Category: Smuggling

Newest Cocaine Smuggling Device: Hair Weaves!

Best of Dumbass News

You are about to read about what could be the Co-Dumbasses of the Year, which would be a first in the history of the Dumbass of the Year Awards.

While it is still too way too early to make a call on the winner of the 3rd Annual Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award, the two idjits in this story are the leaders in the clubhouse as of today.

Creatively Stoopid

We have covered all kinds of smuggling here at Dumbass News, from the guy who smuggled cocaine in roasted chickens, a Playboy Bunny who smuggles Canadians into the USA to a guy who tried to sneak some illegal cockroaches into the country, but we have never and I mean never had the honor on reporting on a Dumbass who tried to smuggle cocaine into the United States in a hair weave!

Today, we have the good fortune of telling you of TWO Dumbasses who thought bringing contraband onto US soil in hair weaves was a good idea!

No matter how idiotic the scheme, you gotta give these two an A+ for creativity.

Doing a Boyfriend a Favor

From HuffPoThat’s the hair-raising accusation that has Kiana Howell and Makeeba Graham tangled up in a criminal case. The two women were arrested early Sunday morning at JFK Airport in New York after their extra-tall hair weaves raised the suspicions of guards.
Howell and Graham had just arrived from the South American country of Guyana and caught the attention of officials when they started wigging out as they approached customs, the New York Post reported.
Officers started sniffing around and, upon closer inspection, discovered more than two pounds of cocaine woven into the two women’s hairdos, according to The Smoking Gun.
Officials said Howell and Graham concealed the cocaine in form-fitting plastic bags on their scalps. Howell allegedly had 35.1 ounces of nose candy hidden under her hair weave, while Graham is accused of hiding 36.9 ounces beneath hers, UPI reported. 

Kiana Howell Makeeba Brown
Kiana, the bitch who looks like Flip Wilson, said, of course, that she had no idea what was in the packages, but she was just doin’ a solid for her Guyanan boyfriend. And $7500. Yep. Not much says “I didn’t know what was in there” like being paid seven and a half large for being the courier of a package with two pounds “unknown contents”. On your fucking skull! Nothing suspicious there. Move along.

I shave my head so I have no hair up there, but I gotta a feeling that if I put on a wig that weighed two pounds, I just might say to myself, “Self, something is screwy here”.

But that’s just me.

Not Kiana and Makeeba. And by the way, who the hell in their right mind names their kid “Makeeba”? Oh, yeah. A coke head that’s who.

Dumbasses.

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New Drug Smuggling Device: Breast Implants!

Illicit drugs are bad ju ju. Buying them is wasteful, using them is stoopid and selling them is criminal at best.

No matter, because selling dope is a lucrative bidness and where there’s a shit load of easy money to be made and demand for a product, illegal or not, there’s a Dumbass willing to take a chance. And when it comes to dealing in narcotics, the bad guys are lined up around the block waiting for a chance at The Big Score.

Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way

Recently, I wrote about a pair of Dumbass of the Year candidates who were busted while smuggling cocaine in their hair weaves! Not to be outdone, there was another Darwin Award-worthy numb skull who was caught shipping coke (and I don’t mean cola) inside of roasted chickens! Brilliant, but not good enough to fool the Law as evidenced by the lengthy prison sentences these dip shits are serving.

Despite the never ending set backs, dope dealers are constantly trying to figure out ways to outsmart Law Enforcement to distribute their drugs to an ever-growing clientele without getting caught.

That’s where today’s story picks up.

Breast Enhancement

A few days ago, a Panamanian Lady was arrested in Barcelona, Spain for transporting three pounds of cocaine into the country – in her tits! Ingenious! The Old Blow in the Boobs Trick!

“But, Fearless Leader”, you inquire, “what’s so unique about smuggling nose candy inside of a bra?” I did not say the Nice Panamanian Lady By Way of Bogota, Colombia had the coke hidden in her over the shoulder boulder holder, I said she had it hidden in her knockers! Literally. (Thanks, Joe Biden! Literally.)

Fake Boobs, Real Cocaine

Spanish authorities say they have arrested a Panamanian woman arriving at Barcelona airport with 3 pounds of cocaine concealed in breast implants.
The Interior Ministry said Wednesday that border police noticed fresh scars and blood-stained gauze on her chest as well as pale patches beneath her skin.
The woman said she had recently had breast implant surgery. The statement said police were suspicious and sent her to a local hospital where the implants were removed and found to contain cocaine. 

Automatic Dumbass of the Year Nomination!

This has got to be the most diabolically canny methods of drug smuggling in the History of Transporting Contraband. Whoever came up with this idea deserves the Pablo Escobar Murderous Narco-Trafficker Memorial Award for originality and the second best use of boobs ever.

While we’ve had some doozies over the course of 2012, this story leaps into contention for the coveted Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award. Could it be a double? The Pablo AND the Dummy? An award for each tit? A Booby Prize?

Time will tell.

Dumbass.

***Hat tip to Fox News***

The Old "Smuggle the Cocaine in the Hair Weave" Trick

You are about to read about what could be the Co-Dumbasses of the Year, which would be a first in the history of the Dumbass of the Year Awards.

While it is still too way too early to make a call on the winner of the 3rd Annual Fred G. Sanford “You Big Dummy” Dumbass of the Year Award, the two idjits in this story are the leaders in the clubhouse as of today.

Creatively Stoopid

We have covered all kinds of smuggling here at Dumbass News, from the guy who smuggled cocaine in roasted chickens, a Playboy Bunny who smuggles Canadians into the USA to a guy who tried to sneak some illegal cockroaches into the country, but we have never and I mean never had the honor on reporting on a Dumbass who tried to smuggle cocaine into the United States in a hair weave!

Today, we have the good fortune of telling you of TWO Dumbasses who thought bringing contraband onto US soil in hair weaves was a good idea!

No matter how idiotic the scheme, you gotta give these two an A+ for creativity.

Doing a Boyfriend a Favor

From HuffPo, That’s the hair-raising accusation that has Kiana Howell and Makeeba Graham tangled up in a criminal case. The two women were arrested early Sunday morning at JFK Airport in New York after their extra-tall hair weaves raised the suspicions of guards.
Howell and Graham had just arrived from the South American country of Guyana and caught the attention of officials when they started wigging out as they approached customs, the New York Post reported.
Officers started sniffing around and, upon closer inspection, discovered more than two pounds of cocaine woven into the two women’s hairdos, according to The Smoking Gun.
Officials said Howell and Graham concealed the cocaine in form-fitting plastic bags on their scalps. Howell allegedly had 35.1 ounces of nose candy hidden under her hair weave, while Graham is accused of hiding 36.9 ounces beneath hers, UPI reported. 

Kiana Howell Makeeba Brown
Kiana, the bitch who looks like Flip Wilson, said, of course, that she had no idea what was in the packages, but she was just doin’ a solid for her Guyanan boyfriend. And $7500. Yep. Not much says “I didn’t know what was in there” like being paid seven and a half large for being the courier of a package with two pounds “unknown contents”. On your fucking skull! Nothing suspicious there. Move along.

I shave my head so I have no hair up there, but I gotta a feeling that if I put on a wig that weighed two pounds, I just might say to myself, “Self, something is screwy here”.

But that’s just me.

Not Kiana and Makeeba. And by the way, who the hell in their right mind names their kid “Makeeba”? Oh, yeah. A coke head that’s who.

Dumbasses.