There are times when even the greatest country in the history of Mankind, the United States, can look to its overseas brethren for guidance and inspiration.
Granted these time are extremely rare, because the rest of the world is completely off its collective nut (as a whole), and generally has little to offer us in the way of making our lives better. Is that a Snobbish American Dumbass Attitude? Maybe. Is it the truth? Definitely. Sorry, Other Countries of the World.
In one case Italy is our Beacon of Hope. The lighthouse in the distance after weeks in a stormy sea. The shining city at the top of the hill. The…oh, hell, you get the idea.
The Background Story
Some Eye-talian guy named Giancarlo ( a nom de phone john) was charged with the Eye-talian equivalent of solicitation of prostitution not for offering money to a hooker for sexual favors, but for paying a phone sex pro to talk dirty to and, presumably, give a jolly to a business client!
If this is indeed the case, then AOL is, or was, the biggest hooker solicitor in the history of the world. After all, ten of millions of people used to pay AOL for services that eventually led to phone sex, if what I have read is true. AOL executives had to have some idea that this sort of lewd and lascivious behavior was taking place, right? They are (were), by its very definition, procurers of prostitutes!
|Eye-talian Supreme Court|
The Court Ruling
This travesty in the name of Justice was rightly appealed time and again, finally reaching the Eye-talian Supreme Court. The High Court ruled for Giancarlo saying, “Verbally servicing an interlocutor for the purpose of sexual excitement does not constitute a sexual service, if it does not involve the bodily erogenous zones of the person who is getting paid for such a service.” In other words in this case, if the “service provider” does not physically touch the pee pee of the “service seeker”, then it ain’t prostitution.
If such an act were considered an act of prostitution, then what would the act of willingly driving nekkid and duct taped through a major US city for sexual gratification be considered? Organ-ized crime? (“organ”-ized. hahahahaha)
Keep Phone Sex Legal and Safe
The United States of America should and must be at the forefront in the fight to keep phone sex safe and legal. I mean, many Americans are standing up for other things that are considered out of the ordinary to the mainstream of society. Like homos getting “married”. Single people adopting children. Homos adopting children! Homos adopting single people!
If phone sex is criminalized what will be next? Playboy Magazine? Penthouse? National Geographic?
I don’t give a damn about phone sex as long as the participants are consenting adults and no children or small animals are involved in their “conversations”. As I see it, no harm, no foul (generally speaking). I only care about phone sex on the occasional Saturday night when Mrs. Fearless Leader and I play “A T & T”, if you know what I mean and I think you do. I especially enjoy the “Caller I.D.” part of our little game. 🙂 But, I digress.
This is just another example of why Europe is a cess pool of Socialism – the gubmint getting involved in even the tiniest part of our private lives. This also is a prime example of why the US should stay away from the policies of people (see Obama, Barry) that tend to micromanage our very existence.
Let me put it this way, the Eye-talian Gubmint, which the 4 billionth Eye-talian Gubmint since the end of the Big One, WW2, spent countless millions of dollars prosecuting a guy for setting up a phone sex deal for a business client while their economy crumbles like an Oreo in the hands of a fat kid. This makes perfect sense to me. <—That’s molasses-thick sarcasm there, folks.
Now if we could just get Liberals and homos to join the cause of smaller and less intrusive gubmint, then some of the things they actually believe in (both of them!) might come to fruition.
I think we stand a better chance of getting Socialism and all its glorious failure out of Europe.
What was I thinking?
|I Have Been to the Mountain Top!|
Fellow Dumbasses, I need you today like I’ve never needed you before. I guess that’s because I’ve never needed you before. Literary Brilliance Note: The first two sentences of this post were put there to “hook” you into reading further. That’s why it is called a “hook”. See? It worked.You’re still here, ain’t you? Just like a hungry catfish that can’t resist that big ass hunk of smelly, juicy chicken live on a 3/0 fishing hook, I have reeled you in. Damn, I’m good!
I am facing something that I suppose that every
world famous, adualted, idolized two bit blogger like me encounters every once in a while. You see, when you’re at the top your blogging game a retired middle aged piss ant “wirier” like me, there will come a time when it’s almost impossible to live up stay in the cesspool of daily blogging. Sometimes the Blogging gods look down upon you with pity and bless you with a week’s worth of material that is divinely inspired – like last week. The problem is how in the name of all that is Holy do you follow up such sagacity without taking a dramatic plunge back into the depths of internet darkness? That’s the difficulty I confronted this week. How could I not crash and burn???!!!
On a Roll
I don’t know how it happened but it happened. Another Dumbass Week of outstanding dumbassery inj the shadow of the Dumbassery before it, and I pulled it off with aplomb, never once intimidated by the mission before me. It? “It” is following up last week’s masterpieces with equally hypnotic screeds thus preventing that “falling off a cliff” feeling that so often follows such classic works. When you are in the pits, the fall ain’t so bad, but when you are at the apex of blogging brilliance as I was last week, the long, frightening descent to oblivion gives one an emotion of desperation exceeded only by the thoughts of the sudden stop at the end of the seemingly never ending dive.
Dumbassery for the Ages
Alas, next week will present me with a whole new set of tribulations to conquer. The coming days can wait, however, as I bask in the warm glow of my achievements of yesterweek.
Speaking of yesterweek, I just happened to have saved for posterity the timeless musings of your Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde with your children and grand children in mind. Some day the little
bastiges tykes will grow up and read the heartwarming prose of their ancestors. When that melancholy moment embraces them, a tear will well up in their eyes, memories of long ago suddenly rushing through their minds, an inaudible whisper will caress their lips as it flows to the ears of the Almighty (or one of his sidekicks)…..”Damn. Dad sure was a Dumbass.” <sniffle>
The Timelessness of Excellence
As type through the mistiness of tears blurring my vision, tearsinspired by the
bullshit tenderness, as presented above,of what is yet to come, I impart to you the glue that holds us all together, that all encompassing power that is Dumbassery.
- Learning from the Fwench – Two words I never thought I’d put in the same sentence. “Learn” and “Fwench”. Raise the Fwench National Flag! The solid white one. The end is nigh.Sacre bleu!
- Utah and Moonbats – Two more words I would have bet my gazebos on that I would never put in the same sentence. “Moonbats” and “Utah”. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are mounting up for a ride.
- 9-1-1: Hotline to an Ass Kickin’ – Hello, Police? Would you be so kind as to stop by my place? I need a good ass kickin’. And a few felonies.” The cops are quick to oblige requests like this one.
I told you. Dumabssery that evokes emotion, thought and projectile puking.
Adieu, You Cop Fightin’ Fwench Cougars and…
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South Smoke Shop – One word. Cigars. “nuff said.
|They Pledged Their Sacred Honor|
For our newer readers I’d like to state right here, right now something that will reveal my bias regarding the story I am about to present to you. I am a very politically conservative individual. Now you know exactly where I stand on the following issue. And where I stand on the Fwench. I don’t like the Fwench. Put in layman’s terms, the Fwench are pussies. This isn’t a blanket statement about everyone of Fwench extract, just a generalization about the majority of the citizens of Fwance. I am basing this outlook on personal experience and opinions formed from news stories from the Fwench media as well as the information I have gathered from the American media. Appropriate mud hole stompin’ will follow. Be afraid. Be very afraid.That’s just how I roll.
The Fwench Show Their Pussifiedness Again
So what’s new about this headline? Nothing. That’s what. The Fwench are pussies, something I have known for many years. Now what on Earth have the Fwench done now to refuel my disdain for them? To be honest, nothing has actually happened, yet, but it is thisclose (intended spelling) to becoming reality.
I just got an email alert from a Fwench news organization that once again uncovers the pure, unadulterated contempt for their own citizens from the leaders of Fwance. The Fwench Gubmint has already imposed such neat, and by neat I mean fucked up, laws on their people (a mandated 35 work week and a shit load of vacation time for everybody in the late summer, just to name a couple) that surely one more won’t matter, will it? Allow me to let you in on something the Fwench have no clue about. It’s called Freedom. Oh sure, those cultured up Frogs (being called “Frogs” really pours piss on their caviar) have no problem murdering the unborn and turning their heads as their so-called “leaders” live a life filled with moral depravity. These “leaders” also look at their constituents with nothing but derision for the very who elected them to the Fwench Parliament. (I’m gettin’ there, I’m gettin’ there). The Frog Parliament has chiseled away at the God-given rights of the Fwench people for many years, so much in fact, that I guessing that few Fwench citizens alive today can remember anything but being in an unfettered march to Socialism. They know nothing else! Dumbasses.
Ferme Le Bouche
That’s Fwench for “shut uppa you face!”. And I’ll be damned if that ain’t exactly what the Frog Gubmint is demanding (through legislation!) that all the peon Frogs (tadpoles?) do. The Fwench Senate passed a bill just a few hours ago that will make it a crime for any Fwench citizen to deny genocide. Let me un-ferme my bouche for you and splain. If a resident of Frogland denies the fact some horrific event like the Holocaust took place, it’s a long vacatio for them in the Bastille. To deny that the massacre of Armenians by Ottoman Turks took place in 1915 – 1916 could also land you in Le Slammer. I don’t know about you but this appears to me to be a little thing called “thought control”. But then again, I am a Dumbass. And a redneck to boot. What do I know about the Fwench? Maybe not much, but I do know that they are a nation of Socialist Pussies. But I digress.
If you have to ask that question, then you are a Dumbass. Or Fwench. What the hell do you mean, “so what?”?
OK, Frog breath, here’s your “so what” wrapped in a nice little turd sandwich so you can enjoy the taste of being Fwench. Can you not see that maybe, just maybe mind you, that our very own US Gubmint (thanks Liberals!) tried to do basically the same thing to American citizens? There was this little First Amendment issue with regard to the internet in a Congressional Bill called SOPA. I am not gonna enlighten you too much on SOPA/I am Having a Middle Age Moment & Can’t Remember the Other 4 Letters contained in the bill’s title, but trust me on this one. If you don’t trust me, fucking Google it. Do I have to do everything for you, Dumbass? 🙂
Bottom line on SOPA is that it would violate the 1st Amendment to the United States Constitution. Just ask the assholes that supported it until the American people realized what a pig in lipstick SOPA is. Once our Congressional dip shits saw that they were on the wrong side of the American people, they abandoned this bill like Dracula avoids high noon. Rats, meet sinking ship. This kind of bill is designed to do nothing less than censor what can and can’t be said on the internet and if that ain’t a violation of the 1st Amendment, then I am Brad Pitt. Arm Pitt, maybe. Brad? Not so much.
Number 1 for a Reason
There’s a reason that the provisions of the 1st Amendment are there and not, let’s say, the 6th Amendment. Freedom of speech, press, assembly etc. and freedom of religious choice without gubmint intervention or establishment, are exactly the main principles on which the United States were built upon. See: England, George, King. Another way to look at this crap is to think of the Ten Commandments. The 1st Commandment says “I am the Lord thy God.…”. I have a sneaky feeling that it’s Number 1 with a bullet because it’s the MOST SACRED and important of the Ten. I am fairly certain that the Almighty didn’t just throw ten good things together just to have ten good things together.
SOPA/WTFEver was yet another attempt by Liberals to define the Constitution as a “living breathing document”, which is another avenue to Socialism in the USA. The Founders of this country debated, debated again, then debated some more on the framework of the Constitution and they finally debated the document a little more before settling on the one we have today. They wrote what they meant and they meant what they wrote, no breathing allowed.
Around the Elbow to Get to the Arm
I may have taken the long way to get to this point, when I could have taken a shortcut, but I felt it necessary to do so. SOPA is precisely the type of bullshit explicitly forbidden by our Constitution.
If you are having a hard time trusting in what I have written, don’t believe me then. In fact, I urge you to seek further information. I’ll even give you a link where you can start your research. The Constitution of the United States. That’s a great place to start. FYI, there is also a link to the Declaration of Independence on the page. And the Bill of Rights, parts of which I so dazzlingly illuminated in the paragraphs above.
USA! USA! USA!
As the Fearless Leader of the Dumbass Horde, it is my duty to point out and destroy all things that are a danger to this country. To obliterate any and all ideas contrary to the vision of our Founding Fathers and the Sacred Documents that bind us all together as Americans.
And let me tell you, folks, becoming a Socialist, pussified country like Fwance ain’t the way that we (and our forebears), as Americans, should go. It’s a path to doom and tyranny. Read a little history on all the -“isms”. You’ll change your way of thinking right quick, friend.
For over 235 years, we have done just fine as the United States of America.
May God continue to bless the Greatest Country in the History of Mankind – the United States of America.
As for the Fwench? One word.
Connardes. Translation: Dumbasses