Category: Smoking

Credit Card Theft: The Gateway to Smoking!

Best of Dumbass News

It’s very difficult to get a majority of people to agree on any given subject. Can we agree on that? OK. There is one thing, however, on which a vast majority of any given 100 Americans at any given time will rally together. Smoking.

Whether you smoke or not, we all know that inhaling or chewing tobacco products is not a healthy thing. I am not preaching here as I have been on both sides of the smoking issue. I smoked for a number of years, quit cold turkey and after twelve years of being smoke-free, my Dad up and died on me in 2004 and for some real stoopid reason I started smoking again. I have yet to stop putting daily nails in my own coffin.

Regardless of the health risks associated with smoking, some people who smoke run into trouble in ways not dealing with a medical condition. That is, unless and until being a Dumbass becomes an accepted “disorder” in the medical community.

Let me splain.

That State Up North

Gateway to Smoking

In a place that Ohioans call “That state up north”, meaning Michigan, is a town of about 15,000 named Traverse City. TC is known for, believe it or not, growing grapes and producing wine. Wine? Made in Meechagan? I never saw that coming. What kind of wine do they make there? MD 20/20, The Mad Dog?

I don’t know what the deal is with wine in Traverse City, but I do know that they produce some of the best Dumbasses in the country.

Like the guy who a couple of weeks ago stole a credit card from a local woman. The thief is at this point running wild in Traverse City with pilfered platinum plastic, charging up large quantities of the Mad Dog and filling up his car with gasoline when he wanted a cigarette. Problem was, he had none. He stopped at a 7-11 type store to buy, meaning charge, some butts where Kevin Gay was filling up his automobile with enviro-weenie friendly ethanol. Kevin recognized the credit card thief from a security camera tape where the idiot had previously used the stolen card. Oh! Did I mention that Kevin Gay is a Detective in the TCPD? Yup, he is.

Thus ends the Great Credit Card Caper of 2012 in Traverse City, Michigan. Crook busted, jailed and now preparing for a bright future in Prison Bitchery.

Moral to the Story

If there is one thing to take away from this story, it’s that if you are a credit card thief, DO NOT SMOKE! Or conversely, if you smoke, DO NOT STEAL CREDIT CARDS! Taking things a step further, if you are a smoking credit card thief, buy your cancer sticks somewhere away from where you stole the damn card! Do I have to spell all this out for you Mad Dog-addicted thieves in Meechagan, or is this just an affliction of moronity unique to Traverse City?

I thought that the Dumbasses in Meechagan would be more of the Wolverine kind of guys, on a crime spree to spread terror and anguish amongst the local citizenry. Then, out of the wild blue, I find out that they are more of a gopher, like in Minny-soda.

New Meechagan State Motto: “At Least We Ain’t Minny-soda. But Our Dumbasses Are Big Pussies Just Like Theirs”

Disappointment abounds.

Dumbasses.

Advertisements

Credit Card Theft Is a Gateway Crime to Smoking!

WARNING from Dumbass General: Cigs Can Lead to Long Term Prison Bitchery

It’s very difficult to get a majority of people to agree on any given subject. Can we agree on that? OK. There is one thing, however, on which a vast majority of any given 100 Americans at any given time will rally together. Smoking.

Whether you smoke or not, we all know that inhaling or chewing tobacco products is not a healthy thing. I am not preaching here as I have been on both sides of the smoking issue. I smoked for a number of years, quit cold turkey and after twelve years of being smoke-free, my Dad up and died on me in 2004 and for some real stoopid reason I started smoking again. I have yet to stop putting daily nails in my own coffin.

Regardless of the health risks associated with smoking, some people who smoke run into trouble in ways not dealing with a medical condition. That is, unless and until being a Dumbass becomes an accepted “disorder” in the medical community.

Let me splain.


That State Up North

In a place that Ohioans call “That state up north”, meaning Michigan, is a town of about 15,000 named Traverse City. TC is known for, believe it or not, growing grapes and producing wine. Wine? Made in Meechagan? I never saw that coming. What kind of wine do they make there? MD 20/20, The Mad Dog?

I don’t know what the deal is with wine in Traverse City, but I do know that they produce some of the best Dumbasses in the country.

Like the guy who a couple of weeks ago stole a credit card from a local woman. The thief is  at this point running wild in Traverse City with pilfered platinum plastic, charging up large quantities of the Mad Dog and filling up his car with gasoline when he needed a cigarette. Problem was, he had none. He stopped at a 7-11 type store to buy, meaning charge, some butts where Kevin Gay was filling up his automobile with enviro-weenie friendly ethanol. Kevin recognized the credit card thief from a security camera tape where the idiot had previously used the stolen card. Oh! Did I mention that Kevin Gay is a Detective in the TCPD? Yup, he is.

Thus ends the Great Credit Card Caper of 2012 in Traverse City, Michigan. Crook busted, jailed and now preparing for a bright future in Prison Bitchery.

Moral to the Story 

If there is one thing to take away from this story, it’s that if you are a credit card thief, DO NOT SMOKE! Or conversely, if you smoke, DO NOT STEAL CREDIT CARDS! Taking things a step further, if you are a smoking credit card thief, buy your cancer sticks somewhere away from where you stole the damn card! Do I have to spell all this out for you Mad Dog-addicted thieves in Meechagan, or is this just an affliction of moronity unique to Traverse City?

I thought that the Dumbasses in Meechagan would be more of the Wolverine kind of guys, on a crime spree to spread terror and anguish amongst the local citizenry. Then, out of the wild blue, I find out that they are more of a gopher, like in Minny-soda.


New Meechagan State Motto: “At Least We Ain’t Minny-soda. But Our Dumbasses Are Big Pussies Just Like Theirs”

Disappointment abounds.

Dumbasses.

The Smoking Nazis are in NYC!

Old Lady Smoking a Wolf Turd

The Smoking Nazi’s are alive and well in New York City. Just ask Harry Lysons. Harry lives in an apartment building in NYC. That means Harry has neighbors – neighbors that are dumbasses. Good ole Harry just wanted to do something that millions of men and women do every day, and that is to smoke a good cigar from time to time. This is where the Smoking Nazis come in. Here’s a snippet of the story from UPI and The New York Post, “A New York man settled a lawsuit by agreeing to pay $2,000 to his neighbors if he is caught smoking a cigar inside his apartment in the future. The $2 million lawsuit, filed in city Supreme Court by Russell and Amanda Poses, claimed next door neighbor Harry Lysons was stinking up their apartment by smoking cigars inside his domicile, the New York Post reported Thursday.” What. The. Fuck. The story by the Post and UPI doesn’t say anything about possible rules in Harry’s lease that prohibit him from having a good stogie in his own apartment. If there is a clause in Harry’s lease, then he should be held accountable for his actions.

It’s his dumbass neighbors that piss me off. Here’s a doozy for you “The Poses family said the smoke was causing health problems for their children, ages 3 and 6.” Let me get this straight. harry has a smoke in his own apartment and somehow his sinful actions have caused health problems for the children of his neighbors? A few thoughts here. If indeed the cigar smoke finds it way to the neighbors’ apartment (cigar smoke is known to do that. It’s evil and vile and hunts down children so they’ll suffer health problems and worse yet, makes the kids nicotine addicts! Big Tobacco wins thanks to Harry! Evil bastard) the apartments are cheap ass ghetto fuckers with walls made of notebook paper. To the neighbors I say, “Move! You dumbasses!” What a bunch of pussies. Here’s another thought. I have had neighbors that smoked enough dope to fog in the DFW Airport, and I can honestly say, that I nor any of my family members, kids included, ever, not even one time become smokers of the weed, because the neighbors partook. NEVER! And we never even got the munchies becuase the neighbors sparked up a fattie. So I am calling bullshit on this. Harry’s a dumbass for caving in and the Poses are just a bunch of garden variety Liberals who have to have something to cry about or their life isn’t worth living. Pussies.

I always yhought NYC was the Big Apple, but the more I read crap like this and see what that Commie Mayor Bloomberg dictates, NYC is no longer the Big Apple, it’s the Shriveled Prune. Dumbasses.