One more thing…the cops tasered her? What the hell was she gonna do to the cops? A little Kung Fu, perhaps? Dumbasses. Oh, wait! Maybe the cop who first arrived on the scene was on break at a nearby Dunkin Donuts and he grabbed his chocolate eclaire and took nit with him to the scene of the crime. Now I can see why she was tasered. The bitch wanted the cops pastry and anybody caught geeting between he and the eclaire would be squished a ripe tomato.

That’s our story for today. I hope tou enjoyed the dumbassery as much as I did. Tune in tomorrow when we do a follow up to this story. Its tentative title is, “How Prison Food Helped Me Lose 275 Pounds Without Dieting”. Dumbass.