***Repost from December, 2010***
I am sitting here in my living room with my wife watching a DVR’ed Dr. Phil show. The topic is very timely. The show’s about overeating and gaining weight during the holiday season. Millions of Americans will fight the Battle of the Bulge over the next few weeks as the visit Grandma’s house and eat. The in-laws’ house and eat. The kids’ house and eat. You get the picture. That’s just the nature of the beast st this time of year.
There’s a dumbass in Moses Lake, Washington that is the head of the Washington State Potato Commission. You are asking yourself, “Now, Toby, why would you just jump to the conclusion that the Head of the Washington State Potato Commission is a dumbass?” Fair question. I will now present to you conclusive evidence that this guy is a dumbass. Prepare to be amazed. Or nauseated. Or something.
The Head Spud Guy in Washington is named Chris Voigt. Chris recently took of the cause of defending and repairing the reputation of potatoes. Hey, he’s the Head Spud Guy, so it’s understandable why he’d do that. But, Chris the Head Spud Guy went a bit overboard in his efforts to de-demonize potatoes. How? Well, Chris went a on potatoes-only for 60 days! And he was mighty proud of the fact that he lost 17 pounds during his diet. Well, guess what, Chris, you dumbass? You could eat nothing but pork chops for two months and you’d still lose weight.
Chris gave us this pearl of wisdom, “I’ve baked, boiled, broiled, fried, smashed and shredded potatoes.” He said he avoided all the add-ons that you’d normally put on taters including butter, sour cream and bacon bits. It seems that the “health conscious crowd”, or as I call them anorexic dumbasses, doesn’t like you to put butter, sour cream or bacon bits on your spuds. I say WHY? Chris, just look at the the dumbasses you are trying to prove wrong! They are going to die sick fuckers from not eating any of the good stuff! On the other hand, you will live longer than those “health conscious” assholes because you ate real food that nourished your body the way it needs to be nourished. Don’t get me wrong, I know that it’s not healthy to do anything in excess, however, doing nothing but eating tofu and bean sprouts ain’t gonna cut the mustard either. Put the “health conscious” crowd on a 60 day tofu-only diet and what would you get? A dead anorexic tofu-eating member of the “health conscious” crowd! Dumbasses.
I think I’ll head over to Wendy’s and get me a triple decker baconator and a baked potato with sour cream, lots of butter, cheese and bacon bits. Wanna join me, Chris? We can make fun of tofu eating anorexic dumbasses.