Category: Skank

McDonalds – No Insurance, Lousy Benefits Turn McD Wimmin into Hookers!

Just what do some Dumbasses have against McDonalds? I can’t figger it out myself. Mcd’s offers some of the best tasteless food in the world. Every once in a while I love to scarf down a Big Mac or Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Or both. My kids loves the nastiness that is a Happy Meal. They also love the lead paint covered cheap ass toys that come with the Happy meal. I don’t mean to get all mushy here, but I have been eating at McDonalds since their hamburgers cost something like 19 cents. I remember when the signs at Mickey D’s read “Over 2 Sold”! I ask these questions for a very good reasons, which I will go into in a just a minute.

Dumbass News has featured dumbass-inspired stories about McDonalds on more than one occasion. For example, here and here. It pains me to say it, but neither of these Dumbass stories has as serious implications as the one you are about to read.

McWhore

There’s a lady, and I use that term loosely, in Las Vegas who has filed a lawsuit against the fast food giant

You Want Me to Do What?

because, as she states in the suit, it is because of the minimum wage salary she was paid at McD’s that she became a prostitute! yes, fellow Dumbasses, I am sad to report that low pay and lack of a good benefits package at the Home of the Quarter Pounder, that has driven women like Shelley Lynn to become skanky sluts. Shame on you Ronald McDonald!

You see, Shelley once worked at a McDonalds owned at the time by her then-husband. As it turns out, there other would-be skanky sluts working there too. And it’s all because of the lousy pay and benefit packages at the Golden Arches. Being the visionary entrepreneur that he was, Shelley’s husband found a way to increase business at his restaurant. A good marketing campaign maybe? Kind of. He started pimping out his female employees! These women were listed on the store menu as the “Furry McTacos”. But I digress.

You wanna know why these whores felt it necessary to sell their McWares? If you guessed the lousy pay ans bennies from their employer, you would be right! These women were not making enough money to support themselves or their families, so they got a second job selling their “McHappy Meals”, if you know what I mean and I think you do. They are inspirations to young sluts everywhere. Did I mention that all this bullshit in Shelley’s lawsuit took place more than twenty years ago? Since then Shelley has been employed by brothels in the Las Vegas area screwing horny dumbasses for what I imagine would be very good money.

What?

Over twenty years ago! That must be some kind of mental duress! It’s also a Top Tier Dumbass Thing to Do. Shelley, we know that were peddling your McMuffin while you worked at McDonalds, now you sell it for thousands of times more money. Only the price has changed. You were twenty years ago and still are today, shit stain on the underwear of society. As for your now ex-husband, the best part of him ran down his mother’s leg.

Look. I know that what Shelley is doing now is perfectly legal in Nevada and I have no qualms about that. It’s the “I am still a victim” mindset that pisses me off. let me tell you, Shelley, if you were ashamed to sell your “woman hood” back then, then why continue to be a Godless Hooker all this time later? Do you have a bad coke habit? Owe the Mob money? Like to fuck a lot? Yeah, you are a “victim” OK. Stoopid cum funnel.

Once this suit goes in front of a judge, Comedy Gold should be at a Three Stooges Level of brilliance. If any of you in the Vegas area have any more on this story now or later, please email it to me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. If you do, I’ll make you the next Dumbass Emeritus, second line only to WTFWiFi founder  Alexandra Janelli, an Honor you’ll cherish for life.


Adios to Shelley

Shelley, keep on selling what you sell, because one day it will as rancid as the maggots on a five year old Big Mac. I was gonna get real graphic here but I decided that even a low life no morals, weenie sucking, skanky swamp donkey whore like Shelley deserves some form of respect. 🙂

But not a day in Court with this kind of shit.

Dumbass.

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Low Pay, Lousy Benefits at McDonalds Turns Woman into McSlut

You Want Me to Do What?

Just what do some Dumbasses have against McDonalds? I can’t figger it out myself. Mcd’s offers some of the best tasteless food in the world. Every once in a while I love to scarf down a Big Mac or Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Or both. My kids loves the nastiness that is a Happy Meal. They also love the lead paint covered cheap ass toys that come with the Happy meal. I don’t mean to get all mushy here, but I have been eating at McDonalds since their hamburgers cost something like 19 cents. I remember when the signs at Mickey D’s read “Over 2 Sold”! I ask these questions for a very good reasons, which I will go into in a just a minute.

Dumbass News has featured dumbass-inspired stories about McDonalds on more than one occasion. For example, here and here. It pains me to say it, but neither of these Dumbass stories has as serious implications as the one you are about to read.

McWhore

There’s a lady, and I use that term loosely, in Las Vegas who has filed a lawsuit against the fast food giant because, as she states in the suit, it is because of the minimum wage salary she was paid at McD’s that she became a prostitute! yes, fellow Dumbasses, I am sad to report that low pay and lack of a good benefits package at the Home of the Quarter Pounder, that has driven women like Shelley Lynn to become skanky sluts. Shame on you Ronald McDonald!

You see, Shelley once worked at a McDonalds owned at the time by her then-husband. As it turns out, there other would-be skanky sluts working there too. And it’s all because of the lousy pay and benefit packages at the Golden Arches. Being the visionary entrepreneur that he was, Shelley’s husband found a way to increase business at his restaurant. A good marketing campaign maybe? Kind of. He started pimping out his female employees! These women were listed on the store menu as the “Furry McTacos”. But I digress.

You wanna know why these whores felt it necessary to sell their McWares? If you guessed the lousy pay ans bennies from their employer, you would be right! These women were not making enough money to support themselves or their families, so they got a second job selling their “McHappy Meals”, if you know what I mean and I think you do. They are inspirations to young sluts everywhere. Did I mention that all this bullshit in Shelley’s lawsuit took place more than twenty years ago? Since then Shelley has been employed by brothels in the Las Vegas area screwing horny dumbasses for what I imagine would be very good money.

What?

Over twenty years ago! That must be some kind of mental duress! It’s also a Top Tier Dumbass Thing to Do. Shelley, we know that were peddling your McMuffin while you worked at McDonalds, now you sell it for thousands of times more money. Only the price has changed. You were twenty years ago and still are today, shit stain on the underwear of society. As for your now ex-husband, the best part of him ran down his mother’s leg.

Look. I know that what Shelley is doing now is perfectly legal in Nevada and I have no qualms about that. It’s the “I am still a victim” mindset that pisses me off. let me tell you, Shelley, if you were ashamed to sell your “woman hood” back then, then why continue to be a Godless Hooker all this time later? Do you have a bad coke habit? Owe the Mob money? Like to fuck a lot? Yeah, you are a “victim” OK. Stoopid cum funnel.

Once this suit goes in front of a judge, Comedy Gold should be at a Three Stooges Level of brilliance. If any of you in the Vegas area have any more on this story now or later, please email it to me at realdumbassnews AT gmail DOT com. If you do, I’ll make you the next Dumbass Emeritus, second line only to WTFWiFi founder  Alexandra Janelli, an Honor you’ll cherish for life.


Adios to Shelley

Shelley, keep on selling what you sell, because one day it will as rancid as the maggots on a five year old Big Mac. I was gonna get real graphic here but I decided that even a low life no morals, weenie sucking, skanky swamp donkey whore like Shelley deserves some form of respect. 🙂

But not a day in Court with this kind of shit.

Dumbass.

Sex Toy Mishap Leads to Vibrator Litigation!

WARNING!!! This story is NSFW! (unless you have a freak for a boss) It is especially INAPPROPRIATE for children! You have been WARNED. Gross out WARNING also!

Love in a Box

Where to start, where to start where to start? There are a lot of love birds in the world today that seek to “enhance” their sex lives – Viagra, Cialis, “marital aids”, etc. Considering this, one doesn’t have to look too far for a dumbass freaky sex toy story. And boy have I got a doozy for you today!

A lady in Northern California is suing a “marital aid” maker in SoCal because of a terrible experience using one of their products. The fake dick maker is named, get this, Pipedreams Products. Now that’s funny! But my question is, how does one have an accident using a vibrator or some such? According to the woman, she and her boyfriend were having Mad Monkey sex when she felt a sharp pain “down there”. the guy quickly removed the vibrator and it was covered with blood. The chick thought at the time that her “monthly visitor” had made its round. That theory was shot to hell when she continued to lose blood and fade in and out of lucidity. Her son thought his mother was dieing and she did, too. The son rushed her to the hospital where she administered several pints of blood and stabilized. The lady tried to get some compensation from Pipedreams, but the company said, “How about a new fake weenie and a set of ass beads instead?”. This offer was not well received by the woman in question. OK, I made that new fake weenie and ass beads part up. The point is that Pipedreams said, “Haha, bitch, you are screwed. And bloody. But mostly screwed.” So she is now suing the fake dick maker, who has blood on his, er, uh, hands. Or something.

This episode brings to mind several thought-provoking questions, but I’ll address just a couple or three. Question number 1: How in the world can a vibrator cause a bloody mess in a woman’s vagina? Explosion? The lady mistook a small kitchen appliance for her sex toy? Maybe the boyfriend was slammin’ it “in there” like a construction worker with a jack hammer working a a New York City sidewalk. I dunno. I’m still trying to figger this one out. Question number 2: Does a government agency test these sex toys to ensure their safety, like they do hair dryers or or kids’ car seats? You know, A Department of Fake Dick Testing or some such. If so, I hope they test them on Playboy Playmates or some sleaze ball skanky sluts from the porn industry. Question number 3: is this government agency hiring?

Dumbasses.

Dumbass Chick Lets Boyfriend Cheat on Her for One Night

I am taking the day off, as is my custom on Sunday. The following is one of the most popular posts in the short history of Dumbass News. It’s pretty damn funny too. 🙂

Skank Gives Boyfriend “A Night Off” – Dumbassery Ensues

Hi, I’m Susie and I’m a Dumbass!

See the young lady in the photo? She is a dumbass. Probably a very nice young lady, but a dumbass none the less. Why so harsh? Let me splain. This young woman, who we’ll call Susie, has a steady boyfriend (David) of a few years. So far, so good. Until they started drinking. Then the fun began. David asked an alcohol-fueled question of Susie,
“If you could have sex with anyone in the world, who would it be?” he asked me.
“You,” I replied.
“Other than me.”
-This witty drunken repartee led to this Dr. Phil moment when David, ever the horn dawg, came up with this beauty, “If I cheated would you consider it an unforgivable offense?” David asked me, that fateful night, as we sat, a bit sloshed, on our couch.”  Susie responded, “Depends”. You can see where this is going. A few months later, after engaging in “a night off” with another chick, these two extreme dumbasses were in bed when “suddenly David put his hands to his face and said, as if in one breath: “I cheated on you and I’m scared to tell you because I’m afraid you’re going to get mad at me, and cry, and break up with me.” No shit, Sherlock. Not only is David a dumbass, he’s a pansy too. Ol’ Dave confessed to his transgression, but, Susie the Understanding Dumbass, decided that it was OK for David to have a “night off” banging some other broad. After all, they had discussed it beforehand.  At this point in our story, I can no longer add anything to it without quoting Susie verbatim for the rest of the story. In Susie’s own words :
I felt like he was being honest. OK, he may have spent a few days — or weeks — thinking about it before telling me … but, I thought, everyone is entitled to a little privacy. Besides, it was a true one night stand.

As far as I was concerned, in terms of how “nights off” might go, his was ideal. As ideal as that situation can be. He had stepped out of the relationship and hated it. I didn’t know until after it happened, and he wanted everything to go back to the way it had been between us before. I couldn’t have written the movie script better myself. I mean, I had told him months earlier that I could forgive such a transgression under the right circumstances, and these seemed like the right circumstances to me.
 

Today, several years later, I’m older and wiser — and David and I did break up a couple of years later, but not because of this. In retrospect … I still kind of feel the same way I did that day. In my opinion, a relationship isn’t sex. Sex is important, but it’s not the end of the world, and if someone has sex outside of their relationship, it doesn’t have to end the relationship.
 

I knew that after David had taken his night off, I could do the same. I mean, what could he say? He’d have to forgive me. But I didn’t. I guess I just never met the right person, or was in the right situation, so it never happened. I mean, I didn’t want to force it, just to get even. He felt so bad that day, I didn’t really have a desire to “get even” anyway. It actually made us closer than ever, so I never really felt the need.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, even in one relationship, no two situations are the same. Should you take a night off from each other? I don’t know — you’d have to talk with your lover to decide if it’s right for you. Do I think it can help a relationship? Yeah, I do. I think it can settle a curious mind. If you end up breaking up … well, to me, that’s just fate, and it was meant to happen anyway. No matter what you do, you can’t make a bad relationship work. In turn, you can’t ruin a good relationship with a silly one night stand. Not a real one. We’re raised to believe that stepping outside of a relationship is a bad thing … I don’t think it has to be.


To recap: Boy meets girl. They become a couple. They get blasted on Boone’s Farm and mutually decide that a “night off” to have sex with whomever is OK. Boy has “night off”, then feels like an asshole. Girl, who is a dumbass, says “no problemo”, forgives boy and immediately starts to look for some poor, horny dipshit to lay. Girl fails in effort to get laid by horny dipshit, although she was certain Boy would say, “That’s OK, honey, you needed a “night off”. Several years later, Girl Dumbass still thinks it’s OK to have a “night off” in a relationship. Girl is still single and now peruses bus stations for a horny homeless dipshit to have a “night off” with. Girl now does TV commercial for drugs that treat recurring STD’s.

What the hell? First off, if I even thought of asking my wife if I could have a “night off”, she’d cut off my gazebos with a rusty butter knife. Second off, I have never been drunk enough to ask my wife such a dumbass question. Third off, my wife would cut off my gazebos if I ever got that loaded, “night off” or not. Fourth off, I have grown fond of my gazebos over the last 54 years. Fifth off, my Mama raised me better than that. Sixth off, I am scared of my wife. And seventh off, I am really scared of my wife with a rusty butter knife in her hand when she has “that look” in her eyes.

In conclusion, we have ascertained that David is a sissy, Susie is a Godless skank and a dumbass of the highest order and I value my gazebos. The moral to the story is, guys, that if you and your wife/girlfriend/whatever get inebriated and decide that you need a “night off”, hide the rusty butter knives from your wife/girlfriend/whatever. Your gazebos will thank you for it.

hat tip : Aol News

Skank Gives Boyfriend "A Night Off" – Dumbassery Ensues

Hi, I’m Susie and I’m a Dumbass!

See the young lady in the photo? She is a dumbass. Probably a very nice young lady, but a dumbass none the less. Why so harsh? Let me splain. This young woman, who we’ll call Susie, has a steady boyfriend (David) of a few years. So far, so good. Until they started drinking. Then the fun began. David asked an alcohol-fueled question of Susie,
“If you could have sex with anyone in the world, who would it be?” he asked me.
“You,” I replied.
“Other than me.”
-This witty drunken repartee led to this Dr. Phil moment when David, ever the horn dawg, came up with this beauty, “If I cheated would you consider it an unforgivable offense?” David asked me, that fateful night, as we sat, a bit sloshed, on our couch.”  Susie responded, “Depends”. You can see where this is going. A few months later, after engaging in “a night off” with another chick, these two extreme dumbasses were in bed when “suddenly David put his hands to his face and said, as if in one breath: “I cheated on you and I’m scared to tell you because I’m afraid you’re going to get mad at me, and cry, and break up with me.” No shit, Sherlock. Not only is David a dumbass, he’s a pansy too. Ol’ Dave confessed to his transgression, but, Susie the Understanding Dumbass, decided that it was OK for David to have a “night off” banging some other broad. After all, they had discussed it beforehand.  At this point in our story, I can no longer add anything to it without quoting Susie verbatim for the rest of the story. In Susie’s own words :
I felt like he was being honest. OK, he may have spent a few days — or weeks — thinking about it before telling me … but, I thought, everyone is entitled to a little privacy. Besides, it was a true one night stand.

As far as I was concerned, in terms of how “nights off” might go, his was ideal. As ideal as that situation can be. He had stepped out of the relationship and hated it. I didn’t know until after it happened, and he wanted everything to go back to the way it had been between us before. I couldn’t have written the movie script better myself. I mean, I had told him months earlier that I could forgive such a transgression under the right circumstances, and these seemed like the right circumstances to me.
 

Today, several years later, I’m older and wiser — and David and I did break up a couple of years later, but not because of this. In retrospect … I still kind of feel the same way I did that day. In my opinion, a relationship isn’t sex. Sex is important, but it’s not the end of the world, and if someone has sex outside of their relationship, it doesn’t have to end the relationship.
 

I knew that after David had taken his night off, I could do the same. I mean, what could he say? He’d have to forgive me. But I didn’t. I guess I just never met the right person, or was in the right situation, so it never happened. I mean, I didn’t want to force it, just to get even. He felt so bad that day, I didn’t really have a desire to “get even” anyway. It actually made us closer than ever, so I never really felt the need.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, even in one relationship, no two situations are the same. Should you take a night off from each other? I don’t know — you’d have to talk with your lover to decide if it’s right for you. Do I think it can help a relationship? Yeah, I do. I think it can settle a curious mind. If you end up breaking up … well, to me, that’s just fate, and it was meant to happen anyway. No matter what you do, you can’t make a bad relationship work. In turn, you can’t ruin a good relationship with a silly one night stand. Not a real one. We’re raised to believe that stepping outside of a relationship is a bad thing … I don’t think it has to be.


To recap: Boy meets girl. They become a couple. They get blasted on Boone’s Farm and mutually decide that a “night off” to have sex with whomever is OK. Boy has “night off”, then feels like an asshole. Girl, who is a dumbass, says “no problemo”, forgives boy and immediately starts to look for some poor, horny dipshit to lay. Girl fails in effort to get laid by horny dipshit, although she was certain Boy would say, “That’s OK, honey, you needed a “night off”. Several years later, Girl Dumbass still thinks it’s OK to have a “night off” in a relationship. Girl is still single and now peruses bus stations for a horny homeless dipshit to have a “night off” with. Girl now does TV commercial for drugs that treat recurring STD’s.

What the hell? First off, if I even thought of asking my wife if I could have a “night off”, she’d cut off my gazebos with a rusty butter knife. Second off, I have never been drunk enough to ask my wife such a dumbass question. Third off, my wife would cut off my gazebos if I ever got that loaded, “night off” or not. Fourth off, I have grown fond of my gazebos over the last 54 years. Fifth off, my Mama raised me better than that. Sixth off, I am scared of my wife. And seventh off, I am really scared of my wife with a rusty butter knife in her hand when she has “that look” in her eyes.

In conclusion, we have ascertained that David is a sissy, Susie is a Godless skank and a dumbass of the highest order and I value my gazebos. The moral to the story is, guys, that if you and your wife/girlfriend/whatever get inebriated and decide that you need a “night off”, hide the rusty butter knives from your wife/girlfriend/whatever. Your gazebos will thank you for it.

hat tip : Aol News